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He does see a counselor. That's when he started declaring things like, "I taste things more intensely than other people." In order to explain his strange eating habits. Though, I don't believe it for second because he drowns his food in every msg saturated compound he comes across. That is also when he was put on meds, and now he's been convinced that he can't function at all without them.
He was diagnosed when he was five but in denial about it until he tried to live on his own. I didn't mean to say this must be what everyone with Aspergers is like, but this is my experience of it from someone. I don't believe every little thing he does has to do with the disorder. He is his own person just like everyone else. Very kind, but naive, and generous to a fault... People have taken advantage of his willingness to give. Yet on the flip side, if he believes he knows something about something, he becomes very outspoken and shows no humility, even insulting others openly... And his sense of pride is often unfounded. It's very contrasting. Perhaps Aspergers means he doesn't have much of a filter, but that doesn't dictate his entire personality.
Or rather, a reaction to the condition.
That's probably the way a lot of people see me. Since I got my diagnosis, I have been looking for my Autistic traits and habits. Perhaps I do things like that, too. I can eat almost anything, even if it looks, smells, or tastes really bad or weird to other people. There are a few things I can't enjoy, though, like escargots, rotten eggs, stale food, and Brussels sprouts. I don't really know if any of that has to do with having Asperger's, though. The only thing I can really find that relates to it is intense emotional sensitivity; when I was younger, it was really easy to hurt my feelings, and I always managed to get chided for saying / doing something rude and inappropriate. Socializing was like stepping into a mine field.
Yeah, it left me with a little chip on my shoulder because, in my mind, I was getting punished and corrected for no real reason. The adults were just getting mad at me because they wanted to. I justified myself by telling myself that I was above all of that, and they were just acting out of ignorance. I claimed my own social deficits as apathy and really did lose care for a lot of things related to the social arena. I stopped trying to talk to people, and I turned to my interests and made really strict distinctions between safe and unsafe social situations; the pool of people I trusted got smaller and smaller as time progressed. People called me "dumb" a lot, so I thought perhaps I could overcome that by showing everyone how smart I was. I memorized facts, paid close attention in school, watched educational TV, surfed the Internet, and read new things in books so that I could answer almost any question any of my peers had. They did realize that I was intelligent, but that's about it. Very few people actually befriended me for it, and sometimes people were annoyed by me showing off what I knew, because they thought I was acting like a "know-it-all." In fact, I corrected a friend once who called me one. I explained that a "know-it-all" really knows nothing about a subject but wants to fool you into thinking he does, while someone like me really does know.
To this day, I don't see how sharing correct information could get on someone's nerves. I've had to stop myself from correcting bosses and people who have authority over me. So what if she left the comma out of that sentence? She'll figure it out. Sometimes I do think the world would be a better place if people would just listen to me, but, point taken, first I need to listen to them. Now, that's the hard part. I really am more information-oriented and can reason away a lot of issues other people claim to have. I'm not trying to be mean to them, just trying to seem strong and rational, like I think I would want someone to be to me if I were facing stressful times. I really hate that people misread me so often. I'm like a bee attracted to nectar, but people turn out to be like fly traps and pitcher plants; one wrong move lands you in very unfavorable circumstances. I guess that's one of the main reasons I avoid it.
That's probably the way a lot of people see me. Since I got my diagnosis, I have been looking for my Autistic traits and habits. Perhaps I do things like that, too. I can eat almost anything, even if it looks, smells, or tastes really bad or weird to other people. There are a few things I can't enjoy, though, like escargots, rotten eggs, stale food, and Brussels sprouts. I don't really know if any of that has to do with having Asperger's, though. The only thing I can really find that relates to it is intense emotional sensitivity; when I was younger, it was really easy to hurt my feelings, and I always managed to get chided for saying / doing something rude and inappropriate. Socializing was like stepping into a mine field.
Yeah, it left me with a little chip on my shoulder because, in my mind, I was getting punished and corrected for no real reason. The adults were just getting mad at me because they wanted to. I justified myself by telling myself that I was above all of that, and they were just acting out of ignorance. I claimed my own social deficits as apathy and really did lose care for a lot of things related to the social arena. I stopped trying to talk to people, and I turned to my interests and made really strict distinctions between safe and unsafe social situations; the pool of people I trusted got smaller and smaller as time progressed. People called me "dumb" a lot, so I thought perhaps I could overcome that by showing everyone how smart I was. I memorized facts, paid close attention in school, watched educational TV, surfed the Internet, and read new things in books so that I could answer almost any question any of my peers had. They did realize that I was intelligent, but that's about it. Very few people actually befriended me for it, and sometimes people were annoyed by me showing off what I knew, because they thought I was acting like a "know-it-all." In fact, I corrected a friend once who called me one. I explained that a "know-it-all" really knows nothing about a subject but wants to fool you into thinking he does, while someone like me really does know.
To this day, I don't see how sharing correct information could get on someone's nerves. I've had to stop myself from correcting bosses and people who have authority over me. So what if she left the comma out of that sentence? She'll figure it out. Sometimes I do think the world would be a better place if people would just listen to me, but, point taken, first I need to listen to them. Now, that's the hard part. I really am more information-oriented and can reason away a lot of issues other people claim to have. I'm not trying to be mean to them, just trying to seem strong and rational, like I think I would want someone to be to me if I were facing stressful times. I really hate that people misread me so often. I'm like a bee attracted to nectar, but people turn out to be like fly traps and pitcher plants; one wrong move lands you in very unfavorable circumstances. I guess that's one of the main reasons I avoid it.
Thanks for sharing this.
That does sound a lot like him as well, except he gets on people's nerves only when he corrects people incorrectly or for things they have observed him doing himself, so he looks like a hypocrite. Those are usually things that are not purely fact-based but opinion-based, like how others should behave. He does the same thing where he finds his niche of expertise and uses it to show people he is capable. When he does stick to those subjects he earns a lot of respect from others.
I have known him a long time and he has really learned a lot about how to interact with people without offending them with his body language. He is an interesting person in the sense that what he struggles with (and perhaps you as well) isn't that different from what everyone struggles with, but it's more pronounced and almost a hyperbole of the difficulty of being born into a social environment. It forces people to look at their own biases and insecurities, so people get upset when you correct them instead of being grateful. Social posturing is so ingrained in every interaction that being blind to it would be nothing but a minefield. I think in the case of the person I know, he is also blind to his own postering and that is what gets him in trouble these days.
That does sound a lot like him as well, except he gets on people's nerves only when he corrects people incorrectly or for things they have observed him doing himself, so he looks like a hypocrite. Those are usually things that are not purely fact-based but opinion-based, like how others should behave. He does the same thing where he finds his niche of expertise and uses it to show people he is capable. When he does stick to those subjects he earns a lot of respect from others.
I have known him a long time and he has really learned a lot about how to interact with people without offending them with his body language. He is an interesting person in the sense that what he struggles with (and perhaps you as well) isn't that different from what everyone struggles with, but it's more pronounced and almost a hyperbole of the difficulty of being born into a social environment. It forces people to look at their own biases and insecurities, so people get upset when you correct them instead of being grateful. Social posturing is so ingrained in every interaction that being blind to it would be nothing but a minefield. I think in the case of the person I know, he is also blind to his own postering and that is what gets him in trouble these days.
I think I would have benefitted from charm school. I don't dress well, take care of my appearance, or pay much attention to social graces, but, ironically, I love the idea of seeming cultured and sophisticated, because I see it as a key to communication and being taken seriously. I like rules and am easy enough to teach. I just don't like it when it's framed as a power-struggle or an exercise in showing me how inferior I am to everyone else. I see knowing rules as a form of safety. I also like to feel like the expert in a new situation, and a set of detailed rules helps tremendously.
In fact, I hate it when people look at the way I look and act and make an assessment that couldn't be further from the truth about me. Unfortunately, it happens quite often. Depending on the context, I've been judged as, "not too bright" (until I opened my mouth and put them to shame), "stuck-up jerk" (because I prefer information over feelings quite often), "bi***" (I guess this is a slang word used for "unfriendly female,"), "know-it-all" (from people who didn't have the same intense passion for my subject and didn't really know what I was talking about, what pity), etc.
Fortunately, avenues of communication that do not involve face or voice, like email, chat rooms, and forums, have helped me come out of my shell tremendously. Had it not been for email, I probably would not have developed such close relationships with my teachers in college. Face-to-face communication, like I was subject to doing in when I was in K-12, was usually a disaster for me. It ended in the teacher not fully understanding what I wanted to convey, and I was afraid of it, because I thought I might get into more trouble. Had I had to approach my professors in person, like I had to do with my K-12 teachers, I probably would not have learned nearly as much. I felt free to express myself in emails in a way that would have been difficult for me to do when speaking. I found my command of writing far superior to my ability to speak, so I used it my advantage and crafted a new identity for myself. Eventually, it became one that my teachers and coworkers embraced, so they started liking me and giving me the benefit of a doubt. After that, talking to them in person on occasion was easy.
Speaking as someone with Aspergers, yes we can feel hostile at times because people don't understand us, and blame us for
not being good at reading social cues. My family hit and belittled me my whole childhood because I wasn't good at reading social cues.
The idea Aspergers are sociopaths is a complete myth. I can't speak for all people with Aspergers but I get very upset if I make somebody uncomfortable or upset or seem rude. I always do my best to make people feel comfortable and appreciated, but when you're blind to body language sometimes it's very difficult not to appear rude.
People who say Aspies lack empathy are plain wrong, most people with Aspergers love animals and have a stronger sense of morality than the average "NT". We just don't always express the appropriate and socially expected feelings. We're not as good at faking things as the average person, so we can seem like jerks sometimes.
It's strange how Aspies get penalized in society for being honest. Like you mentioned, people with Aspergers are not good at 'faking' the variety of social behaviors that society as a whole seems to expect from each individual. Yet that same society frowns upon people who are dishonest, deceptive, or less than truthful. But in order for an individual to meet the various social expectations and to follow the expected social rules in our day-to-day social interactions, that individual has to wear many faces and/or masks, and many of those faces/masks are not accurate representations of what said person is feeling, thinking, or desiring. So, in that sense, the individual is being phony and deceptive simply as a means to social survival.
We as a society (most people) profess to hate liars and deceivers, but society expects people to lie and deceive in order to be polite, diplomatic, appropriate, etc.
I think it would be liberating to be an Aspie.
I often find myself feeling like a used car salesman when interacting in a variety of social settings; not because I want to intentionally mislead or deceive, but because I often times have to act in ways that are not genuine. I have to play pretend in order to follow the social rules, in order to meet the various social demands.
Speaking as someone with Aspergers, yes we can feel hostile at times because people don't understand us, and blame us for
not being good at reading social cues. My family hit and belittled me my whole childhood because I wasn't good at reading social cues.
The idea Aspergers are sociopaths is a complete myth. I can't speak for all people with Aspergers but I get very upset if I make somebody uncomfortable or upset or seem rude. I always do my best to make people feel comfortable and appreciated, but when you're blind to body language sometimes it's very difficult not to appear rude.
People who say Aspies lack empathy are plain wrong, most people with Aspergers love animals and have a stronger sense of morality than the average "NT". We just don't always express the appropriate and socially expected feelings. We're not as good at faking things as the average person, so we can seem like jerks sometimes.
At what age were you able to really understand your diagnosis and did you ever have to take medication?
You're mistaken. "No offense" is an attempt to offer empathy while still trying to discuss difficult topics. Though it's also a courtesy, since no one has the "right" not to be offended.
BTW, on a slightly less "empathetic" note (…lol), wouldn't life be so much easier if we could all eliminate "negative opinions" just by "redefining the problem"… or better yet, by simply "not mentioning it"?
No, I'm not mistaken. You are mistaken. I do not think your definition of "no offense" is correct. I don't mind at all for you to disagree with me In my opinion, when someone says "no offense" it means they are going to offend. It does not mean empathy.
No, I'm not mistaken. You are mistaken. I do not think your definition of "no offense" is correct. I don't mind at all for you to disagree with me In my opinion, when someone says "no offense" it means they are going to offend. It does not mean empathy.
"No offense" is like that empty-headed catch phrase, "just sayin'..."
It's strange how Aspies get penalized in society for being honest. Like you mentioned, people with Aspergers are not good at 'faking' the variety of social behaviors that society as a whole seems to expect from each individual. Yet that same society frowns upon people who are dishonest, deceptive, or less than truthful. But in order for an individual to meet the various social expectations and to follow the expected social rules in our day-to-day social interactions, that individual has to wear many faces and/or masks, and many of those faces/masks are not accurate representations of what said person is feeling, thinking, or desiring. So, in that sense, the individual is being phony and deceptive simply as a means to social survival.
We as a society (most people) profess to hate liars and deceivers, but society expects people to lie and deceive in order to be polite, diplomatic, appropriate, etc.
I think it would be liberating to be an Aspie.
And lonely.
I cannot tell you, as a special ed teacher working closely with preeteens and teends with autism spectrum disorders, how much my heart has broken for kids with Asperger's who have broken down in my classroom after school, sobbing because nobody wants to be their friend, due to their behavior, which others rightfully feel as rude, snide, condescending, disinterested, and aloof. It has to be a terrible, conflicting feeling to strongly believe that you shouldn't have to adopt what you feel are "fake" manners and social skills, but also recognize that if you don't, that means accepting that many will find you unlikable. Especially in the teenage years, among those who haven't yet talked themselves out of caring about social acceptance. It's not surprising that such dissonance would make a person feel hostile and persecuted.
No, I'm not mistaken. You are mistaken. I do not think your definition of "no offense" is correct. I don't mind at all for you to disagree with me In my opinion, when someone says "no offense" it means they are going to offend. It does not mean empathy.
Very much so. I have had numerous students where we had to pause EVERY time the precursor was, "No offense, but..." or, one student's favorite, "I'm not trying to be rude, but..." when the words to follow were invariably rude, such as, "Why does [kid seated next to him] always smell like BO?" or "How come [teacher] is so stupid?" We really had to reinforce that those "disclaimer" statements are not, in fact, a license to be rude without consequence. We had to continually talk about how, if you feel the need for the disclaimer, before you open your mouth, ask yourself if what you are about to say is appropriate, if, from what you know of other people, it's likely to cause offense, and if it's even necessary for you to say.
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), "stuck-up jerk" (because I prefer information over feelings quite often), "bi***" (I guess this is a slang word used for "unfriendly female,"), "know-it-all" (from people who didn't have the same intense passion for my subject and didn't really know what I was talking about, what pity), etc. 
