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Has anyone else noticed this? Sometimes (infrequently) when I happen to be talking to someone they tend to bring up having Asperger syndrome. They may say this is the reason for their impaired social interaction - including hostility. Is hostility a symptom of AS?
I know there are many with this disorder who do not share this problem. I wonder if it being used as an excuse for displaying this behavior. Yes, it's difficult to overcome the social difficulties from this disorder, but if they are constantly telling themselves it's alright because they have AS and not try to improve it, they may see their behavior as acceptable. Others are often unwilling to point out the behavior because they know they have the disorder and fear offending them.
I even see this in people who display no symptoms. Since AS tends to be overdiagnosed, more people have antisocial behavior because they think it's excusable.
I know more than I'd like to about AS. AS's primary symptom is someone who doesn't socialize real well, and has deep interests in a number of abstract topics of interest to very few other people. It is hardly an excuse for violence.
I know more than I'd like to about AS. AS's primary symptom is someone who doesn't socialize real well, and has deep interests in a number of abstract topics of interest to very few other people. It is hardly an excuse for violence.
...unless you are talking by ignorant people against said person with AS. Now, that is a lot more common, or at least it was when I was a kid. Thank you, media.
...unless you are talking by ignorant people against said person with AS. Now, that is a lot more common, or at least it was when I was a kid. Thank you, media.
Who said media is an authority on anything? I read skeptically.
^ ^ I wasn't talking about you...I was just saying that the media has a lot of influence over ignorant people who would rather beat someone up than try to understand him or her.
What bothers me is how people here are talking about people with Aspergers as if they are a different species.
I do get what the op means. I know someone with this disorder and it does get irritating when he uses it to excuse behavior that has nothing to do with it, or makes himself seem helpless and so not responsible for any of his actions, and blames everyone else for his problems when he receives nothing but generosity from many people.
I mean, he complains that he doesn't get enough welfare from the state after he got fired for cussing at a coworker and then didn't even look for another job for two years (the state decided it must be his mental problems preventing him from getting a job, so they started giving him welfare while he did nothing but play video games. When unemployment benefits finally stopped, for which he complained about indignantly, he magically got a job within a week).
During this whole time his parents were paying for his phone, bought him electronics, and he was staying in someone's house for dirt cheap rent and never paid any utilities. He also broke a bunch of the homeowner's stuff and never offered to compensate, or compensated when he was asked to do so and the homeowner was nice about it anyway and didn't get on him because Aspergers. At least three men have tried to be a mentor or took a personal interest in helping him be independent but it is slow going.
It is really hard with him because he does have genuine difficulties but it's all intertwined with an entitlement/inferiority complex and a knowitall attitude despite being very socially impaired; he tries to compensate that way. It is difficult to figure out what he knows and what he doesn't and how he'll respond to various attempts to teach him things. It can go sideways very quickly.
For all those with Aspergers who find social cues confusing, other people without Aspergers find Aspies just as confusing in their behaviors.
What bothers me is how people here are talking about people with Aspergers as if they are a different species.
1. I do get what the op means. I know someone with this disorder and it does get irritating when he uses it to excuse behavior that has nothing to do with it, or makes himself seem helpless and so not responsible for any of his actions, and blames everyone else for his problems when he receives nothing but generosity from many people.
2. I mean, he complains that he doesn't get enough welfare from the state after he got fired for cussing at a coworker and then didn't even look for another job for two years (the state decided it must be his mental problems preventing him from getting a job, so they started giving him welfare while he did nothing but play video games. When unemployment benefits finally stopped, for which he complained about indignantly, he magically got a job within a week).
3. During this whole time his parents were paying for his phone, bought him electronics, and he was staying in someone's house for dirt cheap rent and never paid any utilities. He also broke a bunch of the homeowner's stuff and never offered to compensate, or compensated when he was asked to do so and the homeowner was nice about it anyway and didn't get on him because Aspergers. At least three men have tried to be a mentor or took a personal interest in helping him be independent but it is slow going.
4. It is really hard with him because he does have genuine difficulties but it's all intertwined with an entitlement/inferiority complex and a knowitall attitude despite being very socially impaired; he tries to compensate that way. It is difficult to figure out what he knows and what he doesn't and how he'll respond to various attempts to teach him things. It can go sideways very quickly.
5. For all those with Aspergers who find social cues confusing, other people without Aspergers find Aspies just as confusing in their behaviors.
I will admit that for a long time I saw normal people as the enemy. I thought people either had to be very intelligent or have something wrong themselves in order to understand me. You do start to feel helpless after a while; people constantly misread you. As for feeling superior, you just assume other people are kind of obtuse. You have social deficits that you really don't recognize; non-verbal cues really confuse you, so you communicate with your words, when you can, and when people still misread you, you get frustrated and give up.
1. Social situations are a joke for me. That means that, in general, I have trouble finding work unless I either do the jobs almost no one else wants to do, like subbing, or compensate with education so that I'm trained to do jobs that few people can do. My only other option is to get to know employers and let them become my advocates. I can't tell you how difficult it was for me to find work before I had a substantial college education.
3. I work. I pay my own rent, don't have time for video games, and have been in college for seven years. I tend to be a little careless, but I've never intentionally broken anything belonging to the apartment, or if I have, I requested that it be fixed.
4. When I was growing up, Asperger's wasn't even a diagnosis on the table, so I was seen as a really smart little girl who just needed to "adjust" socially. I never could "adjust," so I tried to compensate by studying and learning things to distract myself and to justify my existence. I told myself that the other kids were hopelessly stupid; that's the only reason I could come up with for them to actually be treating another human being the way they were. I almost have social anxiety (not just nervousness or shyness, an extreme fear of social situations, like some people are afraid of spiders or darkness) to this day because of the way I was handled as a child.
4. I do sometimes feel a little superior, but it's healthy pride to push back against all of the unjust treatment I received as a child. I notice things that you don't, and you, normal person, notice things that I don't, so what? I also realize there are people in the world that are much smarter than me, but will that keep me from acting like I know just as much as them? ...not until I feel that it's appropriate. People try to exalt themselves above one another for the most arbitrary of things. Why is your pride and air of superiority acceptable and mine boastful? Notice yourself the next time you are trying to explain something to someone and see how quickly you turn into the know-it-all "expert" when someone struggles with something. Then, you may understand the pushback.
Also, if this person is genuinely being stubborn and taking advantage of a situation, he may just need a good old-fashioned wake-up call. Has he seen a counselor? I can't help but think that the reason he is acting like a "know-it-all" is because he hasn't realized his true circumstances.
Location: On the "Left Coast", somewhere in "the Land of Fruits & Nuts"
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Quote:
Originally Posted by kmb501
^ ^ I wasn't talking about you...I was just saying that the media has a lot of influence over ignorant people who would rather beat someone up than try to understand him or her.
Believe it or not, even 'normals' have a lot of trouble dealing with each other. It's also part of why we have so many of these seemingly incomprehensible "rituals" and 'habits' whenever it comes to communicating… like 'small talk', reading facial expressions for clues, tone of voice, handshakes, body language, apologies, 'courtesies', and the like.
It's also understandable that some folks will always be better (or worse) than others, at these kinda 'skills', but which BTW, can also be 'learned' and slowly improved on…. by anyone.
But regardless, it still requires that one has to be "interested" and "motivated" to improve, and IMHO, that's often the part that's really lacking with most autistic folks. So that the harsh aspie/normal 'disconnects' often seem to be less a matter of lacking the proper 'skills', than they are the difficulties of dealing with folks who frequently tend to regard the feelings of others, as simply 'irrelevant'. In other words, if you want folks to be 'patient' with you, then you also have to extend the same courtesies yourself.
Believe it or not, even 'normals' have a lot of trouble dealing with each other. It's also part of why we have so many of these seemingly incomprehensible "rituals" and 'habits' whenever it comes to communicating… like 'small talk', reading facial expressions for clues, tone of voice, handshakes, body language, apologies, 'courtesies', and the like.
It's also understandable that some folks will always be better (or worse) than others, at these kinda 'skills', but which BTW, can also be 'learned' and slowly improved on…. by anyone.
But regardless, it still requires that one has to be "interested" and "motivated" to improve, and IMHO, that's often the part that's really lacking with most autistic folks. So that the harsh aspie/normal 'disconnects' often seem to be less a matter of lacking the proper 'skills', than they are the difficulties of dealing with folks who frequently tend to regard the feelings of others, as simply 'irrelevant'. In other words, if you want folks to be 'patient' with you, then you also have to extend the same courtesies yourself.
If that's true, that many or most people with a particular condition appear to willful behave in a certain manner (unmotivated to change in this case) couldn't that apparent willful behavior be part of the condition? In this case, being apparently unwilling to improve could be the meaning you put on their behavior.
Also, if this person is genuinely being stubborn and taking advantage of a situation, he may just need a good old-fashioned wake-up call. Has he seen a counselor? I can't help but think that the reason he is acting like a "know-it-all" is because he hasn't realized his true circumstances.
He does see a counselor. That's when he started declaring things like, "I taste things more intensely than other people." In order to explain his strange eating habits. Though, I don't believe it for second because he drowns his food in every msg saturated compound he comes across. That is also when he was put on meds, and now he's been convinced that he can't function at all without them.
He was diagnosed when he was five but in denial about it until he tried to live on his own. I didn't mean to say this must be what everyone with Aspergers is like, but this is my experience of it from someone. I don't believe every little thing he does has to do with the disorder. He is his own person just like everyone else. Very kind, but naive, and generous to a fault... People have taken advantage of his willingness to give. Yet on the flip side, if he believes he knows something about something, he becomes very outspoken and shows no humility, even insulting others openly... And his sense of pride is often unfounded. It's very contrasting. Perhaps Aspergers means he doesn't have much of a filter, but that doesn't dictate his entire personality.
Quote:
Originally Posted by homina12
If that's true, that many or most people with a particular condition appear to willful behave in a certain manner (unmotivated to change in this case) couldn't that apparent willful behavior be part of the condition? In this case, being apparently unwilling to improve could be the meaning you put on their behavior.
Or rather, a reaction to the condition.
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