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You have only addressed (I think), Matt's comments and really no one elses. Why?
I've taken everyone's words under consideration. Every point doesn't need to have a counterpoint, that just smacks of defensiveness and I don't know why anyone would solicit advice on a messageboard just to argue down people who tell them things they don't agree with.
I don't agree that some of the things he has done that can be construed as controlling rise to the level of warranting immediately wiping my hands of him. But I appreciate people's sentiments regardless.
I'm not reducing this to just the sexual. I wrote a sentence on the sex and people are choosing to hone in on it as if I wrote a treatise on the matter. I also wrote about how thoughtful and romantic he is.
Yes, he has done things that could be categorized as 'controlling', but I think he wants to see I'm serious about things as he's trying to be serious with me.
Well you failed to read the rest of my post about all the red flags. But what do you expect, as I said, you're not thinking with your head.
These are the red flags I was talking about, can you see them now?
"Here's the negative, however:
He drinks. A lot. I mean, I drink a lot, too, but I go out a lot. I probably go out to a bar or nightclub around 4 or 5 times a week. He doesn't go out very much (he says it makes him tired, and that annoys me, because I like going out), but he drinks a lot. Even during the daytime. He'll play softball during the day and get drunk while doing that. I think that's bizarre.
He's bossy. Like, I like a man who directs the flow of things, and I'm generally a submissive type of person, but I hate when someone talks for me, and he does that. Like his friends or someone will ask me a question and he'll answer for me. I am not 4 and I can speak for myself. I did like Minority Report, and I would watch it again. I guess an extension of that is that he is sexually aggressive. He expects, rather than asking...but it's not in an ugly way, he's still charming to me, it's just that he doesn't have that deference.
He inquires about where I am and what I'm doing when I'm not with him too often, and suggests that I shouldn't go out or cancel my plans. I'm 24, I like to go out. I work hard and I play hard. If he thinks I'm going to start staying home on nights I can't get out to the Hamptons, he really is in for a rude awakening.
How concerned should I be about these issues? Should I defer to his judgment or rely on my ex's judgment since he's apparently known him for longer than I have?"
He's a drunk, he's bossy, he's demanding, he's controlling, just to name a few things I picked up from your post. Go back and re-read it and see if you can see this?
I just used the sex part to show that you MAY NOT be thinking clearly. Are you close with your parents, have a sister, brother, or a close friend that you can talk with about this? If so, show them what you've posted here and ask them what they think about this guy.
This guy shows all the sings of a serious alcoholic who is nothing but trouble and it will only get worse the closer you get to him. How do I know this? Because I'm an alcoholic who no longer drinks who knows the signs of someone who is out of control and heading down the wrong path in life.
You asked how concerned you should be and I say you should be deeply concerned about this guy. I'm not going to go back and forth with you about this as I've told you what I think. But as I've said, if you want my opinion about this I say run as fast as you can and never look back.
Whatever you decide, I hope that it works out the best for you.
You want this to work, so you are not listening to what anyone has said, nor are you likely to. You see his possessiveness as an indication that he wants to be serious. That is not the case. His possessiveness just shows that he wants you to be available for him whenever he wants you. Also, the age difference is not what people are worried about. You post that he drinks way too much. Doesn't that worry you? Also, sex is not what matters most in a relationship. You also say that he does not like to go out with you. Why not? If that is what you like to do, he should do it just because it makes you happy. A relationship is about give and take. If you are doing all the changing, then it is not a healthy relationship. You know if this seems like the type of relationship you want to be involved in or not. Nothing that any of us can say will change your mind if you are bent on being with this guy. Reread your original post and ask yourself if a friend of yours posted this would you be worried.
You have only addressed (I think), Matt's comments and really no one elses. Why?
Correction: It seems you have only addressed those that referenced the sexual, and no one elses comments.
The reason she addressed my comment because it was regarding hers and not the Firemans behavior. Posts attacking the guy as being in the wrong will not bother her as much as ones possibly suggesting that she may be at fault by lacking maturity. Critical thinking must always keep in mind that we have only one side to a Story from a poster. Thus you need to read between the lines to get the larger picture.
Quote:
Originally Posted by xxbabeechick
How does the heir apparent fact that I will have a better read on situations at 40, or that I would possibly do things differently translate into I'm not a suitable partner for someone in their 30s? I'm 24, not 16.
You might be a suitable fun time for a guy but your need to party and your lifestyle is not one of stability. Any guy that was looking for a serious life partner would not be interested in selecting a good time girl for that. Living with a Ex boyfriend is more than a Red flag. Wanting to go to the clubs most nights of the week is also a serious Red flag to anyone hoping for stability and suitability.
I don't agree that some of the things he has done that can be construed as controlling rise to the level of warranting immediately wiping my hands of him. But I appreciate people's sentiments regardless.
The truth of the matter is that you are there and we are not, therefore we are just expressing what we think from reading your original post.
It's not just a control issue, to me drinking is a big no-no. Once in a while, once a week, twice a week is okay, but he is showing signs of alcoholism. Drinking in the middle of the day with no reason? That's a sign of someone who is alcohol dependent.
Just be cautious, that's all I'm saying.
Babeechick, I think that the awesome sex might be blinding you a bit. The negatives you relayed are big ones, and I don't think he sounds like a good guy. He has some good points, but a bossy, controlling drinker is bad news. Those fantastic orgasms you're getting are clouding your judgment. When that sexual glow wears off, you might not like him so much.
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