Quote:
Originally Posted by mandavaran
I came across a book called "365 Nights", in which a wife promises her husband sex every night for a full year. She presents this idea as her "gift" for his 40th birthday. I read the 1st couple of chapters, then skimmed through the rest and didn't find it that interesting. I gather they were a christian fundamentalist couple and this gift seemed to be almost part of a religious thing where the wife submits to her husband. She had previously tended to put off sex and apparently felt guilty about it.
I found the book condescending to men. She seemed to treat her husband as a little boy being given a treat and then sent on his way. She tended to talk about that day's mundane details while he was going at it and this understandably bothered him. From the parts I read, she rarely said anything good about the act, other than it was occasionally "nice". Of course, maybe that says more about him than her.
Anyway, what would your reaction be if your spouse told you they were going to gift you with sex every night for a year? As for me, a 51 year old male, I would probably run for the hills. I'm not married but when I was married, I did enjoy sex with my wife on occasion but would not want to indulge every night. I would think that after a few months, both people would be screaming for mercy. Hell, after a few weeks of nightly sex, that computer porn would start looking pretty good.
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I read this first post and NO others, so please forgive me if I end up repeating someone else's words, although merely giving an opinion and answering the question as posted, I likely shan't.
I would be quite happy to have sex with my spouse 365 days of the year. Now, before that sounds horribly redundant, allow me to explain my thoughts on "sex".
It may strike some as "unmanly" but I really couldn't give a rodent's keister if it does -- sex becomes almost (not quite, but almost) meaningless to me without intimacy and a serious bond of trust, fidelity and openness.
So long as I trust a romantic partner "sex" can run the whole gamut for me quite satisfyingly, from the lustful picture of two grunting, screaming, clawing animals who are attempting to occupy the same physical space until the stuff of the universe itself contracts and then explodes in a frenzy of orgasm which leaves the body shuddering and the throat raw and parched --
...all the way to quiet, very tender moments of the slowest caresses, trailing fingertips and soft kissing. I'm quite capable of both.
Can I get it up 365 days a year? Would I be interested in orgasm 365 days a year? Absolutely.
Will it happen quite that way? Probably not, because I can enjoy perfectly blissful, satisfying sex without actually having an orgasm, although fortunately as a man I'm practically guaranteed one.
Will each and every day be the same? No way.
Some days WILL be preceded by those
can't get enough of you looks, fondles, flirtations until we hurl ourselves madly at one another once the kids are down.
Some days I'll simply revel in slow seduction of her, even knowing she'd already be willing -- because it's not just fun, it's
intimate. Everyone wants to FEEL wanted, to feel like they're important enough to their partner that said partner will make the effort sometimes.
365 days a year would be no problem at all (with regard to desiring my spouse/partner) because sex isn't about ME, it's about US, and that's one aspect of a romantic relationship which *I* really enjoy, even if it often seems to me that many others don't feel the same way.
As for the wife in the book talking of mundane things
while the man was having sex with her -- I'd hazard a guess that really does say more about him than about her, although it still says a great deal about both. In my life I've been with a few women who were very up-front about how they really weren't into sex, had never found it very pleasant and thus not very important, BUT they understood and would accomodate my physical desires since it was apparent sex was important to me, at least.
Turned out sex was important to them, too; they just didn't know it yet.
If this guy was going at it and she was looking up at the ceiling and thinking
"Hmm.... blue, definitely blue... I'll shop tomorrow for different shades..." then Homeboy wasn't taking the time or effort to
interest his wife. That's where sexual satisfaction begins: INTEREST; and it's the very stuff which helps cement the relationship bonds in every area, not just sex.
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