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How is it hypocrisy to voice an expectation of faithfulness and to hold yourself the the same standard as the treatment you're expecting?
That's not what serial monogamy is. Serial monogamy is an implicit understanding that you have no intention of holding on to that relationship, though you'd espouse by virtue of being "monogamous" that you value exclusivity. Thence hypocrisy.
But society is appeased by the appearance of exclusivity, that makes the herd copacetic. It's a façade. Which is why the marriage contract can kiss my rear, it's not compatible with a defacto poligamist social construct people are pursuing these days. People these days need 5 different people to be five different things during five different decades. I don't care about the semantics of sequentially using up these 5 iterations under the guise of "temporal exclusivity", there's nothing genuine or lasting about it.
To answer the OP....Some of us still have a problem with the way society is today. You don't have to be a religious nut to see that cheating is hurtful and destructive.
I'm very confused by this thread. What does the number of people you have slept with in the past have anything to do with fidelity in a relationship? I slept with people before I met my husband so therefore I shouldn't care if he sleeps around while we are married? This whole thread seems to be nonsense. It sounds as if the OP has no idea what a relationship even is.
That's the problem, everything is based on feelings these days.
Feelings are important because that is how you decide to live your life. Your feelings about cheating are "whats the bid deal?" Those are feelings. Be sure to tell your future partner your feelings.
Because when you're in a serious relationship with someone, you assume that they respect your trust and feelings. To cheat is to break that trust and hurt those feelings, sometimes very callously.
Thank you I'm a guy and have been cheated on 3 times. I have never cheated. It really hurts when you trust someone and think of them all the time, and think of the future with them and find out she has did this. Sickening.
In the case of my divorce, the way her cheating affected me was that it made me unable to retain the trust on that person that has access to my bedroom and my private thoughts, when I can no longer trust that person to proverbially not torch the house, not blow money, not leave the hypothetical children unattended, and essentially keep my confidence at heart. The reality is that I was no longer trusting she was capable of holding the line on more important things than sex (all the above are good examples) by her demonstrated propensity to be swayed by the use of third party sexual attention. That's really why I consider cheating a red flag.
Sexual variety can be included in the bedroom in a mutual understanding among the partners without threatening said wall enclosure of trust. But the latter requires 1)a strong sense of mutual belonging and trust in the first place and 2)no sexual hangups among both partners. It's not for everybody. So yeah cheating ain't about monogamy for me, it's about indications of lack of trust on things more important than sex, to me.
In the case of my divorce, the way her cheating affected me was that it made me unable to retain the trust on that person that has access to my bedroom and my private thoughts, when I can no longer trust that person to proverbially not torch the house, not blow money, not leave the hypothetical children unattended, and essentially keep my confidence at heart. The reality is that I was no longer trusting she was capable of holding the line on more important things than sex (all the above are good examples) by her demonstrated propensity to be swayed by the use of third party sexual attention. That's really why I consider cheating a red flag.
Sexual variety can be included in the bedroom in a mutual understanding among the partners without threatening said wall enclosure of trust. But the latter requires 1)a strong sense of mutual belonging and trust in the first place and 2)no sexual hangups among both partners. It's not for everybody. So yeah cheating ain't about monogamy for me, it's about indications of lack of trust on things more important than sex, to me.
You were swingers and you think she was cheating? That sounds like it's about control, if she could have sex with others she just had to do it under your control?
I know of a swinger couple and the wife is openly promiscuous on her own and he apparently doesn't care, she doesn't have to bring her lovers home but he knows about at least some of them. I don't think he's in on any of it any more.
Even if our society is going down the toilet in this sense, why would you wanna let go? I mean don't you think it's important to preserve some kind of standard for marriage?
You were swingers and you think she was cheating? That sounds like it's about control, if she could have sex with others she just had to do it under your control?
I know of a swinger couple and the wife is openly promiscuous on her own and he apparently doesn't care, she doesn't have to bring her lovers home but he knows about at least some of them. I don't think he's in on any of it any more.
Haha, reading comprehension anyone? Speaking of poliamory (and/or multiple sexual partners in a committed relationship, let's not get hung up on nomenclature here for the sake of the discussion shall we?) and also of my failed relationship in the same post neither establishes a causal relationship nor implies I was a swinger in my failed marriage. These were two separate assertions.
That means, no, we weren't swingers, I was just making a statement about swinging in the context of establishing that, for me, cheating is more about a [lack of] demonstration of trust in more important life topics, than it is about feelings of sexual inadequacy or jealousy.
But since the thought of swinging seems to freak you out, I'll restate that, no, I don't find anything wrong with multi-partner recreational sex in a committed relationship. I don't find that practice necessarily hazardous, though I recognize the majority of people are simply not in strong enough relationships or sexually mature enough to be able to carry through such practice without becoming jealous or unstable.
Likewise I don't think most people can de-couple the recreational nature of sex in modern society, even though they implicitly do it every day by CHEATING. Such hypocrisy. Cheating fulfills the same carnal release but poliamory is deviancy? You dang skippy is about control. Sharing recreational sex in a controlled environment is likely to not threaten my economic security or the emotional support I gain from my committed partner, the way cheating does. Your example of a swinging couple where one partner is being disloyal does not in any way represent that the construct of poliamory is endemically disloyal. That's like me saying that ALL marriages are marriages of convenience. I think most are, but even I cannot assert that ALL of them are.
All that said, I also don't consider it [poliamory] a pre-requisite in order to be sexually happy with someone. I personally believe I can be sexually happy with someone willing to provide me the frequency and style of sex I crave, without having to resort to multiple partners. Then again my partner may need multiple partners either as a function of sexual curiosity or as an endemic need for that sexual construct. There's a ton of variables to this equation, and every couple will be different. Which is why I believe in to each their own, you know?
That said, I'm not gonna live sexually unhappy with someone who isn't able to sexually provide for me to those standards, again, like a lot of people do and then end up cheating; see a pattern?
We're poo-flinging monkeys I tell you, we whine because people lie to us but then we freak out and cover our ears when people threaten to be blunt and honest about the things they lie to us about in the first place, because it upsets our sensitivities. We don't REALLY wanna hear it. Meh, chit or get off the pot.
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I'm a guy and have been cheated on 3 times. I have never cheated. It really hurts when you trust someone and think of them all the time, and think of the future with them and find out she has did this. Sickening.
