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Now that I have read the thread, I can say that all the women (and occasional man) who claim that being a single mom isn't a liability is delusional. Of course it's a strike against you, unless you lie about your true situation. These are the same people who will claimthat being fat isn't a liability, and that everyone who rejects you for it is isn't a "good" man. Please! It's a jungle, people like what they like, and most men would prefer a woman without kids because it's easier that way. Everyone prefers a no-baggage situation, that's jet he way it is. Accept it and know you must bring more to the table to make up for his handicap. I have my own dating handicaps to deal with. That's life!
Bingo!!! The truth is, we're all a little selfish.
Thanks for clearing that up. You seem to be level headed about such things so I was wondering what exactly you meant.
One aspect of this that I find really irritating about the modern era is how 20 teen mothers to be, can be interviewed and they are all planning to keep the child. Then they wonder why they, their children, their close family and society in general has so many problems associated with this.
Meanwhile, older couples who waited to make a responsible decision, then find that fertility treatments don't work, end up going to Romania to adopt or must adopt a nine year old with severe behavioral problems, because the child was the ego boost for some 17 year old who was bored with school.
Part of the problem is that our modern society insists people go to school forever before they can actually start working at jobs that provide decent wages. Personally, I think a lot of what is taught in high school and college can be streamlined (e.g.-Bachelor's degrees in the UK are 3 years, not 4. And lot of Americans don't graduate even after 4 years). We need the schools to focus people more and weed out the people who are just going through the motions. We need to provide vocational education that leads to real jobs for people not interested in or smart enough for college.
Last edited by mysticaltyger; 07-25-2010 at 02:52 PM..
Part of the problem is that our modern society insists people go to school forever before they can actually start working at jobs that provide decent wages. Personally, I think a lot of what is taught in high school and college can be streamlined (e.g.-Bachelor's degrees in the UK are 3 years, not 4. And lot of Americans don't graduate even after 4 years). We need the schools to focus people more and weed out the people who are just going through the motions. We need to provide vocational education that leads to real jobs for people no interested in college.
I too believe that the disciplinarian method is more effective than the pacifist method. I read in an article a few months ago that it has actually very recently been determined that corporal punishment is more effective in disciplining children than time outs, and giving them talking to's, and grounding etc.
Part of the problem in todays society imo is that we are all a little too equal. The tiers and hierarchies of status have been obfuscated to the degree that everyone is considered one in the same. Children are taken as seriously as adults. Little Jimmy's opinion is considered as important as a grown person's. Men are women and women are men. Androgony = equality. Good is the same as bad. Throw your life away and exercise poor decision making skills? No prob..you are exempt from consequences just because you are you. No one makes wrong decisions, rather we are all just wrong for judging them. The social commentary from actors, athletes and entertainers holds the same value as the writings from educated scholars. Yes, athletes, actors and entertainers should be our go to source for perspicaciousness and insight.
These sort of equivocations of good and bad behavior, or equivocation within social status are a little too freely deployed nowdays imo. some people are better than other people. Doing stupid things, making poor decisions, and being a burden to society should disbar a person from being considered one of the better people.
This is why I'm all for premarital sex, living together before marriage, etc. The old adage about how "you wouldn't buy a car you'll have for four years without test driving it; why would you commit to someone for the rest of your life without doing the same?" rings true
Except for the fact that living together and premarital sex don't reduce the possibility of divorce at all. If anything, they increase it (not to mention increase the chances of single parenthood.) You probably could have found out that your gf was a slob without having to move in with her.
When you hear women say "I know I can change him!" does that come after the threat to her or her family? or could it just possibly be able the drama/challenge he presents that keeps her interest in keeping the relationship going?
By actually talking with women living in shelters. Knowing women who lived in abusive marriages. Being in a abusive marriage myself and talking with law enforcement about domestic cases.
Being how your perseptions are influenced mosty by TV you should try watching a documentary or the news every now and then instead of sitcoms and "reality" shows.
Ususally when I hear a women say "I can changee him" its after Ive heard him say, all I need is a good women to help me change.
Y'all aren't doomed, but you have to adjust expectations. You are asking a man to raise another mans kids -- and if you think otherwise you are in denial.
You're the one who's in denial. I've dated single mothers and NEVER was I asked or expected to raise their kids. I wasn't even asked to be their friend. I was simply asked to be understanding of the fact that they would sometimes demand their mother's attention.
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Originally Posted by NotARedneck
That's because you didn't do your homework. Making a good decision takes both time and discipline and for most people, these are two things they won't embrace. "Then, its not my fault - s/he changed!" when in fact, it was obvious to everyone else!
First off, there's only so much homework you can do on a person. Second, most of the single mothers I know have no trouble owning up to their share of the blame. Never have I heard them say "it not my fault."
Quote:
Originally Posted by mysticaltyger
Part of the problem is that our modern society insists people go to school forever before they can actually start working at jobs that provide decent wages. Personally, I think a lot of what is taught in high school and college can be streamlined (e.g.-Bachelor's degrees in the UK are 3 years, not 4. And lot of Americans don't graduate even after 4 years). We need the schools to focus people more and weed out the people who are just going through the motions. We need to provide vocational education that leads to real jobs for people not interested in or smart enough for college.
What's taught and not taught in schools isn't the problem. The problem is employers who use college education as a litmus test for applicants. I'm sure if you surveyed most people in college, they'd readily admit that most of what they learn is completely useless. But they know they'll have a hard time landing a job without a degree. A long, long time ago, employers would train their new employees. But they soon realized it would be cheaper to let a third party do that training. Plus, it would be a waste of time and money for the company to train someone if they quit only a few years later. That created a market for college education, where presumably the college could train someone and the employer could hire them and put them to work immediately. But more and more people are realizing that a college education doesn't mean much anymore and, given the cost, it's probably not even worthwhile. 4 years of college at 20K per year to come out and land an accounting job that pays 40K per year? It's not the job of schools to weed people out. It's the employers. They're the ones who say "must have a degree in accounting to be one of our staff accountants." That puts the burden on me to go find a school with a good accounting program. If the employer trusts my school's accounting program, then they'll assume I'm qualified. If not, they could make me take a test to prove that I mastered the subject. But either way, the burden is on the employer to make sure I'm qualified.
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Originally Posted by solytaire
I too believe that the disciplinarian method is more effective than the pacifist method. I read in an article a few months ago that it has actually very recently been determined that corporal punishment is more effective in disciplining children than time outs, and giving them talking to's, and grounding etc.
My parents tried physical punishment with me. I only learned two things. How to withstand pain and how to do a better job not getting caught at doing the wrong thing. In other words, the punishment didn't teach me what it was intended to do.
Quote:
Originally Posted by solytaire
Part of the problem in todays society imo is that we are all a little too equal. The tiers and hierarchies of status have been obfuscated to the degree that everyone is considered one in the same. Children are taken as seriously as adults. Little Jimmy's opinion is considered as important as a grown person's. Men are women and women are men. Androgony = equality. Good is the same as bad. Throw your life away and exercise poor decision making skills? No prob..you are exempt from consequences just because you are you. No one makes wrong decisions, rather we are all just wrong for judging them. The social commentary from actors, athletes and entertainers holds the same value as the writings from educated scholars. Yes, athletes, actors and entertainers should be our go to source for perspicaciousness and insight.
I don't see this at all. What I do see is people getting upset that others are being able to make the voices heard. So what if actors and other entertainers are speaking their mind? I don't see people equating their views with the writings of scholars. If anything, people tune them out telling them "you're just an actor so we don't care what you think." Likewise, if you're a parent and you dare to take into consideration your child's opinions, you're accused of making his or her opinion just as important as yours. I don't see parents doing this at all. Listening to your child's opinion isn't the same as giving it equal weight as yours, but that's exactly how some critics of parents interpret it.
I don't see this at all. What I do see is people getting upset that others are being able to make the voices heard. So what if actors and other entertainers are speaking their mind? I don't see people equating their views with the writings of scholars. If anything, people tune them out telling them "you're just an actor so we don't care what you think." Likewise, if you're a parent and you dare to take into consideration your child's opinions, you're accused of making his or her opinion just as important as yours. I don't see parents doing this at all. Listening to your child's opinion isn't the same as giving it equal weight as yours, but that's exactly how some critics of parents interpret it.
I dont mind actors, athletes and entertainers speaking their mind. THEY arent the problem as I see it, society is. society and its media give entertainers MUCH greater exposure (in addition to their existing public platform) to propagate their ideas than scholars receive from that same media.
I actually think this is one of the more influential reasons that American youth are underachieving; and why, even among those youths who do attend universities, they graviate toward more social sciences and the arts, rather than the maths and sciences, or even the languages.
Our media, and therefore our culture, displays a blatant devaluation of intelligencia in favor of artistry and entertainment. I think this plays a role in acculturating our youth toward what we value and dont value.
I suppose thats a topic for another thread though.
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