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By the way, should Robyn bring up at all that TJ makes more than he claims?
MsV - I think if Robyn brings copies of as many years tax returns she has, they would show his income over the years and it would then be up to the mediator to question what he has done with the money, wouldn't it? (thinking out loud here...Or typing out loud <g>).
What I would do if I was Robyn would be to bring any and all documention of her 401K being "depleted" if you will, for Alexander's orthodontic needs, to show that while they were married and together, TJ wouldn't/didn't contribute to something the child needed, resulting in Robyn "cashing in" her 401K for the child's benefit.
Perhaps someone with more familiarity with the mediation process would have better ideas?????
I also agree with pirate girl on this: Robyn, one trip to church in two years- and on the Sunday before mediation will not redeem him to GOD, the mediator, or even the judge. It's just more evidence of his propensity to manipulate. and that it should be documented.
Of course, I can't give anyone on this topic points!!!!! This frustrates me!!!! arrrrrggghhhhhhhhhhhhhhh <g>
So, we know I didn't make it to Sunday school. Guess which class TJ picked? LOL! MINE!
I sat behind them in worship service, the kids hugged and kissed me, Lindsay maneuvered her way around him to get closer to me.
He just stood there the whole time all solemn. Hardly sang the songs, put out that he really did not want to be there at all.
My friend who gave me the fridge turned around and i waved at him, he gave me a wink... His wife is at a horse show today.
At the end of the service a little old lady tapped my shoulder and said please give this to your daughter, I always see her with her pretty long hair, I never had any girls, just three boys.... I wasn't sitting with the kids,, but behind them, and I don't know the lady, but I imagine she sees us every week.
It was a pretty barrette, I reached up and gave it to her and told her to thank the nice lady...
Sermon was really good. The visiting preacher mentioned that one time a lady from his church wanted to rededicate her life to Christ but her dh wouldn't let her.
I sat there and shook my head thinking...OMG.
Jim did that to me. So many times I had wanted to go foward and rededicate myself. He would literally hold me back from doing it. I have done it now, I ran up there...
I could not believe that we had this visiting preacher with the Pdigal son message, and this little tidbit, and then w Jim being there to hear it too, he probably doesn't even remember doing that to me...
I parked next to the Charger, and after church, A..asked me how I was, we walked to his car, and he said he spoke to Jim, and he played the part of the victim. I knew he would.
I put it all out there. Our marriage, what he and his mother did to us, everything. He just shook his head. He said he told TJ that they gave me a fridge, I bet that made Jim mad, and that they were not on anyones side, just helped me out.
~~~
Second part.
I have not seen the summons or anything all this time, I called the courthouse, everything. It was on top of the computer desk. have no idea when it got there, how it got there, nothing.
It was folded in three parts, with a tack in it, so someone took it out of my door. I have asked the kids, they dont remember seeing it at all, I dont know.
The signature of the judge...
OMG>>>>
Is one of my patients. She is a patient who comes at the very end of the day and is very demanding. The dr caters to her. I spend ALOT of time with her, every time. Drives me crazy, but I am very nice to her, etc, just like any other patient...
She knows I am not a bad person. She has seen me in real life. Will she remember me? I have no idea. I think she has been to the practice 3 or 4 x.
There is a form that speaks about what the parent has/has not done for the child...best interest of the child..etc....
All of the things that will be taken into consideration.
I know he will bring up my migraines. I know he will. All the times I had to come home and crash. But it was what I had to do to be able to have gotten through the day. Either that, or dont work. And I provided for my family.
On 080807 he said to me that Karma is a b*tch, I will reap what I sow.
Another thing....church member i was talking to said so and so has been trying to get in touch with you but cant... I said oh that... Jim shut off my cell phone.
He looked at me and said, so he has one and you dont? I said yep, I dont have the money right now, but have a trac phone that I neede to put minutes on, and gave my home # for he and his wife to have and to give to the person that was trying to get in touch w me. He is going to have some furniture to give me in a few weeks...
Last edited by Pikantari; 09-16-2007 at 12:32 PM..
Reason: addition
Those people at your church are so nice Robyn. I think they know what TJ has done to you all of these years, deep in their hearts.
I wouldn't worry about the judge. She may be crabby and demanding, but she's probably all business and has seen through people like TJ a million times.
So you had something that got into your house without you knowing how it got there? How strange. It was tacked to your front door and somehow it made its way into the house? It had to be one of the kids. TJ doesn't have a key does he? It's also not okay for the landlord to be coming into your house unannounced. As nice as he is, if that's the case he needs to respect your privacy.
You don't worry about the custody stuff. It will all work out in your favor. You are a great mother and a great person. They will see all of this stuff as if it was an open book. Don't worry yourself. I know, it's easier said than done.. I'm a worrywart myself.
Those people at your church are so nice Robyn. I think they know what TJ has done to you all of these years, deep in their hearts.
I wouldn't worry about the judge. She may be crabby and demanding, but she's probably all business and has seen through people like TJ a million times.
So you had something that got into your house without you knowing how it got there? How strange. It was tacked to your front door and somehow it made its way into the house? It had to be one of the kids. TJ doesn't have a key does he? It's also not okay for the landlord to be coming into your house unannounced. As nice as he is, if that's the case he needs to respect your privacy.
You don't worry about the custody stuff. It will all work out in your favor. You are a great mother and a great person. They will see all of this stuff as if it was an open book. Don't worry yourself. I know, it's easier said than done.. I'm a worrywart myself.
How did you know I am a worry wart?
Probably one of the kids, I have no idea. I dont think the landlord was here...I have no idea. I did ask the court to have the Sherrif bring me another copy, will ask the kids again if they got something off the door, they didn't the first time around, and I never saw the petition.
I need to go to the laundromat...good grief Charlie Brown
I see where is the love is up and running again...heehee...boogies.
Any chance that TJ has made a duplicate of your son's key? That is creepy.
Maybe ask your landlord if he came by. He shouldn't enter without your knowledge. Let him know what happened. If it was him, ask him to leave a note if he comes in to repair anything in the future. If it wasn't him, since he has the store down the street, maybe he and his mom can keep an eye out. And maybe see if he will change the locks.
I haven't posted much, but have been keeping you and your family in my prayers.
robyn
please sit down with the kids and explain to them that if the court wants to talk to them as hard and as scary as it may be they need to be very truthful. Just to simply answer the question and that answering the questions will not get mommy or daddy in trouble.
the reason I say this is my sister went to court because her nephew had been abused by the baby sitter. when the person from the court asked when he lived he said my sisters because he always felt so safe there(his mom is wacky the kids now live with dad)
because he "lied" in their eyes as to where he lived they could not use his testimony
against the babysitter.
you might even want to make sure that the kids don't have to answer question with IJ in the room from what we can tell he would go out of his way to give them looks that can "scare" them in to hiding things
Any chance that TJ has made a duplicate of your son's key? That is creepy.
Maybe ask your landlord if he came by. He shouldn't enter without your knowledge. Let him know what happened. If it was him, ask him to leave a note if he comes in to repair anything in the future. If it wasn't him, since he has the store down the street, maybe he and his mom can keep an eye out. And maybe see if he will change the locks.
I haven't posted much, but have been keeping you and your family in my prayers.
Nope, my sons key does not leave the premesis except to go to school w him, on the weekends it stays in the house with me.
robyn
please sit down with the kids and explain to them that if the court wants to talk to them as hard and as scary as it may be they need to be very truthful. Just to simply answer the question and that answering the questions will not get mommy or daddy in trouble.
the reason I say this is my sister went to court because her nephew had been abused by the baby sitter. when the person from the court asked when he lived he said my sisters because he always felt so safe there(his mom is wacky the kids now live with dad)
because he "lied" in their eyes as to where he lived they could not use his testimony
against the babysitter.
you might even want to make sure that the kids don't have to answer question with IJ in the room from what we can tell he would go out of his way to give them looks that can "scare" them in to hiding things
You are exactly right Karla.... and the kids have been coming out w their feelings about him since we are gone from there...
Its just like back to the crock pot incident, Alexander knew everything he was told about the thing except for the fact that he was told his teeth would be knocked out if he broke it. he could not come out and say that.\
But a few days ago, he came out and said they dont behave badly in his presense because they are afraid of him. Then just as soon as he said it, I could tell he wished he hadn't.
He doesn't want to get him in trouble, I just went on w our conversation and said I understand he makes you feel that way, and hopefully it wont always be that way.
I picked them up, at our meeting spot, and he was in his mothers vehicle.
On the way home, Alexander kept referencing this house, not as his house, but as the "______" house. Insert town name.
He has not done that before. I said why are you doing that? Because I live at the other house and I live at this house.
I said our house is YOUR house, we live there, it is your house. But I live at Daddys house too, I dont want to be confused.
That burns me up. The kids have been exposed to his mother all weekend. To him, of course.
I asked about our phone call last night and why they weren't talking to me, because Daddy was talking to us.
UUUGGGHHH
Now I don't do that to him. Alexander told a story that Jim told him about from when he was 4. His 4th bday party. Events were wrong, everything.
Its like he is trying to put memories in their heads. Things that they can't remember, but if they are told, they will think it happened that way.
He stayed far away, down on the pier for the most part of that bday party.
I wonder what other things he has put into their minds. Makes me ill.
He can't remember verbally and emotionally abusing us for all of these years but he can remember details of a bday party?
He doesn't remember trying to take the kids in a drunken alcoholic rage and removing three tires from my car, having the preachers wife and 2 deacons come over, and he remembers a bday party.....
Robyn - This is the weekend before the mediation session - TJ was trying to pull out all the stops, so to speak, so the kids will think good thoughts. Of course he can't remember the abuse - he doesn't see it that way. To TJ, the abuse he put you and the kids through was "normal" and most likely directly related to his life growing up. Does TJ remember the b'day party? Of course he doesn't, he is projecting what he would have LIKED it to have been like.....almost as if he had watched a movie with a wonderful sweet ending.
Continue to use this anger to sustain you until and thru Thursday. As many others have said, Thursday is the day to bring all your info to the table. Let TJ speak first, just listen to him. When he is finished, bring out all your papers and documents, including your "want list" - on that list should be that YOU have the kids every other weekend.
If at all possible, and again, I don't know how the mediation works, exactly in your area - Hand the things to the mediator and just say......This is what I would like from the separation (with your "want list")...Next....This is what I have paid for during our marriage.....These are our last (fill in the blanks) years of our tax returns to document our separate incomes......This is the abuse that has gone on during our marriage, continuing to this day.....
You decide what order you want to present things (or ask others here for suggestions) - if you have everything in writing, don't say much except "this is" - it's going to drive TJ nuts - he's going to want to see everything of course, but make him ask the mediator, not you.
This will hopefully accomplish at least a couple of things - You will have given the mediator a whole bunch of documentation to go through, things I would be willing to bet TJ would NEVER think of you doing AND, it may even provide the "trigger" for TJ to fly off the handle and let the mediator see his true colors.
You coming in with all your documentation gets rid of any "he said/she said" arguments, you have it all on paper, including the night he and his mommy tried to have you locked up....and it's going to drive TJ up the wall! <g>
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OMGoodness.... a couple of things here...
His wife is at a horse show today.
