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I was bullied in jr high. Then the next year, I bullied someone (for the first and last time in my life) and hated myself for it later. That being said, we both survived the experiences.
I was told never to back down from a bully. But as a girl, I was also not told to fight a bully - instead I was told to think on my feet, to think creatively, to reach out to the bully in a friendly manner, to never show fear. I did all of this, sort of like when a dog runs at you - you're not supposed to show fear, you're supposed to stare them down, maybe even lunge in their direction. Anyway, that's what worked for me, even though I was scared at the time. When I did that (vs trying to ignore the behavior, or hide from it, or report it), it quit. Quickly.
The next year I sort of inadvertently made up a nickname for a girl who was not only sort of a misfit, she was also the type who would turn people in, tell on them, etc. to teachers. I was totally NOT into bullying her, but I did have a way with words, and someone picked up on this nickname and next thing I knew, it took off. So though I didn't actively bully her, I felt responsible for some of the angst I am sure she felt during that year.
Thirty years later, I ran into her mom of all people. And her mom, not knowing that I was in her class, told me how much her daughter had hated that school and had especially hated the nickname people gave her. Well, in my anxious guilt ridden self, I felt terrible, so I contacted her daughter on social media and told her that I was really sorry for anything I had ever done to her, and you know what - instead of saying, "Oh, that's OK, that was a long time ago," or whatever, instead she proceeded to tear me a new one. Which I might have deserved but dang.
It was rare in my burb school. I'm sure people had nicknames but mostly unpopular people were either ignored (by the really popular) or just had their own friends. I never sought popularity so was just one of the regular folks...this was the 60's also, so "love" was in the air.
It was done with full approval, including massive physical punishment, when I went to Military School. Seniors were allowed to beat the heck out of others....of course, the excuse was they had "rank" (fake, but never the less).....
Were there campaigns to end bullying? Were kids told to just deal with it and "man up?" I'm asking in light the whole Keaton controversy, but that's another topic.
We didn't put up with bullies, we would wait for them by their cars after school let out and a group of us would beat them up. In high school and middle, the popular boys and jocks never put up with a bully, teachers didn't seem to know or care if we took someone around the side of the gym to threaten violence upon them. It was almost like a student police force of sorts.
"1/2 the country or more allow public school admins to beat kids"
OK, you are right - "only" 18 states including some of the most populated such as Texas and Florida and GA - the point stands.
It is legal in much of the US for strangers to beat your kids....which was the post I was responding to. True.
How many actually get beaten is fodder for another thread, but it truly seemed as if the poster didn't know this was the case (allowable paddling of your kid by others).....
I'm proud that none of the 4 states I was raised in or raised my kids in allows this. That's true bullying - especially when we know now what we know about coaches, priests...and, yes, school admins fit the same profile.
Growing growing up in Atlanta You had to fight back if you didn’t you didn’t up in the hospital. So I learn to fight back, and when I did I stopped being bullied., you had to fight back if you didn’t you didn’t up in the hospital. So I learn to fight back, and when I did I stopped being bullied. I never started a fight but if you picked on me i made sure you thought about it before doing it a second time.
Growing growing up in Atlanta You had to fight back if you didn’t you didn’t up in the hospital. So I learn to fight back, and when I did I stopped being bullied. Put my mom told me if I didn’t fight back and win erase you had to fight back if you didn’t you didn’t up in the hospital. So I learn to fight back, and when I did I stopped being bullied. I never started a fight but if you picked on me i made sure you thought about it before doing it a second time.
I have read enough history and bios to know that there are many different Americas. Gender also matters.
I was born in Philly but we moved a block outside the City Line by the time I was in 1st grade. But even the lower-middle class Philly area I was born in....you rarely would have had to fight to prove yourself.
If you went "down the hill" to the black OR italian area it was different. In my burb it was VERY different.....almost nothing physical at all.
My wife went to Overbrook High School (Will Smith, Wilt Chamberlain, etc.) because her parents were quite poor - she is white and was one of perhaps 5% whites (eventually 1%) in the school. She didn't have to fight but had to cop a certain attitude and develop a 6th sense. One white girl had all her hair cut off in the stairwell.
My wife is very street smart to this day....but was really never bullied other than some gossip and names in between classes or in the bathrooms.
It sounds corny, but our burb schools were all about being well behaved. There was no secret underground or gangs or anything like that. This was the "hippie" era so I guess some of the jocks were busy trying weed or something.....
I have read enough history and bios to know that there are many different Americas. Gender also matters.
I was born in Philly but we moved a block outside the City Line by the time I was in 1st grade. But even the lower-middle class Philly area I was born in....you rarely would have had to fight to prove yourself.
If you went "down the hill" to the black OR italian area it was different. In my burb it was VERY different.....almost nothing physical at all.
My wife went to Overbrook High School (Will Smith, Wilt Chamberlain, etc.) because her parents were quite poor - she is white and was one of perhaps 5% whites (eventually 1%) in the school. She didn't have to fight but had to cop a certain attitude and develop a 6th sense. One white girl had all her hair cut off in the stairwell.
My wife is very street smart to this day....but was really never bullied other than some gossip and names in between classes or in the bathrooms.
It sounds corny, but our burb schools were all about being well behaved. There was no secret underground or gangs or anything like that. This was the "hippie" era so I guess some of the jocks were busy trying weed or something.....
I’m a white male 50 right now and I grew up in the 80s. Will you live in the ghetto out of the hood but we live in bad neighborhoods they were considered the worst but they were pretty bad. In my generation I would guess that boys felt the need to prove themselves. Or just maybe being a new kid in a new school in a new neighborhood was enough reason to start a fight. They were more fights outside school then in school .
Walking through a neighborhood middle of the night maybe should get Ted been drinking who knows the real reason. Or me at least it was a part of my life as a kid growing up.
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