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Just suck it up, sheesh. It's only two more years. I moved to the other side of the country far away from family and friends to a place I hated for school too. Unlike you though, I did not have a job or boyfriend, so I was broke and lonely and became depressed. I turned to drinking, smoking, and hooking up with random people. I had to see a therapist and went to group. I started meditating and had to see a hypnotherapist to calm me down. I'm almost done with school so I'm just keeping my eyes on the prize. You really have it better than I did.
I'm young, a recent college grad and I moved away from home, partly to be closer to my boyfriend, partly to attend a 3 year graduate-school program. I'm almost done with my first year of the program. I have a pretty good paying job here, which I like and I like my grad program.
Despite this, day-to-day, I'm really pretty freaking miserable. I feel trapped. Almost suffocated living here.
I hate the state I live in, I hate the desert (I live in the desert). I hate being away from my parents... I know this sounds lame, because I'm an adult, but I'm really close to them and they're old and it hurts to think that I'm spending the last stretch of their life living in a different state.
I moved away from California and I do really regret it.
Three years huh? Would that be law school? Hit the books and finish, then move back to California. Heck, three years is a season in law school.
If you're living in AZ (from the description you provided, I'd guess phoenix metro area) then I feel your pain as I hate that place as well. It's an overcrowded hell hole. However if I am right and you do live in AZ then there is amazing amount of outdoor opportunities within 3 hours. All the way from amazing canyons, to high desert, to ponderosa pined forest, to alpine tundra is at your doorstep to explore. Lots of public lands, national forests and recreational opportunities abound. You just got to get out of the valley more. Try heading up Prescott, Flagstaff, Sedona, etc more often. Even if I'm wrong about Arizona, the same applies to all desert states including New Mexico, Utah, Nevada with the possible exception of west texas (then I'd just move ).
2 years isn't that long of a time if you're working on something specific and have a goal. In the meantime, you could pick up a hobby such as mountain biking, hiking, backpacking, downhill skiing, cross country skiing, snow shoeing, kayaking, etc all within a 2-3 hour drive of almost anywhere in the desert. Weekend trips to a beach aren't impossible from most desert locations either. They also have pretty sweet lakes and reservoirs with "beaches" at all elevations and while not the ocean are very beautiful in their own right.
If you're that depressed about a place you maybe spending too much time indoors trying to avoid the heat which can cause depression in itself. If you HAVE to stay there to finish your program you need to get out and embrace the desert for all it has to offer and explore. There are many day trips to cool places (think abandoned mines, national forests, ghost towns) in the desert that it would be impossible to explore them in a lifetime, let alone two years. If you can't find nature in the desert, you're not looking very hard for it.
It would be better to move to wherever you want to after you have more $ saved up and your new degree as you'll be able to afford a better lifestyle there then. Gotta keep your eye on the prize and try to make the best of it.
Of course, I never listen to my own advice and whenever I'm miserable somewhere I just up and move. But then you're starting back at the bottom. Maybe you could look for jobs and a different school to transfer too in the state of your choice in the mean time.
Ding, ding, ding! Correct... I am in AZ
Great advice, though... thank you. The thing is, I CAN always move... but it would be a lot smarter to get experience with the job I have now and finish the masters degree I'm in. Two years here just sounds miserable though. I hate the heat and I just really miss California and my family. I mainly posted on here to vent, since I know moving isn't really an option for me right now. I just wish I had stayed in California and I think that sort of mind-set is what's getting me down. I'm mad at myself for moving...
You can do one of two things. - Suck it up so that you can finish your masters degree and be near your boyfriend.
OR
Transfer to a graduate program that is closer to the state that you love and closer to your parents.
Things to think about - your boyfriend went to the university that was best for him, without consulting you. Not that he should have, but why would you follow him to an area that you do not particularly like? If it is because you are insecure about your relationship? Are you afraid that he will meet someone else?
If the two of you are "meant to be", it will happen. If not? It won't. Following him will not help.
Another thing to think about - graduate credits do not transfer the way that undergraduate credits do.You may be able to transfer three or six credits. Rarely more than two classes. So, if you are really unhappy, transfer now, and not later.
The third thing to consider is that when you are married -to this man - or to another - marriage often involves leaving our families of origin. People, men and women, have spouses who are in the military, have jobs that take them to un-glamorous places - but they go, because they are married.
You aren't married yet. So, if you hate where you live that much? Cut your losses and head back to California. But please know that for the rest of your life, unless you marry a man in your home town who feels the same way you do about that area - if marriage is something you want, you may not always be able to live near your family of origin.
From what you have said, I would transfer to another grad program. You don't seem ready to be away from your parents and home region, and you are not treating this move as a temporary adventure.
Thanks for the advice, I DEFINITELY didn't research Arizona enough before moving here. I was young, in love and got into the graduate program at in-state tuition. I got a good job in my field and the rest was history... I think looking at it as a temporary adventure would be best. You are also completely correct about the grad. degree... most of my classes probably wouldn't transfer at all. That's why it might be better to just suck it up and finish the two years, even if I hate where I'm living. I also feel like I'm suffering from the "you don't know what you've got till it's gone" syndrome. I never really appreciated living in California until I left. Now all I do is stare at cacti all day... ugh. I miss the ocean!
"marriage often involves leaving our families of origin. People, men and women, have spouses who are in the military, have jobs that take them to un-glamorous places - but they go, because they are married." -- this is also definitely very true... I just think in my ideal world I would live near my family forever. I'm just very close with them.
Have you ever heard the expression "Bloom where you're planted"? You're not where you are forever, but maybe you need to make more of an effort to see what's good about where you live. So you can't drive to the ocean--is there nothing cool within driving distance of where you are? In whatever spare time you have, look up restaurants, museums, events, something to look forward to. Make friends within your department and hang out with them. Or you can just suck it up, be miserable, and move when you get the opportunity.
I agree... I need to find a way to be more "positive" about the situation. I just think I'm in a period, or a rut where I feel REALLY homesick. I just miss my friends from school, I miss my family, I miss the ocean and the old restaurants I used to go to. I know it could be MUCH worse and I'm lucky to be getting a masters degree and I'm lucky to be working and I'm LUCKY in general, I just miss what I used to have... I know the right choice isn't to crawl back home like a child (especially without a job or another degree plan lined up). I know the smart thing to do is to finish the two years... but right now, two years sounds painfully long.
When I was your age, I would have cut and run. But, from my older and somewhat wiser place now, I know how quickly two years goes.
In two years, you will be able to move back to California with a graduate degree and a great job reference where you worked for over 2 years (3?). You'll be in a great position to find a good job.
So, if you can wrap your brain around a 2 year plan and keep visualizing yourself finishing your degree and making sure you have a great job reference, and taking that back to California, it will probably make your time go easier in your desert town.
So, in your free time, check out the jobs in California that you would be qualified for in 2 years. Keep your end goal in mind.
I say this because you don't hate everything about where you are. If you hated the job and the graduate program, it would be a no-brainer. But, you don't hate everything. So, try to focus on the positive, see if you can find something else to do that you enjoy, and keep your end goal in mind.
I know that's easier said than done, but I think you'll be really proud of yourself if you accomplish it and you'll be able to interview for your new job after graduation with lots of enthusiasm and confidence.
This is great advice, you basically read my mind. When I'm feeling really low, I just think about getting back in my car and driving back home to my friends and family and everything I knew--- but I'm stuck here, i'm in this situation and I KNOW with the high cost of living in California, it's not smart to go there without a job lined up... especially since all I have is a bachelors in Psychology and about 1 year of work experience. If I went back to California (like you said) in two years, with great internships, two and a half years at a good job... I would be able to live a much better quality of life. It's just the idea of sacrificing NOW and living through the day-to-day life in this place I REALLY strongly dislike.
I do frequently check out jobs in California... fast forward two years, there are quite a few great jobs I think I would qualify for. With a masters and the experience I'm getting, without it... I would have to start from the bottom again. Is it worth it? Two years seems like forever. I know it's really not... but it sounds SO painfully long...
Of course she can! She's entitled to her feelings. If she doesn't like the area, she doesn't like the area.
OP, I know what it's like to hate where you live. As others have pointed out, you can either transfer to another program or slog through until you're done with this one. I wouldn't go making any great commitments to the boyfriend, BTW.
If you decide to stay, see if you can take up some kind of new hobby. I was stuck in my last area for over a year waiting to move, and I made do with writing, visits with friends (be on the lookout for cheap flights), and getting into making mandalas. I also laid out a plan for my move, and goals like a five-year plan.
If you're feeling like attempting a little personal growth, maybe challenge yourself to find something good about the place. One way to do that is to go out and take pictures. That helped me a lot in my last year in my place. You might also try volunteering.
I feel for you with this. I really do.
Thanks so much! I just feel so torn. I KNOW the smarter decision is to stick out the two years and my program. I have a job that pays me pretty well, I am almost a year into this masters degree... I just slog through everyday life though, I know it could be a great mindfulness challenge to REALLY try and find good in this situation, but it's just so hard. I miss my friends from home, I miss California like crazy... The thing about transferring is that all the deadlines passed (you only apply once a year) so by the time I would be able to transfer, I would have about a year left of the program, and like someone mentioned-- it's much harder to transfer grad. school level courses than undergrad.
If the unrelenting desert bleakness is getting to you, invest in a few houseplants, and group them together for a little green oasis.
However - spring is coming, and that's when the desert blooms. Research it. In fact, research the history and background of your area - hit the local library and ask for suggestions about local history. You may well discover interesting places previously unknown to you this way that are within an hour or two's drive.
Stay in touch with old friends and family. But see if there are meet-up groups near you and be open to new friends with similar interests. Look into local concerts, plays, art exhibits, movies, etc. Explore your own creativity and make something or another.
Stay physically active - walk and bicycle now, before the weather heats up, then go swimming. Or ice-skating, year-round.
Decorate your living quarters in ways that feel comfortable. Include family photos, unless they make you more homesick. Ask your mom for your favorite recipes and make them frequently for a taste of home.
Plan a visit home when you get a chance. Is spring break travel a possibility? It's just a few weeks away. While you're home, make a serious effort to see what opportunities exist in your field, and if something looks good, see if you can meet with the head honchos (or at least the second-tier honchos) about potential future employment.
Leave. You're not stuck anywhere. There are so many people in Arizona who move here and complain incessantly about things that they cannot change. The desert was brown before you got here and will be brown after you leave. There was no ocean before you got here and there will be no ocean after you leave. If you can't learn to accept and embrace where you are, living anywhere besides "home" will be hell. Arizona is not California. It can be a hard transition moving anywhere new and some people just aren't cut out for it.
If you're so miserable, leave your program, and find another school in California. I don't know what else to tell someone who has already given up on an entire state. There is so much in Arizona that's not just some barren hot desert. It's a shame that some people see so little and give up so easily. Oh well.
I think Arizona is beautiful in it's own way, I just don't think it's the beauty and comfort I'm used to from home. I'm used to green and ocean and I do think the desert is beautiful, I just miss home. I know a big part of it is missing my family. I definitely should have done more research before I moved here, it was just an irrational decision which I'm regretting at the moment.
I'm actually thinking back half a century (I was in 2nd & 3rd grade). My family was living in Tempe, Arizona, as my Dad worked on an engineering degree.
We didn't have much money, but we did take advantage of the location to do some sight seeing. We visited the Grand Canyon, for example. Definitely worth visiting at least once in a life time, it truly is Grand. I also recall visiting Montezuma Castle, and a Mexican border town
The GC is wonderful... I wish I lived closer. I am in Phoenix Metro... yuck! :P Northern AZ is great. I wouldn't live there permanently, but I like it a lot more than Phoenix.
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).
I know the right choice isn't to crawl back home like a child (especially without a job or another degree plan lined up). I know the smart thing to do is to finish the two years... but right now, two years sounds painfully long.
