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What's up with mothers being obnoxious about their daughters' looks, I wonder...
I've got a memory from when I was pretty young... The movie, "Labyrinth" came out when I was 7, so I'm sure this memory is from within a year or so of that. And I'd told my Mom I wanted to marry a man like David Bowie, because I was pretty impressed with him, though I couldn't have said why at the time. (No, it isn't the tights, I promise...but I'm not getting into it now.) I'll never forget how she informed me that men like him only married blonde models with blue eyes, not regular girls with "sht brown" hair and eyes like me. God, thanks Mom. Funny, he wound up married to Iman. But her comment was clearly about what she thought men wanted, and what she thought beautiful looked like. It was pretty clear to me at the time, I did not qualify. My Mom has also warned me all my life that I would inevitably get fat one day. It has not happened. But there were times I visited, and put on a swimsuit to visit the lake, and she would look pointedly at my backside and inform me I was gaining weight. I wasn't.
I know a young woman who has eating disorders and self harm behaviors from her Mom's continuous put-downs about her looks. She, at 18, discovered grunge fashions and, as young people will do, has tried to build a style for herself. Her Mom says she looks like homeless trash. What is wrong with this woman? It hurt my heart to hear about it.
It's unreal to me that some parents don't seem to understand how harmful it can be to put your kids down. And seriously, as though life won't do it enough anyhow...
I was raised being told i was ugly, my mother body shames me to this day because im not thin like all the other asian girls. I have boobs and hips which is desirable in western culture these days but i grew up when thin was in. With that said, I don't think my body is ugly, life is too short to waste it hating yourself. My body represents my journey, it represents where i came from, and my parents that created me. My scars show how my body heals, my stretchmarks are a sign of what my body is capable off. My wobbly bits are warm and comforting.
Accepting my flaws has done wonders for my mental health and my relationships, there are still days when i wake up a little self conscious but that's just another part of my life.
Yes, I think this is definitely true. At our office party, one of my Asian coworkers (who is very stylish and attractive) was complaining about this. When I worked in Japan, I had one coworker who was very voluptuous/gorgeous and about a size 6 US after going to study for a few years in Los Angeles. She was known as the hot teacher in the school district and desirable even to the Japanese men, but she had serious self esteem issues because she thought of herself as fat because all the magazines portrayed the ideal woman as being around 48kg.
It's unreal to me that some parents don't seem to understand how harmful it can be to put your kids down. And seriously, as though life won't do it enough anyhow...
I was a chubby kid, and while my parents weren't jerks about making comments about how I looked, they weren't exactly graceful in attempting to help me. Even that little bit gave me a disordered attitude toward food and my own body that took me years to come to terms with. That's why I think it's funny how so many guys come on here insisting that women have always gotten whatever they wanted just because of our looks, when so many of us have issues with what we see in the mirror and that would never occur to us.
I am 59 and very low maintenance. Ageing with severe illnesses is something I got used to. Too many people had comments about my looks when young. Looking back at pictures from 1970s was just jealousy as I see now a fairly pretty teen.
So no I would never have negative comments about myself for what I look like now.
I do not compare myself to any celebrities. It is a world of illusions.
It is my body I live in and looks is the least thing I worry about.
Nope.. I have a good self image. I may not be all that and a bag of chips, but I get my fair share of attention. My weight is proportionate to my height, I exercise, eat healthy, and take very good care of my body.
We are what/who we are.
I am 57m f, peri-menopausal, PCOS, MS, birthed 3 children. Gained weight, lost weight, gray hair I still color.
I can only change so much, and if others do not like me, they do not have to look.
I pretty much hate how I look most of the time. I like my eyebrows and eyes. Hate my side profile, hate my hair (too thin), hate my skin, extra hate my teeth. I am terrified of gaining weight. I have a large chest for my size and wish it was much smaller. My legs are too short, thighs are too thick.
But I also know I am not that bad? Some days I think; "Okay, stop being dramatic, you're pretty" but then it's back to thinking I am just a pile of trash lol
My parents never, ever put me down or anything like that. I am not sure where my issues stem from. They are mine and I work to get better.
I saw something interesting once, that I may try (since I am an artist.) A man, who is an artist, drew pictures of what he thought he looked like, with all of the emphasis he put, in his mind, on his flaws in the drawings. Then he got a mirror out and did more accurate self portraits.
I think that this would be an interesting exercise for me to do.
I was a chubby kid, and while my parents weren't jerks about making comments about how I looked, they weren't exactly graceful in attempting to help me. Even that little bit gave me a disordered attitude toward food and my own body that took me years to come to terms with. That's why I think it's funny how so many guys come on here insisting that women have always gotten whatever they wanted just because of our looks, when so many of us have issues with what we see in the mirror and that would never occur to us.
I started my period and getting boobs at 9.
I was so embarassed about the boobs, and that they would be the subject of talk and ridicule, mostly from the boys, but sometimes the girls I went to school with as well. And my best friend telling me that her parents were talking about me and saying my parents should take me to get a bra...it was all mortifying to me.
By the time I was in junior high...which is a rough time for ANYONE, all I really wanted to do was hide under rocks.
Looking back, knowing NOW that junior high boys are idiots, and were probably fascinated with boobs instead of repulsed...I WISH I could've just owned my boobs and known the power they posessed. lol
When I was 40, my friends and family threw me a birthday party. One of the cards had a woman with saggy boobs, and something about aging. It was supposed to be funny, but I swear to God, I thought the person who gave me the card was making a statement about MY boobs! It shot me straight back to junior high, and I was embarassed all over again. Crushed. (Sigh.)
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