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Well thanks Rocky, i'm not even sure he would be worth it though. I was thinking more along the lines of buying some Terro and replacing TJ's body soap with it. "Glo" huh? LMAO...ok
I did volunteer work in my kids' school for over 10 years with a variety of students. Then I began to work for our Intermediate Unit when I was 40yo. The first few years was in self-contained classrooms with Seriously Emotionally Disturbed children. Then I went to another self-contained classroom with Severely Involved, Medically Fragile kids.
I got a call from a local district asking me to come to work for them in an Inclusion Program. There I spent all day in regular ed. classes. The kids I worked with were a total variety of disorders from 1 thru 12 grades. Learning Disabled, Mentally Challenged, Emotionally Challenged, and, yes, autistic. I spent a year 1:1 with an autistic little boy. I loved that kid. Well, I loved all "my" kids.
When you talk about Asperger's, I know what you are talking about. Autistic Spectrum Disorder is so broad that I would be dishonest if I said I know all about it though.
My heart is with those kids. They did a featured show on The View several months ago. Temple Grandin was on it...oh, and Toni Braxton. I watched. I cried. I miss the kids so very much.
That's a long answer to your simple question, Robyn. I apologize for the drift. Perhpas it's good for us to know a bit more about each other though.
You never know what Jim has up his sleeve.
If he has a new combative lawyer or a new strategy, it's probably his mother's idea.
If you're asked about when your marital problems began, or if Jim decides to bring up a lot of your previous medical issues as reasons to make you look bad during the mediation or whenever, I think that it might be a good idea to have a little bit of a counter strategy planned out in advance.
I asked you about Jim's weight gain over the course of your marriage, and I think it might be a viable idea to link his excessive weight gain as a reflection of his personal insecurities which contributed to his abusive bullying and control issues in your relationship. Was it true that his weight gained coincided with the increase of his bullying, which placed more stress on you, which in turn caused you to have more medical problems?
I think that you also mentioned that he was an alcohol abuser at one time, didn't you? Another compulsive behavior to make himself feel good while causing others to feel rotten.
You have described how he has always been overly attached to his mother, how he not only put her first before his marriage and family, but that he also placed his friends first too. Wasn't he so insecure that he needed to bully and control his family, to make himself feel better, while he turned around and sought approval from his mom and best friends, also to make him feel better? This is some kind of sick, compulsive behavior that he has. Meanwhile he was gaining a lot of weight, and making you physically sick in the process.
I'm sorry to mention any of this unnecessarily cinderobyn, but if Jim's says anything about your previous medical conditions, I hope that you'll be prepared in advance well enough to calmly and surely defend yourself with the truth.
How you tried to love this man with all of your heart, and live happily as a husband and wife, and that he forced you away with all of his insecurities that went haywire. He has compulsion problems, with his bullying behavior, hiding his money, tending to his mother and friends, gaining weight and emotionally and physically hurting the kids and yourself, and making you suffer with stress and stress related phyical illnesses.
He has a lot of compulsive behaviors, and yet he wouldn't seek treatment or change his habits, and he just kept it up for years.
So have some ammunition ready in case he tries to blame you the victim or your health. You should be prepared to turn the tables on him. While he may not try to attack you in that way, anything is possible. Especially with a new lawyer or strategy, or an old MIL urging him.
You never know what Jim has up his sleeve.
If he has a new combative lawyer or a new strategy, it's probably his mother's idea.
If you're asked about when your marital problems began, or if Jim decides to bring up a lot of your previous medical issues as reasons to make you look bad during the mediation or whenever, I think that it might be a good idea to have a little bit of a counter strategy planned out in advance.
I asked you about Jim's weight gain over the course of your marriage, and I think it might be a viable idea to link his excessive weight gain as a reflection of his personal insecurities which contributed to his abusive bullying and control issues in your relationship. Was it true that his weight gained coincided with the increase of his bullying, which placed more stress on you, which in turn caused you to have more medical problems?
I think that you also mentioned that he was an alcohol abuser at one time, didn't you? Another compulsive behavior to make himself feel good while causing others to feel rotten.
You have described how he has always been overly attached to his mother, how he not only put her first before his marriage and family, but that he also placed his friends first too. Wasn't he so insecure that he needed to bully and control his family, to make himself feel better, while he turned around and sought approval from his mom and best friends, also to make him feel better? This is some kind of sick, compulsive behavior that he has. Meanwhile he was gaining a lot of weight, and making you physically sick in the process.
I'm sorry to mention any of this unnecessarily cinderobyn, but if Jim's says anything about your previous medical conditions, I hope that you'll be prepared in advance well enough to calmly and surely defend yourself with the truth.
How you tried to love this man with all of your heart, and live happily as a husband and wife, and that he forced you away with all of his insecurities that went haywire. He has compulsion problems, with his bullying behavior, hiding his money, tending to his mother and friends, gaining weight and emotionally and physically hurting the kids and yourself, and making you suffer with stress and stress related phyical illnesses.
He has a lot of compulsive behaviors, and yet he wouldn't seek treatment or change his habits, and he just kept it up for years.
So have some ammunition ready in case he tries to blame you the victim or your health. You should be prepared to turn the tables on him. While he may not try to attack you in that way, anything is possible. Especially with a new lawyer or strategy, or an old MIL urging him.
He WILL try to attack me in that very way, my migraines. I know that he will. I had them in excess for ten years. My neurologist could not believe it and ref me to another neuro who only dealt in Migraines and he did an extensive consultation with me, that lasted more than an hour, I had to keep a migraine journal, go on all kinds of meds, none of which worked, and he was stumped.
We got to the point where he was going to use BOTOX injections in the migraine sites which would numb the vessels for up to three months, then come back for more injections. I was scared to put a toxin, Botulism into my system, so clost to my brain, etc, but finally they were so bad. I went in one evening, ready to do it, and he said lets try this one more med.
I was like ok, and we did, and in the course of time that he tried the new med on me and it did not work, my job switched from Anthem to Optima, and Optima doesn't cover Botox AT ALL.
So I went on with the migraines.......Until, that is, my cklick, my revelation. They started going away, until they were gone, and they are still gone to this very day. Documented in my Neurologists chart, and I have the note from that visit.
I also have the note from my Rheumatologists visit that is the very best office note I have ever had, also stating how my rheumatological health had improved within a certain time period, and I had told her what had happened, and for the most part, it is mentioned in the office note.
I have at one time, put it in the Where is the love thread. One of my meds was removed, the other reduced, and I have done better overall.
I have lost weight, in a good way. I also have the report from that night.
Lets see, he must have been about 170 or so when we married, and he is over 350 now.
Alexander says he is wearing the Nicoderm patches, and he was encouraging him one night one the phone .....great job, one more step to a healthier life, etc.
I am sure this was an idea of his mothers. Would look bad on him as a smoker, lets do everything to make you look good/her bad.
~~~~~~
man, I had this whole other post...where is it? Now it is there... wth?
Last edited by Pikantari; 09-18-2007 at 04:43 AM..
It is morning again, and I did not leave the kitchen windows open, it does not freeze in my house.
Again, I did not want to get up, I will not use the word 'plagued' but I was 'given' ydt another good dream.
Two nights in a row for me. Can't beat that with a stick. The kids shut their doors at night, I dont, so the cats think they can just sleep with me or something...geez o mighty.
Kids lunches are made, dishes from last night are...not clean. I have a prospect on a dresser. Maybe 2.
The kids dont have dressers yet, nor do any of us have frames for our beds. They need dressers. I know one of them can use my tall dresser, the one jim has used all of these years, right now they share it, with lots of clothes left over.
So, if i can get just one dresser, one can have it, while the other has my tall one.
Today, kalogirl and I have our half days. I still have not been able to get Lindsay set up w an appt. I have tried and tried for this thurs, because I will be out of the office for mediation.
We were looking at the paper that came with the summons. It included things like if a parent caused PHYSICAL harm to the child, nowhere does it mention emotional harm. Do these people realize, even a tad, how bad emotional violence is to a person? How far it can bring you down? I have said this before, and I know it sounds crazy, but I would rather a punch in the face any day.
It sounded crazy as I typed it, and I said it to him several times too. I told him, I would have rathered you hit me than do what you did to me. How could you say that Pretty? I could never hurt you? I wonder what he thought he was doing to me all of those years? What he is doing to me now?
There is a thread in off topic ...something to the toon of what is the biggest lie you have been told/have told.
Some one put up there... "to love and to cherish", I quoted sounds familiar, I think about it... All of these stupid years, I loved him and cherished him, and he did this to me. He thinks, in his mind, the oposite, that I did not love and cherish him, that I dropped him down to the floor like a piece of crap.
To have and to hold.....thats all he wanted. To have, rather. Who cares about holding me.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Flip it.
Alexander just came and sat on my lap. You guys just do not know how huge this child is...LOL....but it felt so good. I wrapped my arms around him and hugged him tight, I love you mommy. I love you too, Doodle Bug.
I think he sat there for five minutes. I rubbed his back. I asked him about school and what classes he had today. I asked him a question in Espanol....bad move. He's got it down....LOL I said UH OH Mommy has to brush up on her Spanish, because he was starting a conversation, and I couldn't carry it on....heehee.
Now why did those Spanish 1 and 2 teachers pass me? Err... thats what he said to me... I started making up words....he says errr...LOL
Love that kid.
UH OH. Lindsay just came down with a sweater like poncho thing on....not time for that yet honey. Slammed down her bag...got mad.....stomping up the stairs.....hmm..
Now she is crying. *sigh*
Usually it happens this way, one will be having a good day, the other not so good. Both w raging hormones....Umm...Carol...handbook please.
SLAM! The House of Chimes has perfect doors to be slammed. Thats all I have to say bout that. stomp stomp stomp.
Shoes thrown to the floor. I am not wearing any jacket or anything since I cant wear that poncho thing...... stomp stomp stomp.
She will come in from the bus stop...Mommy it is freezin out here. stomp stomp stomp.
Right now, Alexander and I are ignoring her behaviors and letting her get some of it out.
She came and gave a hug, and complained that Mollie Moo is following her everywhere and bothering her. I told her she slept w me all night, she just loves her...YEA RIGHT!
Life is good. I love it here, at the House of Chimes. I have my Tink cup of coffee, my mis matched pjs and my slippers on, and Alexander is in a good mood, asking ev 5 mins what time it is. he normally runs behind.
Lindsay will be ok in a few minutes. (I hope)
Her butt would have been spanked by now and she would have been yelled at to all degrees and she would bang her head on the wall, holding her head in her hands on ea side, saying I guess I'm just stupid, I guess I'm just stupid, over and over. But she is not.
I consider that to be a good thing. She now is calming down. She is a sweet child, and I love her so. These kids, they are my everything....
~~~~
About ten minutes later, all was calm in the house, I went to the LR and asked for a group hug where Mommy is the cheese, they love that, I think they like to squeeze me til i turn into a GRILLED cheese. We did a little mommy and the kids love eachother dance and all is well...Lindsay is fine now, going to school on a positive note, just gave me a hug and a kiss and an I love you, and she is wearing her jacket...
Last edited by Pikantari; 09-18-2007 at 04:45 AM..
Reason: addition
Well, just did a little research myself that you might find interesting. Just googled....does stress induce migraines.....this was a little of what I got back.....
Signs of Stress
[SIZE=2]General irritability, hyperactivity or depression
Pounding of the heart
Dryness in the mouth and throat
Emotional instability; strong urges to run or fight
Inability to concentrate, Confusion
Accident proneness
Feelings of weakness or dizziness
Fatigue
Floating anxiety or panic feelings for no known reason
Emotional tension, alertness or feelings of being keyed up
Trembling, nervous tics
High pitched, nervous laughter
Sleeping problems
Nightmares
Grinding teeth
Frequent need to urinate
Stomach and bowel problems, indigestion, pain, nausea, constipation or diarrhea
Loss of or excessive appetite
Migraine or tension headaches
Neck or lower back pain
Increased smoking
Alcohol or drug problems, including tobacco (nicotine), tranquilizers, sleeping pills and caffeine
[SIZE=2]Chronic or persistent stress can occur when the stressors of life are unrelenting, as they are during a major reorganization or downsizing at work, undergoing a messy divorce, or coping with a chronic or life-threatening illness.[/SIZE]
[SIZE=2]Chronic stress also occurs when little stressors accumulate and you are unable to recuperate from any one of them. As long as the mind perceives a threat, the body remains aroused. If the stress response remains turned on, you can be increasing your chances of a stress-related disease.[/SIZE] Stress and disease
[SIZE=2]Researchers have been looking at the relationship between stress and disease for the last fifty years. They have observed that people suffering from stress-related disorders tend to show hyperactivity in a particular "preferred system," such as skeletal-muscular, cardiovascular, or gastrointestinal system. For example, the evidence shows that chronic stress can result in muscle tension and fatigue for some people. For others, it can contribute to stress hypertension, soreness, migraine headaches, upset stomach, ulcers, or chronic diarrhea, colds, and insomnia.[/SIZE] Almost every system in your body can be damaged by stress.
[SIZE=2]Suppression of the reproduction system can cause amenorrhoea (cessation of menstruation) and failure to ovulate in women, impotency in men, and loss of libido in both.[/SIZE]
[SIZE=2]Stress-triggered changes in the lungs increase the symptoms of asthma, bronchitis, and other respiratory conditions.[/SIZE]
[SIZE=2]Loss of insulin during the stress response may be a factor in the onset of adult diabetes.[/SIZE]
[SIZE=2]Stress suspends tissue repair and remodeling, which in turn causes decalcification of the bones, osteoporosis, and susceptibility to fractures.[/SIZE]
[SIZE=2]Inhibition of immune and inflammatory systems makes you more susceptible to colds and flu and can exacerbate some diseases such as cancer and AIDS.[/SIZE]
[SIZE=2]In addition, a prolonged stress response can worsen conditions such as arthritis, chronic pain, and diabetes.[/SIZE]
[SIZE=2]There is also some evidence that the continued release and depletion of epinephrine during a state of chronic stress can contribute to depression.[/SIZE]
Well, just did a little research myself that you might find interesting. Just googled....does stress induce migraines.....this was a little of what I got back.....
Signs of Stress
[SIZE=2]General irritability, hyperactivity or depression
Pounding of the heart
Dryness in the mouth and throat
Emotional instability; strong urges to run or fight
Inability to concentrate, Confusion
Accident proneness
Feelings of weakness or dizziness
Fatigue
Floating anxiety or panic feelings for no known reason
Emotional tension, alertness or feelings of being keyed up
Trembling, nervous tics
High pitched, nervous laughter
Sleeping problems
Nightmares
Grinding teeth
Frequent need to urinate
Stomach and bowel problems, indigestion, pain, nausea, constipation or diarrhea
Loss of or excessive appetite
Migraine or tension headaches
Neck or lower back pain
Increased smoking
Alcohol or drug problems, including tobacco (nicotine), tranquilizers, sleeping pills and caffeine
[SIZE=2]Chronic or persistent stress can occur when the stressors of life are unrelenting, as they are during a major reorganization or downsizing at work, undergoing a messy divorce, or coping with a chronic or life-threatening illness.[/SIZE]
[SIZE=2]Chronic stress also occurs when little stressors accumulate and you are unable to recuperate from any one of them. As long as the mind perceives a threat, the body remains aroused. If the stress response remains turned on, you can be increasing your chances of a stress-related disease.[/SIZE] Stress and disease
[SIZE=2]Researchers have been looking at the relationship between stress and disease for the last fifty years. They have observed that people suffering from stress-related disorders tend to show hyperactivity in a particular "preferred system," such as skeletal-muscular, cardiovascular, or gastrointestinal system. For example, the evidence shows that chronic stress can result in muscle tension and fatigue for some people. For others, it can contribute to stress hypertension, soreness, migraine headaches, upset stomach, ulcers, or chronic diarrhea, colds, and insomnia.[/SIZE] Almost every system in your body can be damaged by stress.
[SIZE=2]Suppression of the reproduction system can cause amenorrhoea (cessation of menstruation) and failure to ovulate in women, impotency in men, and loss of libido in both.[/SIZE]
[SIZE=2]Stress-triggered changes in the lungs increase the symptoms of asthma, bronchitis, and other respiratory conditions.[/SIZE]
[SIZE=2]Loss of insulin during the stress response may be a factor in the onset of adult diabetes.[/SIZE]
[SIZE=2]Stress suspends tissue repair and remodeling, which in turn causes decalcification of the bones, osteoporosis, and susceptibility to fractures.[/SIZE]
[SIZE=2]Inhibition of immune and inflammatory systems makes you more susceptible to colds and flu and can exacerbate some diseases such as cancer and AIDS.[/SIZE]
[SIZE=2]In addition, a prolonged stress response can worsen conditions such as arthritis, chronic pain, and diabetes.[/SIZE]
[SIZE=2]There is also some evidence that the continued release and depletion of epinephrine during a state of chronic stress can contribute to depression.[/SIZE]
Any of those symptoms sound familiar?
Why yes Ma'am, it does! I will have to get my ink and print out from where you got this from.... A lot of it does...... OH SNAP! As lindsay would say...
Put that on our list today Ms C...ink.... Ms T at works dh is gonna help me w a dresser this afternoon after work at about 1, from the wharehouse. May have it delivered later in the day.
Wondering how your M is this morning with lindsay how she was, but now she is fine......
Hi Robyn and everyone else. It was good read your words this morning Robyn. I know you've mentioned that TJ would try and bring up your health issues at the mediation, and that made me scratch my head. If I were a mediator and a couple came to me for mediation and either one brought up health issues of the other, I would take a pretty dim view of the person who brought that up. Just my take, of course, but I don't think it will do anything but show what a selfish person he is.
You're doing great Robyn! Have a fantastic day everyone!
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