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Old 09-11-2012, 10:55 PM
 
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never been one to go backwards on things. all of my splits have been completely mutual so ive never really had reason to go back to anyone.
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Old 09-11-2012, 10:57 PM
 
Location: Up above the world so high!
45,236 posts, read 96,915,761 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by SD4020 View Post
I did say, yes it is true. People do not change. Their personality, their mannerisms, what is at the core of their being does not change.

Why waste time of second chances? They will likely do the same thing, again. Honestly... People may change, but often they don't. Anyone who says otherwise is foolish.

The old saying of "fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice shame on me." Along the lines of deja moo.
Because SOMETIMES it's not a "waste" of time.

In life, timing is everything.

A relationship can fail initially due to bad timing.

A second chance, given at the right "time" can sometimes really work.

And actually, I've never been disappointed by someone I've given a second chance to
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Old 09-11-2012, 11:06 PM
 
27,957 posts, read 37,745,764 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by lovesMountains View Post
Because SOMETIMES it's not a "waste" of time.

In life, timing is everything.

A relationship can fail initially due to bad timing.

A second chance, given at the right "time" can sometimes really work.

And actually, I've never been disappointed by someone I've given a second chance to
Bull, and you of all people should know better. I have been disappointed by many. No, I am not a pessimist, I am a realist. I am at the point where I won't put of with stupidity of others. I did that for way too long. So, I hate to see people make the same mistake I did. Which it why I hold to my stance.

Perhaps oblivious people annoy me. Then they are stupid enough to preach something they know full well isn't true. There are about a dozen threads around here where people are wanting to get back together with an ex. If they would have resolved their problems in the first place they wouldn't have split. They discover the grass isn't greener or whatever. If they break up, move on. If they were not willing to work it the first time around, they will not work on it the next time around. Thus, they are still on the cycle that clearly didn't work.
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Old 09-11-2012, 11:07 PM
 
27,957 posts, read 37,745,764 times
Reputation: 26197
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Originally Posted by rego00123 View Post
never been one to go backwards on things. all of my splits have been completely mutual so ive never really had reason to go back to anyone.
Wise, very wise.
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Old 09-12-2012, 12:21 PM
 
Location: Up above the world so high!
45,236 posts, read 96,915,761 times
Reputation: 40156
Quote:
Originally Posted by SD4020 View Post
Bull, and you of all people should know better. I have been disappointed by many. No, I am not a pessimist, I am a realist. I am at the point where I won't put of with stupidity of others. I did that for way too long. So, I hate to see people make the same mistake I did. Which it why I hold to my stance.

Perhaps oblivious people annoy me. Then they are stupid enough to preach something they know full well isn't true. There are about a dozen threads around here where people are wanting to get back together with an ex. If they would have resolved their problems in the first place they wouldn't have split. They discover the grass isn't greener or whatever. If they break up, move on. If they were not willing to work it the first time around, they will not work on it the next time around. Thus, they are still on the cycle that clearly didn't work.
How can it be "bull" if this was my real life experience??

You are obviously really upset to call me out like this, so I'm going to let it go and just say I'm sorry you've been so hurt and disappointed by someone.

That was YOUR experience, but it is not always 100% of the time going to be what happens when you give someone a second chance.
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Old 08-07-2016, 09:21 AM
 
1,045 posts, read 586,150 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by lovesMountains View Post
It happens and is not just "Hollywood".

Read about the work Dr. Nancy Kalish has done on this subject: http://www.psychologytoday.com/experts/nancy-kalish-phd

Lost & Found Lovers |
I'm actually reading her book now. I find her fascinating!
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Old 08-07-2016, 01:48 PM
 
Location: Copenhagen, Denmark
10,935 posts, read 10,990,591 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by recuerdeme View Post
Any success stories: your own or that you know about?

Broke up with that love of your life and then forces brought you back together after a long time...

Or is that just Hollywood
What forces are you talking about? Your regret? Reconsider. The past is history, not prologue.
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Old 08-07-2016, 01:56 PM
 
1,045 posts, read 586,150 times
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I think the OP means forces as in spiritual/fate
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Old 08-08-2016, 09:39 AM
 
Location: Raleigh, North Carolina
2,108 posts, read 1,535,651 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by recuerdeme View Post
Any success stories: your own or that you know about?

Broke up with that love of your life and then forces brought you back together after a long time...

Or is that just Hollywood
Mostly Hollywood.

In the world of romance novels, and Nicholas Sparks movies, we are being programmed to believe the improbable is probably and maybe even likely.

In reality, it isn't. I would be willing to bet the percentage of SUCCESSFUL relationships of this manner is fairly low.

Time has a way of weeding out some of the less than favorable memories of past loved ones and highlighting the good times. There's a reason relationships fail, particularly when we are young and inexperienced. The attraction for a past relationship is based on the person you knew THEN, not necessarily who they are NOW.

Contrary to what many may believe, people do change in subtle and, sometimes, not so subtle ways. Although their core values are likely similar, individual experiences are going to have an impact over the years.

It's nice to fantasize about, but it isn't grounded in reality. I'd be willing to be, though, that more than a few marriages have been exposed because of unrealistic views of past relationships.
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Old 08-08-2016, 11:52 AM
 
Location: SW MO
23,594 posts, read 35,608,953 times
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Several weeks after I joined the military in 19066 my college sweetheart sent me the proverbial "Dear John" letter. I saw her when I was home on leave before heading to my next duty station and that was the last time I saw or heard from her. For the next 40+ years I considered her "unfinished business" and occasionally wondered what became of her.

One failed marriage and a second marriage later I ran across her quite by accident on the internet researching something for one of my daughters. I e-mailed her and she responded. She was in the midst of her own divorce at the time and seemed glad to hear from me. We corresponded a bit and talked by phone once. As we got to "know" one anther again it became apparent to me that she was hungry for male attention and wanted a male shoulder to lean on. She seemed to think I was it. Even more important, our lifestyles, likes and dislikes and entire lives had diverged so far apart that had we stayed together and married it would have been a disaster.

As Thomas Wolfe wrote in his book, You Can't Go Home Again, "You can't go back home to your family, back home to your childhood ... back home to a young man's dreams of glory and of fame ... back home to places in the country, back home to the old forms and systems of things which once seemed everlasting but which are changing all the time – back home to the escapes of Time and Memory."

Keep in mind, there are reasons a relationship failed.

Last edited by Curmudgeon; 08-08-2016 at 12:38 PM..
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