Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
I've read statistics that show men cheat more than women but all women eventually cheat if they meet the following criteria
01 are attractive enough to cheat and secure another partner or partners
02 have a sex drive that is at a level equivalent to wanting to cheat
03 are financially able to and not dependent on the man they are with
04 are within an age bracket conducive to cheating (not elderly)
05 they can gain something by cheating: better sex, more attention,etc
I'm totally ok with being with a woman that cheats but under certain circumstances that probably make it not even cheating if she does. To start with - full disclosure. Let me know up front that we don't have an intimate, committed and loving relationship and that you will jump ship for a better deal when it is available, and then so will I and we can both co-exist as adults up to that point without the lies and deception associated with cheating. And don't text me over 30 times a day saying "I love you soooooo much" and miss me and that will spare me from having to live a charade and do the same. Let me know whats going on so I don't take you on expensive trips to Cabo, Fiji and buy you diamond earings and support you through life crisis moments that the other guy or guys won't.
Cheating is never really the issue - its the lies, manipulation, triangulation and deception that surround it. The problem for most women though is that the excitment of "cheating" is part of the thrill as to why they engage in it to begin with, and some do it to maintain some kind of emotional and psychological dominance within the parameters of their primary relationship, never quite wanting to let that one go in exchange for something new until they are sure they have the next guy locked in and ready.
I accessed an ex girlfriends voicemail once after watching her type in the code and from the messages she had saved from the next idiot, it was obvious she was cheating and he thought he was the man. I thought it was weird that she wouldn't have just come out and told me what was going on, so that I as a mature, rational, logical adult could assess the situation and make a decision instead of making her every need (material, sexual, emotional) my full time job. Thats the really twisted part of cheating. Not so much the sex, but the fact that someone keeps the primary person they are with in the dark and making decisions based on what they think is really happening with the relationship. I guess thats were the sociopathic/narcissistic element enters the scene. Only a seriously screwed up person could be doing something that they themselves think is so wrong to have to keep it a secret, but keep doing it anyway.
As I've stated before, I have found it is far better to be the guy that a woman is having an affair with on the side than the clueless idiot that thinks he is in a monogamous relationship with her and acts accordingly. I still have a couple of women on hold from previous relationships, one particularly that is a flight attendant who is with a new guy that is totally into her and thinks she is only with him. When I get a text from her letting me know she will have a layover in my city, its basically ON from the time she lands until she leaves in the morning and goes back to loser-boy in the morning. That clown proposed to her a few months ago, and she didn't even have enough of a conscience to take her engagement rign off before last weeks 12 hour F-fest. It just blows my mind sometimes.
I've read statistics that show men cheat more than women but all women eventually cheat if they meet the following criteria
01 are attractive enough to cheat and secure another partner or partners
02 have a sex drive that is at a level equivalent to wanting to cheat
03 are financially able to and not dependent on the man they are with
04 are within an age bracket conducive to cheating (not elderly)
05 they can gain something by cheating: better sex, more attention,etc
I'm totally ok with being with a woman that cheats but under certain circumstances that probably make it not even cheating if she does. To start with - full disclosure. Let me know up front that we don't have an intimate, committed and loving relationship and that you will jump ship for a better deal when it is available, and then so will I and we can both co-exist as adults up to that point without the lies and deception associated with cheating. And don't text me over 30 times a day saying "I love you soooooo much" and miss me and that will spare me from having to live a charade and do the same. Let me know whats going on so I don't take you on expensive trips to Cabo, Fiji and buy you diamond earings and support you through life crisis moments that the other guy or guys won't.
Cheating is never really the issue - its the lies, manipulation, triangulation and deception that surround it. The problem for most women though is that the excitment of "cheating" is part of the thrill as to why they engage in it to begin with, and some do it to maintain some kind of emotional and psychological dominance within the parameters of their primary relationship, never quite wanting to let that one go in exchange for something new until they are sure they have the next guy locked in and ready.
I accessed an ex girlfriends voicemail once after watching her type in the code and from the messages she had saved from the next idiot, it was obvious she was cheating and he thought he was the man. I thought it was weird that she wouldn't have just come out and told me what was going on, so that I as a mature, rational, logical adult could assess the situation and make a decision instead of making her every need (material, sexual, emotional) my full time job. Thats the really twisted part of cheating. Not so much the sex, but the fact that someone keeps the primary person they are with in the dark and making decisions based on what they think is really happening with the relationship. I guess thats were the sociopathic/narcissistic element enters the scene. Only a seriously screwed up person could be doing something that they themselves think is so wrong to have to keep it a secret, but keep doing it anyway.
As I've stated before, I have found it is far better to be the guy that a woman is having an affair with on the side than the clueless idiot that thinks he is in a monogamous relationship with her and acts accordingly. I still have a couple of women on hold from previous relationships, one particularly that is a flight attendant who is with a new guy that is totally into her and thinks she is only with him. When I get a text from her letting me know she will have a layover in my city, its basically ON from the time she lands until she leaves in the morning and goes back to loser-boy in the morning. That clown proposed to her a few months ago, and she didn't even have enough of a conscience to take her engagement rign off before last weeks 12 hour F-fest. It just blows my mind sometimes.
Finally, a real man on the forums. Welcome, fellow playa.
I've read statistics that show men cheat more than women but all women eventually cheat if they meet the following criteria
01 are attractive enough to cheat and secure another partner or partners
02 have a sex drive that is at a level equivalent to wanting to cheat
03 are financially able to and not dependent on the man they are with
04 are within an age bracket conducive to cheating (not elderly)
05 they can gain something by cheating: better sex, more attention,etc
I'm totally ok with being with a woman that cheats but under certain circumstances that probably make it not even cheating if she does. To start with - full disclosure. Let me know up front that we don't have an intimate, committed and loving relationship and that you will jump ship for a better deal when it is available, and then so will I and we can both co-exist as adults up to that point without the lies and deception associated with cheating. And don't text me over 30 times a day saying "I love you soooooo much" and miss me and that will spare me from having to live a charade and do the same. Let me know whats going on so I don't take you on expensive trips to Cabo, Fiji and buy you diamond earings and support you through life crisis moments that the other guy or guys won't.
Cheating is never really the issue - its the lies, manipulation, triangulation and deception that surround it. The problem for most women though is that the excitment of "cheating" is part of the thrill as to why they engage in it to begin with, and some do it to maintain some kind of emotional and psychological dominance within the parameters of their primary relationship, never quite wanting to let that one go in exchange for something new until they are sure they have the next guy locked in and ready.
I accessed an ex girlfriends voicemail once after watching her type in the code and from the messages she had saved from the next idiot, it was obvious she was cheating and he thought he was the man. I thought it was weird that she wouldn't have just come out and told me what was going on, so that I as a mature, rational, logical adult could assess the situation and make a decision instead of making her every need (material, sexual, emotional) my full time job. Thats the really twisted part of cheating. Not so much the sex, but the fact that someone keeps the primary person they are with in the dark and making decisions based on what they think is really happening with the relationship. I guess thats were the sociopathic/narcissistic element enters the scene. Only a seriously screwed up person could be doing something that they themselves think is so wrong to have to keep it a secret, but keep doing it anyway.
As I've stated before, I have found it is far better to be the guy that a woman is having an affair with on the side than the clueless idiot that thinks he is in a monogamous relationship with her and acts accordingly. I still have a couple of women on hold from previous relationships, one particularly that is a flight attendant who is with a new guy that is totally into her and thinks she is only with him. When I get a text from her letting me know she will have a layover in my city, its basically ON from the time she lands until she leaves in the morning and goes back to loser-boy in the morning. That clown proposed to her a few months ago, and she didn't even have enough of a conscience to take her engagement rign off before last weeks 12 hour F-fest. It just blows my mind sometimes.
Flight attendants (particularly younger regional airline ones) are hos. Comes with the city hopping.
How would you rate the odds of attaining a lifelong monogamous relationship, now that you, just as I have, have seen the backstage of this charade of a life we all live, where monogamy is all but a myth. Would you rate the odds of monogamy real between Disney 'fantasy' and 'never gonna happen'. Cause as much as I reproach you for enabling the cheating of another couple, I completely empathize as I have been the recepient of cheating and I have been the single party with a woman cheating on her man. It's a mess this world I tell you.
Cheating may be regarded as nothing to be concerned about by some people, but they'd sing a whole different tune if their spouses's feelings begin to change during an affair. Happened to a friend of mine who was rather nonchalant about he and his wife's tendencies to stray, but then she found someone she actually fell for, and his feeling of betrayal was quite comical to me. And, no, they finally split after over 30 years of marriage.
I always thought that was a stupid word, 'cheating.' Once upon a time it implied adultery, because you were only supposed to have sex with your spouse, but since now far more relationships are between unmarried couples, it just means having sex outside the relationship. Now I understand wanting to be loyal and keeping yourself only for that person, but I also find of weirdly outdated that people make a huge fuss over cheating when people have an average of many partners during their lifetimes. Few men care about being with a virgin anymore, yet it's not so much of a problem if they've had many partners in the past? Or that they will have other partners in the future? I'm not the jealous type, and in the absence of any sort of moral law we all might as well be swingers. Since that's what evolutionary biologists/anthropologists tell us, that we're not really supposed to even be monogomous. Perhaps we're in a transitional phase?
Yes I know it can be hurtful to be cheated on/hurt somebody, but seriously, people STILL act like sex is so sacramental even when marriage isn't the sacred preserve of sex. Women in particular seem to have no to zero tolerance fo cheating; I just don't see why it's such a HUGE deal, if the r/ship is temporary as well. By this I don't mean for them to not care at all, sure they should be upset if both parties have agreed the r/ship is exclusive, but I mean, if it was only an error of judgement is it really like unforgivable? Sure you can find someone who might not cheat, but it's not the only criteria. I still don't get the mindset between stoning for adultery etc. While we don't stone anymore, that mindset is still there.
So most men have much more tolerance for getting cheated on compared to women ? So most men on the planet are very open to being in a serious relationship with a porn star or prostitute even though what they do for a living involves putting another man's penis inside their mouth ?
No, neither are subjective. Reasons for doing so can be subjective but the acts are what they are. If your marriage is screwed up to the point that you can not be faithful, end the marriage. Your finances may be ruined but that is a price you pay to break the contract. Guess what? Life is not without consequences. Now on whether the contract should be a till death do you part that is another argument all together.
Having excuses for doing what pleased you to do is very human. But it is a excuse and not a straight forward addressing the situation. You can rationalize it in any manner that you want but it does not change the basics.
Everyone "rationalizes". Its called being human. No one is perfect and marriages in this economy and generation that last longer than 15-20 years are a rarity.
Most women 30-55 work. They wennt to college and didnt sit home waiting for the man to be a breadwinner. The prior generations that did, women had a different outlook.
Everyone can choose today. that is the beauty of it. I dont judge anyone bcs IMO marriage is hard. I have a neighbor who was a great Mom, now the boys are done w. grad school and her husband cheats left and right.
Sorry, I would NEVER put up with that. Its wrong, and alot of women today file divorce bcs of that issue alone.
Last edited by dreamofmonterey; 06-05-2011 at 03:25 PM..
Reason: add
Everyone "rationalizes". Its called being human. No one is perfect and marriages in this economy and generation that last longer than 15-20 years are a rarity.
Most women 30-55 work. They wennt to college and didnt sit home waiting for the man to be a breadwinner. The prior generations that did, women had a different outlook.
Everyone can choose today. that is the beauty of it. I dont judge anyone bcs IMO marriage is hard. I have a neighbor who was a great Mom, now the boys are done w. grad school and her husband cheats left and right.
Sorry, I would NEVER put up with that. Its wrong, and alot of women today file divorce bcs of that issue alone.
Since your post started with quoting mine I am assuming it has a reason for doing so. I just can not figure out what that is from your post. Perhaps you could rephrase exactly what it is that you are trying to convey in more simple terms? Are you Pro cheating? Con cheating? Or you think it is justified in certain cases?
Personally on the subject of marriage I tend to favor annual expiration unless renewed with the consent of both parties. However that is a subject for a different Thread.
You simply answered a prior post I had discussed on this, and said I was rationalizing.Yes, and everyone does that, to a degree.
I rarely post on this forum since I went thru an issue 3 years ago similar to bluesmamas friend. I dont like to talk about my own situation but IMO everyone rationalizes their behavior.
Im not judging pro, or con. IMO most who have done it after a long marriage, its a complicated issue, and unless I was their psychologist I wont sit in judgement and say "its wrong". It isnt black and white, especially if some1 is living in a miserable marriage.
You simply answered a prior post I had discussed on this, and said I was rationalizing.Yes, and everyone does that, to a degree.
I rarely post on this forum since I went thru an issue 3 years ago similar to bluesmamas friend. I dont like to talk about my own situation but IMO everyone rationalizes their behavior.
Im not judging pro, or con. IMO most who have done it after a long marriage, its a complicated issue, and unless I was their psychologist I wont sit in judgement and say "its wrong". It isnt black and white, especially if some1 is living in a miserable marriage.
In other words, you believe cheating is justified.
No, not everyone justifies their behavior. No, being judgmental has nothing to do with being someones psychologist. People confuse judging issues with assigning punishment after the issue has been judged. The issue of what the punishment should be for cheating is another topic. What do you recommend?
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
Its called being human. No one is perfect and marriages in this economy and generation that last longer than 15-20 years are a rarity.
. I dont judge anyone bcs IMO marriage is hard. I have a neighbor who was a great Mom, now the boys are done w. grad school and her husband cheats left and right. 
Since your post started with quoting mine I am assuming it has a reason for doing so. I just can not figure out what that is from your post. Perhaps you could rephrase exactly what it is that you are trying to convey in more simple terms? Are you Pro cheating? Con cheating? Or you think it is justified in certain cases?
