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OP, you used the word "cheating." If any of the people in a relationship clearly expect fidelity during the course of the relationship, then a betrayal of that expectation and the violation of their trust is a very significant transgression.
I will agree that expectations of fidelity may be outmoded for some, but most people still do have the expectation. Of course, those who do not or who have willingly agreed to an open relationship of some kind, won't have a problem.
So, while YOU may think the issue is overblown, all you have to do to avoid getting yourself into a mess is to discuss the issue with any current or future partner and get their agreement for a non-monogamous relationship. Rather than complain about the world as it IS, just ethically deal with your own part of it. You can make a case for non-monogamy, and hope to change opinions, but that does not relieve YOU of the ethical responsibility to behave according to a relationship's expectations.
who is to say there should be exclusivity in relationships?
Obviously, the individuals involved in them make that call.
It seems like a no-brainer that if you DON'T want exclusivity in your romantic relationships, you be up front about that with the people you're involved with, and if you're smart, only enter into relationships with people who are like-minded on that front.
If you are having a hard time finding people to enter into such relationships, them's the breaks. Should tell you something about what most people are looking for, eh?
Bottom line...if you exhibit infidelity when in a relationship with somebody who values and expects fidelity, you're breaking trust. That's not "society's" fault. It's yours.
Ask someone who has contracted AIDS from their spouse.... (I know of a couple this happened to)
Someone who's spouse fathered a child outside of their union (happened to people I know personally)
The betrayal and trust etc....
Cheating is a huge deal and as a woman, personally, I will not tolerate it. If I am able to keep my marital vows and legs closed to other men, then I am being committed and faithful. I fully expect the same thing from a spouse. If he cannot do that, there is no point of getting married or being in an exclusive relationship. I don't share...
Only men are biologically programmed to "spread their seed" for reproduction purposes.
THAT is false. Humans evolved for both sexes to be promiscuous maters. Our present culture is based on monogamy, but that's a social meme, not a biological one.
Two references for those who are actually intersted in understanding this:
1. Sex at Dawn: The prehistoric origins of human sexuality
2. Sperm Wars
I always thought that was a stupid word, 'cheating.' Once upon a time it implied adultery, because you were only supposed to have sex with your spouse, but since now far more relationships are between unmarried couples, it just means having sex outside the relationship. Now I understand wanting to be loyal and keeping yourself only for that person, but I also find of weirdly outdated that people make a huge fuss over cheating when people have an average of many partners during their lifetimes. Few men care about being with a virgin anymore, yet it's not so much of a problem if they've had many partners in the past? Or that they will have other partners in the future? I'm not the jealous type, and in the absence of any sort of moral law we all might as well be swingers. Since that's what evolutionary biologists/anthropologists tell us, that we're not really supposed to even be monogomous. Perhaps we're in a transitional phase?
Yes I know it can be hurtful to be cheated on/hurt somebody, but seriously, people STILL act like sex is so sacramental even when marriage isn't the sacred preserve of sex. Women in particular seem to have no to zero tolerance fo cheating; I just don't see why it's such a HUGE deal, if the r/ship is temporary as well. By this I don't mean for them to not care at all, sure they should be upset if both parties have agreed the r/ship is exclusive, but I mean, if it was only an error of judgement is it really like unforgivable? Sure you can find someone who might not cheat, but it's not the only criteria. I still don't get the mindset between stoning for adultery etc. While we don't stone anymore, that mindset is still there.
Even if the relationship is"temperary", it's common curtesy, and respectful to be faithful while you're in that relationship.Cheating is not just an "error in judgement", but a concious choice to be unfaithful, which will usually result in the end of that relationship....whereas if you want a long extended relationship with someone you wouldn't do it, as not cheating is maybe not the only criteria, but definately one of the most important ones.....If you prefer the "absence of moral law", then by all means...be a swinger.
You say that you find it weird that people make such a huge fuss over cheating, when they have an average of "many partners during their lifetimes".......I find it weird that you don't understand why people have so many partners, when it's almost always because they're still searching for that one FAITHFUL partner in life.
Obviously, the individuals involved in them make that call.
It seems like a no-brainer that if you DON'T want exclusivity in your romantic relationships, you be up front about that with the people you're involved with, and if you're smart, only enter into relationships with people who are like-minded on that front.
If you are having a hard time finding people to enter into such relationships, them's the breaks. Should tell you something about what most people are looking for, eh?
Bottom line...if you exhibit infidelity when in a relationship with somebody who values and expects fidelity, you're breaking trust. That's not "society's" fault. It's yours.
Which means they can change their mind. There was never any vow made, no concept of a sacrament or legal pact that marriage can signify.
And some people are just too trusting. They think that by having sex with someone on the first date that by the second date there is automatically some kind of trusting relationship. They never sat down with their sex partner and discussed having a committed monogamous relationship, they only assumed it because that's what they wanted.
Even if the relationship is"temperary", it's common curtesy, and respectful to be faithful while you're in that relationship.Cheating is not just an "error in judgement", but a concious choice to be unfaithful, which will usually result in the end of that relationship....whereas if you want a long extended relationship with someone you wouldn't do it, as not cheating is maybe not the only criteria, but definately one of the most important ones.....If you prefer the "absence of moral law", then by all means...be a swinger.
But why? If it's only a sexual relationship, until a permanent committment is made by the couple, then why is there some expectation on the part of one that it must be faithful?
How can the other compare and select the right permanent mate if they have to act like they're married from date 1 on?
The old days -- really old days were easier. People could date around because they didn't have to have sex on the first date, they could narrow down the choices, find the most compatible partner, and the next step was going steady where they could still break it off, but there wasn't any committment made until they made it with engagement and then marriage.
Today they hook up quickly for sex and then try to work out the details after. Of course there will be a lot of hurt and expectations that don't get met.
. . . yet it's not so much of a problem if they've had many partners in the past? . . .
The past is the past: it is not pertinent to the current relationship. Sure, you could noodle anyone before you entered into an exclusive relationship. But that has no bearing on the new relationship. That is like saying, I could drive 60-70mph on the highway and I didn't have any accidents or tickets, so why can't I drive that fast in the city? I mean what is the problem?
Quote:
Originally Posted by Trimac20
. . . but I mean, if it was only an error of judgement is it really like unforgivable? . . .
An error of judgement? You mean like when you accidentally parked your car in your boss's parking space? Or was it an error in judgement when you took your new partner home and lost track of time?
Seriously, if you make a commitment--honor the commitment; otherwise, you have no honor. Be honest and upfront: don't promise to be exclusive if you are going to cheat.
Last edited by Justin Time; 05-26-2011 at 09:19 AM..
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An error in judgement?
That is like saying, I could drive 60-70mph on the highway and I didn't have any accidents or tickets, so why can't I drive that fast in the city? I mean what is the problem? 
You mean like when you accidentally parked your car in your boss's parking space? 
Or was it an error in judgement when you took your new partner home and lost track of time?
