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I'm very confused by this thread. What does the number of people you have slept with in the past have anything to do with fidelity in a relationship? I slept with people before I met my husband so therefore I shouldn't care if he sleeps around while we are married? This whole thread seems to be nonsense. It sounds as if the OP has no idea what a relationship even is.
Exactly. It makes no sense at all. Who a person has been with in their past has no relevance.
That's the problem, everything is based on feelings these days.
You sound like my friend, never had a serious girlfriend. When it comes down to all matters, he thinks "feelings" and considering someone elses feelings shouldn't be involved. I bet you're also a liberal.
As stated, we're not robots. Have you ever dealt with someone that is on anti depressants, because they can act robotic, and I would hate to live in a world with no feelings.
The man on the moon (hypothetically speaking) may have never set foot on Earth, but he knows the Earth is round. Something many of the ancients didn't know.
My point isn't that it's impossible to understand a relationship unless you've been in one. My point is that your post shows a lack of understanding of what a relationship is. If you think because someone has had sex with other people before - that it means that fidelity in a relationship is not important - it shows that you do not understand what being in a relationship is like. The fact that someone has had sex outside of marriage does not mean that they do not value fidelity or trust. Virginity has nothing to do with cheating. The fact that you would equate these things means that you lack a basic understanding in these areas.
I would never cheat on my husband. I love him with all my heart. I trust him and he trusts me. We both slept with other people before we were together. However - when we got together - we no longer desired other people. The people that I was with before him - most of them were monogamous relationships as well. The fact that I wasn't a virgin on our wedding day doesn't mean that I think cheating is acceptable. These things have absolutely nothing to do with each other. You are confusing two separate issues. Which is why I think that you don't understand what a relationship is. Even if you had been in a relationship before - I would say that based on your OP.
Sex outside the marriage is the ultimate deal-breaker.
But it's not even the number one reason people fight/break up; money is.
We vow lots of things when we stand up in front of friends and family and pledge our lives to each other. But the only rule you better not break is the sex one! Yeah. Makes lots of sense.
I think I'd have a problem with my husband breaking any of his vows!
But I guess, in a way - you can stop honoring or cherishing someone - but it probably happens over time and isn't quite as noticable. If you cheat on someone - it's a cold hard fact staring you in the face. If my husband came to me one day and said he no longer cherished me - I think I'd have a pretty big problem with that. But I think people are more likely to confess to cheating that confess to a lack of honoring or cherishing.
"Everything these days is based on feelings;" hah...when was everything ever NOT based on feelings? The only time I can think of that marriages and relationships weren't based on feelings has been in cultures where they are financial arrangements/women as chattel/monarchical alliances formed by royalty marrying children off to dignitaries of other kingdoms. And, I'd venture to say that even in THOSE instances, feelings also did come into play.
I think I'd have a problem with my husband breaking any of his vows!
But I guess, in a way - you can stop honoring or cherishing someone - but it probably happens over time and isn't quite as noticable. If you cheat on someone - it's a cold hard fact staring you in the face. If my husband came to me one day and said he no longer cherished me - I think I'd have a pretty big problem with that. But I think people are more likely to confess to cheating that confess to a lack of honoring or cherishing.
LOL!
You are right. But while no one confesses to not honoring or cherishing, we see married people do it every day...but they don't break up over it.
Sex outside the marriage is the ultimate deal-breaker.
But it's not even the number one reason people fight/break up; money is.
We vow lots of things when we stand up in front of friends and family and pledge our lives to each other. But the only rule you better not break is the sex one! Yeah. Makes lots of sense.
Infidelity is almost always the result of somthing missing in the marriage. It is typically weighed too heavily compared with Drug Addiction, Alcoholism, Physical/emotional spousal abuse, Child abuse.
I have a friend that is happily married, other than her spouse hasn't put out in years, only boy has grown up and left house. She's fine with everything except the lack of sex. She's a little older than me, early 40's and she has herself a 25 year old boy toy at this pub we frequent. It's all good for her. she has a de-facto don't ask don't tell policy with her husband, so it apparently works. She said she could outright tell him, but I don't think either of them want to hear it!
I just don't see why it's such a HUGE deal, if the r/ship is temporary as well.
It very well may not be a big deal to you. But if the person you cheated on thinks it's a big deal it is to her. By your train of thought, why does it matter if the cheated on thinks it's a big deal and walks?
Yeah I know, you're only a **** if you have sex with many people at the same time. Whereas if you have say 20 boyfriends sequentially you're somehow less of a ****?
Bingo. Serial monogamy is the biggest hypocrisy of human relationships since chastity belts.
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