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Well there could be several reasons that happens, both physical and psychological, or it could simply be that your sex drive is very low. That said, sex tends to be one of those things you want/need more the more you have it.
I know personally that my sex drive fluctuates wildly, not only with my mood, but the season (spring and summer are my primes) but most importantly, whether or not sex is available.
I'm in a steady relationship, and for some time we were separated by an ocean for 6 months at the time, during those 6 months my sexual drive would drop to maybe 10%, if that, of what it is when we're together.
If I were you, and you do have an issue with this, I would talk to my sexual partner about this (if you are in a relationship and it's stable enough to handle that conversation), openness about this will, I think, be key to engaging any properly successful relationship. Being open and honest with your partner might also open your partner up to different ideas and trying different things, giving you the time you need (hopefully) to relax and not be stressed about the situation, which I'm sure you are at this point, and trust me, that doesn't help.
Secondly I'd contact both a doctor and a psychologist and I wouldn't let them blow me off. Sex is an important part of life for many people, and if there's a medical reason why you can't enjoy it, it should be taken seriously.
If this is important to you, don't give up on it, explore possibilities, a psychologist can help you deal with any potential mental blocks you've created for yourself on the subject over the years.
And if it turns out your sex drive simply isn't on the level of the "average" person, don't feel "broken" just cause you're not like everyone else, people have led perfectly happy and rich lives without a wild sex life too.
My husband blows up at me when I try to talk to him about it. He feels like it's his fault or I am blaming him. Then he tries to overcompensate in the bedroom with 2hrs or sex that leaves me sore and swollen. He tries to force orgasms out of me and the big o for me is not the same as the big o for him.
I'll look into the psychological side of things though.
My husband blows up at me when I try to talk to him about it. He feels like it's his fault or I am blaming him. Then he tries to overcompensate in the bedroom with 2hrs or sex that leaves me sore and swollen. He tries to force orgasms out of me and the big o for me is not the same as the big o for him.
I'll look into the psychological side of things though.
Well it sounds to me like you've already found a big part of the problem, that being your man and his bruised male ego. (I'm a dude, I have some knowledge of it)
It's important that he realize that this isn't a matter of being right or wrong, it's a matter of finding something that works for both of you, and makes you both happy, the only thing he's doing wrong right now, is the way he's reacting to you, and just so you know, no one can force you to endure 2 hour marathons, if you don't want to, stop him.
Open communication really is key to making this work, so he needs to get over himself (with or without help), and you need to be tough enough to face that, if he's not willing to explore your sexuality with you, there's no way it'll work, if he is though, you never know, you might find out you two have a fantastic sex life.
And trust me, it'll be far better for your man once he actually does please you, than it is with what he does now. He just needs to realize that part.
I wish you good luck, and hope it works out for you.
EDIT: Oh and... isn't it pretty normal for a woman not to climax during the actual... act? Doesn't mean there can't be pleasure gained from it, or that there aren't other ways to get that result.
Well the #1 problem there is based on a very dated view of women, for one, and there's nothing wrong with bonding with more than one person. Certainly hasn't killed anyone I know, nor caused them irreparable damage.
#2 Herpes is transmittable in a plethora of ways, not only sex, most people either have it or are bearers of it, just a part of life, you do what you can to avoid it, but you'd lead a sad life if you avoid living because of it. Same goes for genital warts.
Lastly, your information comes from a horribly skewed website, with a very obvious agenda, it's not even close to neutral and objective, and shouldn't be trusted as a source of information.
Plus, you're disregarding all the positive things that comes out of having sex, including purely physical and chemical reactions to it, for one, it builds your immune system, it releases endorphines, which is good for you and your brain, it relaxes muscles and body as well as mind etc etc etc.
There are far more dangerous things out there than STD's, things like...getting in the car each morning. Walking around being scared, or trying to impose sex as some sort of danger is silly, at best.
If you're against sex before marriage for religious reasons, then be a man and admit it, don't go looking for silly, nonsensical reasons that aren't true or very skewed version of the truth.
This is kind of like people who claim coffee is bad for you, citing only the possible negative reactions you can have to it, whilst plainly disregarding huge, long lasting scientific tests proving all the good qualities of coffee.
There are risks involved in living, trying to avoid them all will only lead to an empty life.
Perhaps the 'agenda' of the website was to curb deaths brought about by the SEXUAL transmitted diseases AIDS and HPV , to help prevent people getting permanent STD's for life thereby greatly diminishing their chances of marriage after what you call 'living' for a couple of decades , to curb the walk-in Abortion epidemic of 4,000 developing Americans per day meeting their death due to someone elses 'living' gone wrong , and at the very least ... the emotional harm that comes mainly to women from spreading the deepest part of their Soul among many meaningless sexual encounters (?) . Perhaps the agenda of the website was to HELP YOU understand because it has YOUR best interests at hand ... and not to be a callous deliberate affront to your chosen lifestyle of fun (?)
Its not for 'religious reasons' I posted the website facts ; theres no mention of God in the Site nor from myself ; just the hard facts and statistics which ARE the consequences of the masses believing the Big Lie of casual sex in America.
It is very appropriate that i wish you Good Luck in your sexual conquests considering the scientifically defined ( real ) consequences that HAS AND IS occuring ; Ill take my chances getting into a car each morning than trying to discover myself thru a plethera of outside vaginal activity.
“When you have sex with someone, you are having sex with everyone they have had sex with for the last ten years, and everyone they and their partners have had sex with for the last ten years.” --C. Everett Koop. (Former U.S. Surgeon General.
Here are some quick facts:
Sexually Transmitted Diseases are the most common diseases in American next to the common cold and flu.
The estimated total number of people living in the US with a incurable STD is over 65 million. Every year, there are approximately 9 million new cases of STDs, among 15-24 year olds. (That is nearly 25,000 a day!) In the general population there are nearly 19 million people infected each year. (52,000 a day)
More than 1 in 5 Americans are presently infected with an STD.
20 different STDs are rampant among the young.
Less than half of adults ages 18 to 44 have ever been tested for an STD other than HIV/AIDS.
Often, people infected with STDs do not have initial symptoms and can transmit disease unknowingly to new partners.
Of the STDs that are diagnosed, only some (gonorrhea, syphilis, chlamydia, hepatitis A and B) are required to be reported to state health departments and the CDC.
It is estimated that as many as one in four Americans have genital herpes, a lifelong (but manageable) infection, yet up to 90 percent of those with herpes are unaware they have it.
At least 15 percent of all American women who are infertile can attribute it to tubal damage caused by pelvic inflammatory disease (PID) , the result of an untreated STD.
STDs often cause chronic pain and permanent damage.
Source: Is Sex Safe?, (brochure) Heritage House '76, Inc. 2008
Perhaps the 'agenda' of the website was to curb deaths brought about by the SEXUAL transmitted diseases AIDS and HPV , to help prevent people getting permanent STD's for life thereby greatly diminishing their chances of marriage after what you call 'living' for a couple of decades , to curb the walk-in Abortion epidemic of 4,000 developing Americans per day meeting their death due to someone elses 'living' gone wrong , and at the very least ... the emotional harm that comes mainly to women from spreading the deepest part of their Soul among many meaningless sexual encounters (?) . Perhaps the agenda of the website was to HELP YOU understand because it has YOUR best interests at hand ... and not to be a callous deliberate affront to your chosen lifestyle of fun (?)
Its not for 'religious reasons' I posted the website facts ; theres no mention of God in the Site nor from myself ; just the hard facts and statistics which ARE the consequences of the masses believing the Big Lie of casual sex in America.
It is very appropriate that i wish you Good Luck in your sexual conquests considering the scientifically defined ( real ) consequences that HAS AND IS occuring ; Ill take my chances getting into a car each morning than trying to discover myself thru a plethera of outside vaginal activity.
“When you have sex with someone, you are having sex with everyone they have had sex with for the last ten years, and everyone they and their partners have had sex with for the last ten years.” --C. Everett Koop. (Former U.S. Surgeon General.
Here are some quick facts:
Sexually Transmitted Diseases are the most common diseases in American next to the common cold and flu.
The estimated total number of people living in the US with a incurable STD is over 65 million. Every year, there are approximately 9 million new cases of STDs, among 15-24 year olds. (That is nearly 25,000 a day!) In the general population there are nearly 19 million people infected each year. (52,000 a day)
More than 1 in 5 Americans are presently infected with an STD.
20 different STDs are rampant among the young.
Less than half of adults ages 18 to 44 have ever been tested for an STD other than HIV/AIDS.
Often, people infected with STDs do not have initial symptoms and can transmit disease unknowingly to new partners.
Of the STDs that are diagnosed, only some (gonorrhea, syphilis, chlamydia, hepatitis A and B) are required to be reported to state health departments and the CDC.
It is estimated that as many as one in four Americans have genital herpes, a lifelong (but manageable) infection, yet up to 90 percent of those with herpes are unaware they have it.
At least 15 percent of all American women who are infertile can attribute it to tubal damage caused by pelvic inflammatory disease (PID) , the result of an untreated STD.
STDs often cause chronic pain and permanent damage.
Source: Is Sex Safe?, (brochure) Heritage House '76, Inc. 2008
Many people find sex a pleasure. Hard for religion to demand that people abstain from pleasure. So religion resorts to scare tactics...just think of all the bad things that can happen to you if you have sex!
Europe is not as religious as the US. Europeans do not have the phobias and complexes connected with sex as do Americans.
Perhaps the 'agenda' of the website was to curb deaths brought about by the SEXUAL transmitted diseases AIDS and HPV , to help prevent people getting permanent STD's for life thereby greatly diminishing their chances of marriage after what you call 'living' for a couple of decades , to curb the walk-in Abortion epidemic of 4,000 developing Americans per day meeting their death due to someone elses 'living' gone wrong , and at the very least ... the emotional harm that comes mainly to women from spreading the deepest part of their Soul among many meaningless sexual encounters (?) . Perhaps the agenda of the website was to HELP YOU understand because it has YOUR best interests at hand ... and not to be a callous deliberate affront to your chosen lifestyle of fun (?)
Its not for 'religious reasons' I posted the website facts ; theres no mention of God in the Site nor from myself ; just the hard facts and statistics which ARE the consequences of the masses believing the Big Lie of casual sex in America.
It is very appropriate that i wish you Good Luck in your sexual conquests considering the scientifically defined ( real ) consequences that HAS AND IS occuring ; Ill take my chances getting into a car each morning than trying to discover myself thru a plethera of outside vaginal activity.
The religious background for the opinion reeking off that website is very palpable. And no, it was not presenting cold hard facts and numbers, it was presenting an agenda, using skewed numbers and statistics and opinions to peddle it.
I find it amusing the assumptions you jump to regarding my sexlife, but lets ignore that for the moment and look at this realistically.
The correct use of condoms have been proven time and time again to be a very effective means of protection against all the most dangerous STD's as well as HIV and the potential of pregnancy. That does not mean that accidents don't happen (Condom breaks etc), but overall, if you have sex and the man uses a condom, it's an activity far safer than crossing the road, getting in a car, rock climbing or playing football, to name a few.
As far as Herpes goes, you're in no way protected from that by abstaining, you can get it from so many sources in so many ways, that it's negligible as an argument for abstaining.
As far as abortion goes, I find it's a slightly different topic, and one that's been discussed before, but in a vast majority of the cases we're talking about a lump of cells with absolutely nothing resembling brain activity, life or sustainability outside the body of the host. It's not a child, it's microbiology.
And "the emotional harm that comes mainly to women from spreading the deepest part of their Soul among many meaningless sexual encounters" For one, I wasn't aware it was their soul they were spreading, if so, I wasn't aware that the soul is located between our legs. Secondly, who said they were meaningless?
I'm am, as well is most people who's over the age of 18, fully aware of the potential illnesses that comes with having sex, but I take reasonable steps to protect myself, and accept that there are some risks involved when it comes to being alive. For example, I know that Wendys hamburgers aren't good for my health, but I still have one every now and then, I know there's serious risk involved when you drive with some spirit on a twisty bit of road, but that doesn't stop me from accepting the risks involved and doing it anyway. Or should I stay out of the ocean because there are potential sharks there that can potentially bite me? What about being outside? Wasps kill thousands each year, more than any other animal, should I stay indoors with my windows closed and abstain from being outside because of the potential dangers involved?
Oh and just like you, I get in the car in the morning (with no fear) and do a plethora of interesting "outside vaginal activities" too, so I guess I get to be on both sides of the fence. Lucky me!
Many people find sex a pleasure. Hard for religion to demand that people abstain from pleasure. So religion resorts to scare tactics...just think of all the bad things that can happen to you if you have sex!
Europe is not as religious as the US. Europeans do not have the phobias and complexes connected with sex as do Americans.
'Religion' isnt demanding anything in the above National STD Epidemic FACTS ; the facts are there to remind us all we've believed in a big lie ... that being ,the casual sex revolution is without consequences.
Europeans are people too and may be better at suppressing their moral consciences than Americans , or, they could have acquired a greater degree of apathy which gets them to the place they are at . I mean...its human nature to talk ourselves into things knowing full well theres very real consequences to the actions we are about to engage in isnt there ? Perhaps it makes greater sense to engage in less risky things than majorly risky things , if we are going to go the risk route (?)
The religious background for the opinion reeking off that website is very palpable. And no, it was not presenting cold hard facts and numbers, it was presenting an agenda, using skewed numbers and statistics and opinions to peddle it.
I find it amusing the assumptions you jump to regarding my sexlife, but lets ignore that for the moment and look at this realistically.
The correct use of condoms have been proven time and time again to be a very effective means of protection against all the most dangerous STD's as well as HIV and the potential of pregnancy. That does not mean that accidents don't happen (Condom breaks etc), but overall, if you have sex and the man uses a condom, it's an activity far safer than crossing the road, getting in a car, rock climbing or playing football, to name a few.
As far as Herpes goes, you're in no way protected from that by abstaining, you can get it from so many sources in so many ways, that it's negligible as an argument for abstaining.
As far as abortion goes, I find it's a slightly different topic, and one that's been discussed before, but in a vast majority of the cases we're talking about a lump of cells with absolutely nothing resembling brain activity, life or sustainability outside the body of the host. It's not a child, it's microbiology.
And "the emotional harm that comes mainly to women from spreading the deepest part of their Soul among many meaningless sexual encounters" For one, I wasn't aware it was their soul they were spreading, if so, I wasn't aware that the soul is located between our legs. Secondly, who said they were meaningless?
I'm am, as well is most people who's over the age of 18, fully aware of the potential illnesses that comes with having sex, but I take reasonable steps to protect myself, and accept that there are some risks involved when it comes to being alive. For example, I know that Wendys hamburgers aren't good for my health, but I still have one every now and then, I know there's serious risk involved when you drive with some spirit on a twisty bit of road, but that doesn't stop me from accepting the risks involved and doing it anyway. Or should I stay out of the ocean because there are potential sharks there that can potentially bite me? What about being outside? Wasps kill thousands each year, more than any other animal, should I stay indoors with my windows closed and abstain from being outside because of the potential dangers involved?
Oh and just like you, I get in the car in the morning (with no fear) and do a plethora of interesting "outside vaginal activities" too, so I guess I get to be on both sides of the fence. Lucky me!
'Religion' isnt demanding anything in the above National STD Epidemic FACTS ; the facts are there to remind us all we've believed in a big lie ... that being ,the casual sex revolution is without consequences.
Europeans are people too and may be better at suppressing their moral consciences than Americans , or, they could have acquired a greater degree of apathy which gets them to the place they are at . I mean...its human nature to talk ourselves into things knowing full well theres very real consequences to the actions we are about to engage in isnt there ? Perhaps it makes greater sense to engage in less risky things than majorly risky things , if we are going to go the risk route (?)
Yet in the sexually more relaxed and open Europe there's significantly less teen pregnancies and significantly less abortions amongst teenagers (and older age brackets), how do you explain that? How can there be more acceptance for sex, yet less of the possible negative consequences.
I haven't read up on the prevalence of STD's in Europe (mainly western Europe which is generally what people mean when referring to Europe) vs. The US, but I wouldn't be surprised if there are significant differences there too.
Quote:
Originally Posted by CallMePeter
Again, good luck. I mean it too.
Oh, I don't need luck, I have common sense on my side. Care to comment on any of the actual debating points though, instead of copping out with personal remarks?
My husband blows up at me when I try to talk to him about it. He feels like it's his fault or I am blaming him. Then he tries to overcompensate in the bedroom with 2hrs or sex that leaves me sore and swollen. He tries to force orgasms out of me and the big o for me is not the same as the big o for him.
I'll look into the psychological side of things though.
Was it like this before him as well?
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For one, I wasn't aware it was their soul they were spreading, if so, I wasn't aware that the soul is located between our legs. Secondly, who said they were meaningless?
