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Been away from this thread for awhile, but my main take away from following it for so long is that it's tragic how men don't believe women suffer the same effects from loneliness and rejection as they do. This element trumps any gender differences. If you're human you will suffer from emotional pain regardless of whether you're a man or woman.
How is it the same for women when they don't have to approach men first and ask them out first?
How is it the same for women when they don't have to approach men first and ask them out first?
So let me ask you this. What if women were the ones to ask men out, and no women asked you out? What then? Back to the drawing board for a new theory of life?
How is it the same for women when they don't have to approach men first and ask them out first?
Well, after so long of never being asked out I thought I'd be assertive and be the one to ask a man out. I was rejected by the men I approached so I understand very well what that feels like. I can't say I found it more painful than being a lone woman who never got asked on dates while watching other women get them with no effort whatsoever. It's all equally painful.
All I think women posting on this thread have been trying to say is that some of you men folks have this out of proportion, and it's hurting you even more when refuse to believe that women suffer pain from this issue. This is something that cuts deep both ways.
It can cut both ways, but let's be intellectually honest - among young men, e.g., Elliot Rodger, most of the invisibles are male.
You keep insisting that that's a fact, but as a former young invisible woman who has known other invisible women, it just won't wash--and DO NOT again dismiss my experiences in life as merely an anecdote. It was very real and very painful as a young woman to watch the rest of the world move on with dating and love and miss out on it. There are roughly an equal number of males and females in the world. If all the girls had dates and so many of the boys didn't....that wouldn't make sense. That's not the way it is. There are young women out there right now wondering what is so awful about them that no young man will give them a chance. They will learn how to give up and sit home and eat or drink or damage themselves in some other way rather than go out and shoot people, but that doesn't mean they don't exist.
Last edited by Mightyqueen801; 07-17-2014 at 07:51 PM..
A friend of mine was telling me about how she met another friend of hers who died of cancer a couple of years ago. They lived in the same condo complex and would run into each walking their dogs. My friend is somewhat overweight, but not morbidly obese, and she's not especially attractive, though she presents herself well with her hair and makeup. The woman from her complex was beautiful. This woman kept asking my friend to go with her for a drink or to a club and my friend always said no. One day the woman asked her why she never wanted to hang out with her and told her that she felt hurt--as if she didn't want to be friends. My friend replied, "I don't want to go because men will come up to you all night and I will be left sitting there alone. It's happened too many times and I'm just not going to sit through that again."
The pretty woman was stunned--because never in a million years would she have known what it's like to be the invisible friend. But, they did become close friends and the friendship lasted a decade until her death.
You literally don't see the invisible women because we learn early on to be ashamed of the fact that we aren't wanted, and we stop going to places where we will experience more rejection.
It can cut both ways, but let's be intellectually honest - among young men, e.g., Elliot Rodger, most of the invisibles are male.
This is what I mean by refusing to believe women equally suffer. Many women are "invisibles." Intellectual honesty would be accepting this truth and fact. One of my friends, an invisible the same as I was, suffered her pain to such a degree that she started taking a knife and cutting her arms. She almost drove her car into the lake one time. She almost stuck a knife in an electrical outlet and ended up in the ER for attempted suicide multiple times. Please do not assume that because women aren't prone to go on shooting sprees that there is not extreme destructive consequences to not having dates. It's just that with women it's going to be directed inward and harm done to ourselves instead of blowing others away with gunshot.
This is what I mean by refusing to believe women equally suffer. Many women are "invisibles." Intellectual honesty would be accepting this truth and fact. One of my friends, an invisible the same as I was, suffered her pain to such a degree that she started taking a knife and cutting her arms. She almost drove her car into the lake one time. She almost stuck a knife in an electrical outlet and ended up in the ER for attempted suicide multiple times. Please do not assume that because women aren't prone to go on shooting sprees that there is not extreme destructive consequences to not having dates. It's just that with women it's going to be directed inward and harm done to ourselves instead of blowing others away with gunshot.
This is what I mean by refusing to believe women equally suffer. Many women are "invisibles." Intellectual honesty would be accepting this truth and fact. One of my friends, an invisible the same as I was, suffered her pain to such a degree that she started taking a knife and cutting her arms. She almost drove her car into the lake one time. She almost stuck a knife in an electrical outlet and ended up in the ER for attempted suicide multiple times. Please do not assume that because women aren't prone to go on shooting sprees that there is not extreme destructive consequences to not having dates. It's just that with women it's going to be directed inward and harm done to ourselves instead of blowing others away with gunshot.
There's no disputing that being 'unloveable' is toxic to someone regardless of gender. That being said...
1) Most men aren't prone to violently lashing out (by the way, in relationships, the sexes are about equally violent). 2) The suicide rate among young males is higher than among young females. 3) According to studies, young women are rated as more physically attractive than young men. 4) If roughly the same number of young men and young women are basically invisible sexually/romantically, then why is it mostly the young men complaining about it online?
Also, as stated many times in this thread since Elliot Rodger did his thing, the less attractive women usually can upgrade their looks more easily than their male counterparts can.
There's no disputing that being 'unloveable' is toxic to someone regardless of gender. That being said...
1) Most men aren't prone to violently lashing out (by the way, in relationships, the sexes are about equally violent). 2) The suicide rate among young males is higher than among young females. 3) According to studies, young women are rated as more physically attractive than young men. 4) If roughly the same number of young men and young women are basically invisible sexually/romantically, then why is it mostly the young men complaining about it online?
Also, as stated many times in this thread since Elliot Rodger did his thing, the less attractive women usually can upgrade their looks more easily than their male counterparts can.
In answer to #4, I'm guessing it's because women tend to turn inward and feel shame, while men get angry and see the problem as external.
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