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It just triggers sort of a reflex that sends me into "fight or flight" immediately. I get upset, I don't like the change, I want to know why I wasn't told about the change, why the change is happening, I want my old chair back, I liked my old chair and I don't care if it was ripped, this new chair is awful and I hate it and I'm going to the dumpster to get my old chair back...that's the typical mini-tantrum. 10 minutes later I am fine with the change. Often I end up liking the change better in the end, but my first reaction to change and the unexpected is always resistance.
I have done a lot of work on myself to deal better, and I do catch it faster now...that I think is all we can do....it isn't going to go away, I just try to recognize the "lizard brain" when it's acting out and consciously soothe myself/talk myself down as soon as I do.
Even my car is 17 years old and has 305,000 miles, and I dread the day it dies because I don't want a different car, this one is familiar and comfortable.
Hmmm, good question, I have to think about that!
I have a problem with change too. Obviously I want my life to change in the way I don't want to make pennies anymore and get a real job but a lot of other changes are hard to deal with.
I grew very attached to my old computer. I had it for 6-8 years and was literally crying up a storm when the machine crashed (though to be fair I had lost all my files off it) Obviously now that I have a new decent desktop and many of my old files in tact I don't care so much anymore but sometimes I still think about that old desktop and the memories I had with it. It was more easy to adjust to Windows 8 from XP because I'm a technological person but since I'm not a big fan of change it did take longer than it should have.
Has anyone else noticed this? Sometimes (infrequently) when I happen to be talking to someone they tend to bring up having Asperger syndrome. They may say this is the reason for their impaired social interaction - including hostility. Is hostility a symptom of AS?
I know there are many with this disorder who do not share this problem. I wonder if it being used as an excuse for displaying this behavior. Yes, it's difficult to overcome the social difficulties from this disorder, but if they are constantly telling themselves it's alright because they have AS and not try to improve it, they may see their behavior as acceptable. Others are often unwilling to point out the behavior because they know they have the disorder and fear offending them.
I even see this in people who display no symptoms. Since AS tends to be overdiagnosed, more people have antisocial behavior because they think it's excusable.
Not once have I heard someone tell me they have Aspergers. But I'm sure there are plenty of people (whether they have Aspergers or not) who are will make excuses like that.
I probably don't notice my resistance to change. I like to have a routine for social situations because it keeps me comfortable. Going to dinner with my boss = potentially scary, but working with my boss = normal and comfortable. Going to my students' house = freak out, but interacting with my students in the classroom = okay. Asking my boss new questions = don't do it, but holding the same kinds of conversations I've been holding = normal. Seeing my doctor out of context = awkward, but seeing my doctor in her office = refreshing.
As for changes in my surroundings, I usually don't complain much. I may have a favorite chair or a preferred spot, but mostly I've learned to adjust. I've had to endure lots of changes that were much more unpleasant. I guess the little things don't bother me so much.
The reason I have this anxiety in the first place is because my childhood was frightening and unpredictable. Not because it was abusive or anything, but because it never felt stable. Usually these kinds of anxieties are from a combination of genes/predisposition, and an environment in which we felt insecure and emotionally unsafe. That is why those "little things" feel like such big things to me, because they trigger the fear...almost a kind of "muscle memory" for it.
It is not about me consciously elevating "little things" into big things, and it in no way means I just haven't had an unpleasant enough life. That is pretty invalidating, IMO, and not in any way a correct interpretation of my anxieties and in fact belittles them.
The reason I have this anxiety in the first place is because my childhood was frightening and unpredictable. Not because it was abusive or anything, but because it never felt stable. Usually these kinds of anxieties are from a combination of genes/predisposition, and an environment in which we felt insecure and emotionally unsafe. That is why those "little things" feel like such big things to me, because they trigger the fear...almost a kind of "muscle memory" for it.
It is not about me consciously elevating "little things" into big things, and it in no way means I just haven't had an unpleasant enough life. That is pretty invalidating, IMO, and not in any way a correct interpretation of my anxieties and in fact belittles them.
Asperger's as justification for antisocial behavior? You've got it backward. No one with Asperger Syndrome is using that as an excuse. But it is why they were diagnosed in the first place, in most cases.
You want to know about how it feels to have AS? Try these links:
AS isn't really so much about being antisocial as it is about just not being able to be social and reading the body language of other people. In a nutshell, it's like walking into a party where everyone is wearing dark sunglasses and no one smiles.
I have spent years and years trying to be comfortable around other people and trying to learn how to pick up on hints and suggestions. Reading between the lines? For me, not a chance. I've been told over and over that "I should have known..." or I should have understood...". I take things literally. If I ask whether I can do something and another person says, "I'd prefer you don't..." I take that to mean you'd prefer I don't, but don't care if I do. People need to be direct with me and say yes or no. 'Maybe' and 'I don't care' just confuse me because they don't give me a definite yes or no.
I've never been formally diagnosed, but I have never seen a listing of symptoms that go bang, bang, bang on practically every quirk and problem I have the way AS does. After wondering my whole life why I am different from everybody else, I feel like I finally have the answer. And no, it's not something I would chosen to have and I'm not looking to use it as an excuse for anything. It's just the way I am. There is a spectrum and we all occupy a point on it somewhere. I'm just a little further out on it than most people.
A friends daughter destroyed inner family relationships left and right, middle through high school age, the diagnosis, aspbergers. I really never understood how the manipulation and twisting she did with that families feelings and relationships tied into aspbergers. She destroyed her father by manipulating her mother and younger sister, even drew extended family into the mix somehow. Rather than outward antisocial behavior, it was more devious and secretive almost, occasional outbursts but that's when they actually knew what she thought at that moment. She would see how far she could push each person's buttons, in a quiet fashion more so than outbursts of apparent anger. She worked one against the other always working an angle to get something she wanted. Maybe she is more sociopath and the aspberger was a misdiagnosis. Honestly, I'm not sure, it did destroy the father though and he really wanted to be a good father.
Once the aspbergers was diagnosed, she used that to get special treatment from all parties. Maybe she had something other than aspbergers. My understanding of aspbergers in a nut shell is that they generally have a difficulty communicating in a typical fashion, both input and output, understanding and communicating, processing input and relaying that into action or knowledge to cache away for the future.
Strangers that met her just thought she was a shy sweet girl.... oh, but what a devious little thing she was and still is. That can't be just aspbergers, it's got to be something more.
A friends daughter destroyed inner family relationships left and right, middle through high school age, the diagnosis, aspbergers. I really never understood how the manipulation and twisting she did with that families feelings and relationships tied into aspbergers. She destroyed her father by manipulating her mother and younger sister, even drew extended family into the mix somehow. Rather than outward antisocial behavior, it was more devious and secretive almost, occasional outbursts but that's when they actually knew what she thought at that moment. She would see how far she could push each person's buttons, in a quiet fashion more so than outbursts of apparent anger. She worked one against the other always working an angle to get something she wanted. Maybe she is more sociopath and the aspberger was a misdiagnosis. Honestly, I'm not sure, it did destroy the father though and he really wanted to be a good father.
Once the aspbergers was diagnosed, she used that to get special treatment from all parties. Maybe she had something other than aspbergers. My understanding of aspbergers in a nut shell is that they generally have a difficulty communicating in a typical fashion, both input and output, understanding and communicating, processing input and relaying that into action or knowledge to cache away for the future.
Strangers that met her just thought she was a shy sweet girl.... oh, but what a devious little thing she was and still is. That can't be just aspbergers, it's got to be something more.
That doesn't sound in the slightest like Asperger's. A true Aspie would lack any ability to be devious and manipulative...on the contrary, those acts require better ability to read and thus play people, not worse. I think your friend's daughter must have been misdiagnosed.
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Quote:
Originally Posted by ocnjgirl
It just triggers sort of a reflex that sends me into "fight or flight" immediately. I get upset, I don't like the change, I want to know why I wasn't told about the change, why the change is happening, I want my old chair back, I liked my old chair and I don't care if it was ripped, this new chair is awful and I hate it and I'm going to the dumpster to get my old chair back...[/url]
Quote:
Originally Posted by Nickchick
I have a problem with change too. Obviously I want my life to change in the way I don't want to make pennies anymore and get a real job but a lot of other changes are hard to deal with.[/url]
This is very helpful and insightful stuff, and thanx for explaining so well. BTW my own interest comes from doing some volunteer work with older adults who have developmental disabilities, behavioral & mental health problems, or other special needs. And when I first started, it often seemed like I had particular difficulty dealing with the aspie & autistic folks for some reason. That is until I became aware of the importance of "predictability"…. and noticed my own attraction to 'novelty' and change, no doubt unconsciously making autistic folks in particular feel ill at ease with me, right from the get-go.
So now these days whenever I meet up with an autistic 'client', rather than always showing up in a different vehicle, wearing a different 'look' and clothing, with 'high energy' and a different 'mood', plus always suggesting lotsa "new ideas" ("oh, today we can do all these fun and interesting new things, like this and this and this!")…. instead I make every effort now to be as 'steady', 'predictable' and 'familiar' as possible, just to put folks at ease (…and amazingly it's a simple behavioral change that seems to work)!
Also demonstrates just how much of our own unique personality 'styles' we each take for granted (and how we sometimes come across to others unintentionally)!
This is very helpful and insightful stuff, and thanx for explaining so well. BTW my own interest comes from doing some volunteer work with older adults who have developmental disabilities, behavioral & mental health problems, or other special needs. And when I first started, it often seemed like I had particular difficulty dealing with the aspie & autistic folks for some reason. That is until I became aware of the importance of "predictability"…. and noticed my own attraction to 'novelty' and change, no doubt unconsciously making autistic folks in particular feel ill at ease with me, right from the get-go.
So now these days whenever I meet up with an autistic 'client', rather than always showing up in a different vehicle, wearing a different 'look' and clothing, with 'high energy' and a different 'mood', plus always suggesting lotsa "new ideas" ("oh, today we can do all these fun and interesting new things, like this and this and this!")…. instead I make every effort now to be as 'steady', 'predictable' and 'familiar' as possible, just to put folks at ease (…and amazingly it's a simple behavioral change that seems to work)!
Also demonstrates just how much of our own unique personality 'styles' we each take for granted (and how we sometimes come across to others unintentionally)!
Yes! Think of the routine as sort of a "blankey" and sudden change is like abruptly pulling the blankey away and announcing it's wash day...you're going to have a poor result unless you slow the transition down and prepare him first!
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