Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
Robyn Hi,
Just take the bills to the mediation with you, kinda put him on the spot and let them know that he is not holding up with verbal agreements made before you moved out. Don't forget documentation that you paid the last months rent in his home.
Also, most of the time a final degree will let EACH parent take a child for a deduction, my ex and I did that. It is more friendly and fair to each parent.
Jim and you will leave the mediation table (hopefully, if he cooperates) with a signed temporary order. That is the goal of the mediation, to get all on paper with a neutral person in the middle. Piece of cake, and believe me I have seen/heard many a man lose it because the mediator is trained and usually can see through a person trying to fake it. Please don't fret.
Sandy
I understand your fustration and your anger, you have every right to feel they way you do. As for the electric bill, call them, inform them that you do not live at that address and have not been a resident there since ____. Also inform them that the bill was put into your name without your knowledge or permission. It may not matter but they need to be aware. Again, please document all of this, it's so easy not to but you will forget some important things if you don't do it when it is fresh in your memory. He is playing games with you, showing you he is in control. Maintain your perspective on the whole thing and understand what he is doing and why he is doing it. Do yourself a favor, the cell phone, if he has control of it ditch it and get one on your own or a pay as you go phone. Don't let him get to you !!!! He is doing this to intentionally get to you !!! Take a deep breath, relax and know you are in the right and keep pressing forward.
You have soooo many people in your corner, more than you even know.
Take care of yourself and your kids ... you know your right and keep that in the forefront of your thoughts ....
Honey, This is one of those da#n lightning bolts I was talking about the other day.
Get your name off of anything and everything that may have been a joint account. Do get another phone asap...cancel the one you have. If his name is on that bill, he can track everything you do with it. Even if you have nothing to hide, you are entitled to your privacy.
Do not depend on him for anything!! Don't expect him to do anything that is civil. *You* simply remain civil, but take care of yourself and the kids. Jim gets to take care of himself.
Sorry. I'm grrrrrrrrin' again. I don't like bullies. No need to be mean and stoop to their level, but there's no need to be their play toy either.
Honey, This is one of those da#n lightning bolts I was talking about the other day.
Get your name off of anything and everything that may have been a joint account. Do get another phone asap...cancel the one you have. If his name is on that bill, he can track everything you do with it. Even if you have nothing to hide, you are entitled to your privacy.
Do not depend on him for anything!! Don't expect him to do anything that is civil. *You* simply remain civil, but take care of yourself and the kids. Jim gets to take care of himself.
Sorry. I'm grrrrrrrrin' again. I don't like bullies. No need to be mean and stoop to their level, but there's no need to be their play toy either.
Hey Rockky! I have a pay as you go through Verizon, so i dont need HIS phone that is MY phone. No biggie, and my name is not on it. But when he took his name off of the elec, he was going to be moving out of the house, then changed his mind, and that is when he was basically holding the kids and I hostage there, no you cant go, you can go, you can take the kids, you will have to bring them right back, no judge will let you have them, you take her I'll take him, on and on.
The kids saw me upset after i got off the phone with him. I wasn't crying upset, I was furious upset. mommy whats the matter, is everything ok?
I had to close my eyes and take a deep breath. Just told them I was ok, and it was something daddy said to me on the phone.
I just told the kids that they couldn't call me on the cell phone....why....daddy turned it off..had it turned off...Alexander...that was evil.
Funny, thats how I feel about him.
He spoke to me with such arrogance on the phone. I hate that. Click Click Click
I have to buy some more time for my other phone. Just have to let the kids know to call me only if necessary, they get exp when it is out of network. This sounds cheap, but really, it isn't. the phone is .99 a day. Then from there, if you text, .10, pix .25. Then out of network is when the money starts adding up. Like if someone calls fr a land line or another network cell. Same network is free.
Have had this phone for a while. I got it when he started saying he was gonna cx my phone a few months ago, and did not tell him about it.
I dont care how poor I am...a starbucks is in order tomorrow. Big time.
You might find it more economical to go to a few cell phone stores and check out their specials. Most places give you a free phone also. Sometimes those pay as you go phones end up being more money than a flat plan.
Robyn - I know you want to take the "high road" so to speak, and while that is admirable, I really don't think it's going to work with TJ. You have to get pretty "hard-nosed" now in preparation for the mediation, at least IMO.
1. If you have the receipts/checks for the furniture and things that are still at TJs that he insisted on keeping - take them with you to the mediation.
2. Make sure you do go through all your notes here to bring to document his behavior.
3. Virginia may be different, but I would question the legality of TJ putting the electric in your name - call the company and refute it. You did not authorize it. Make sure you also document that. I would doubt the electric company can make you pay - if there is something with "your signature" saying the electric should have been in your name - You've "got" TJ on a forgery charge. In the meantime, while it is being sorted out, don't pay it - they can just shut off the power to his address until it is paid - his problem, not yours.
4. The cell phone - As in #3 - another way to push your buttons.
5. At the mediation session, as someone else said - Insist that TJ go first, be polite about it. Hear what he has to say. While he's speaking take notes on points you wish to "refute". I have a feeling, anything you question about what he had to say will make him get angry and the mediator will see the real TJ...TJ will NOT like you saying, in front of someone else, that what he has said is wrong.
6. Do NOT sign anything, ESPECIALLY the agreement you and TJ had put together. From now on, NOTHING gets signed without your lawyer checking it out, and as someone else said, hopefully he is going to be aggressive in your interests....Frankly, I agree with whomever said that it might be better for you to go for a divorce on the grounds of mental cruelty.
7. Also as someone else said, document you're improvement in health since making the decision to leave and actually leaving.
8. Last but not least - do NOT even TRY to "play nice" with TJ from now on. Do not talk to him on the phone unless it's about the children. As cassy1 said - look into one of the other phone plans.
It's now time to stop being nice, stop trying to be fair. Bring all your documents/receipts/canceled checks, entries here to the mediator. Sit back, let TJ have his say, then bring your side out, hopefully TJ will show his true colors at that point. From now on, just let the mediator do his/her thing.
I just dont know how he thinks he can just 'threaten' me like that on the phone....oh, you know there is the mediation, that is not changing.
Oh the arrogance. And he is like a child. Why didn't I wake so long ago? I mean, so many times I would sit and add everything up. To see if I could make it w/out him. So many times I would just tell him to leave.
I was not ready all of those times. But now. Now I am, and I was, because I am gone.
Funny. Alexander has no underwear again. I think Jim must have left whatever underwear he bought him over there, to make it look like I cant keep the child with clean underwear. he put on his last pair tonight.
He called back here last night at 830. Talked to Lindsay, Alexander was in the shower.
I am going to pour through all of these posts. I am going to get a copy of my sep agreement that we drew up fr my lawyer...showign that he wanted all of the appliances and the kids beds...
Good fathering there. Tomorrow I will not give him Lindsays bottle of medicine, I can see him taking what little is left and holding onto it. I am giving only what she needs for the weekend and putting it in a baggie. Already did it.
I wrote out a bunch of stuff at work yesterday and the day before at work.
ALEXANDERS TOE IS INFECTED.
No matter how much cleaning, antibiotic onintment...it still got infected. Last night when he got out of the shower, it was oozing.
this makes me livid. He asked me if I was mad at him. Poor child. No... Please just dont ever do that again... I need a hug he says, and another. He needed 4 hugs. My strong man.
His voice changed this week. All the way. 13, almost 6 feet tall, a bit of a mustache, in the 8th grade. My baby.
Everyone is right, I have to start being a hard ass. I just dont want my kids to see me being that way. I am not that person. I have to find a way to portray myself only to him, or to just be in a way that is just distant to him or something, I dont know.
I have got a normal headache. I'll tell you what. I suffered from extreme migraines for almost ten years. Almost every day of the week. he will bring that up. But they are gone. It is close to miraculous. And guess what? I have my neurologist report which says that they are gone. I have my Rheumatologist report which says that I am in better health than ever. I had a physical a few weeks ago. perfect health. He can pull that in all he wants. But since I had my click, of what he has done to us, since my health started getting better, it all got better. And since i moved, really since I made the real decision that I would leave, and let him know, I was so much better, the stress and burden of him were gone.
I guess i will go back to bed..sitting here falling asleep....
Geting ready to take the kids. They dont want to get up, Alexander really doesn't want to get up, just like last week.
I hate this part. I will have plenty to do this weekend. Started going through wheres the love in the middle of the night. Gonna call the power company this morning, dont know if they are open on Saturday.
Hoping he doesn't try to engage in any stupidity, and thinking that next week he will probably not pay any child support since it has not been court ordered yet.
Like i am being so frivelous here... (sp)
Lindsay just asked where the meeting place is...same place, even though there is more mileage on my side of the way. UGH
Hitting the shower, gonna drag Alexander out of the bed first.
Robyn - I know you want to take the "high road" so to speak, and while that is admirable, I really don't think it's going to work with TJ. You have to get pretty "hard-nosed" now in preparation for the mediation, at least IMO.
1. If you have the receipts/checks for the furniture and things that are still at TJs that he insisted on keeping - take them with you to the mediation.
2. Make sure you do go through all your notes here to bring to document his behavior.
3. Virginia may be different, but I would question the legality of TJ putting the electric in your name - call the company and refute it. You did not authorize it. Make sure you also document that. I would doubt the electric company can make you pay - if there is something with "your signature" saying the electric should have been in your name - You've "got" TJ on a forgery charge. In the meantime, while it is being sorted out, don't pay it - they can just shut off the power to his address until it is paid - his problem, not yours.
4. The cell phone - As in #3 - another way to push your buttons.
5. At the mediation session, as someone else said - Insist that TJ go first, be polite about it. Hear what he has to say. While he's speaking take notes on points you wish to "refute". I have a feeling, anything you question about what he had to say will make him get angry and the mediator will see the real TJ...TJ will NOT like you saying, in front of someone else, that what he has said is wrong.
6. Do NOT sign anything, ESPECIALLY the agreement you and TJ had put together. From now on, NOTHING gets signed without your lawyer checking it out, and as someone else said, hopefully he is going to be aggressive in your interests....Frankly, I agree with whomever said that it might be better for you to go for a divorce on the grounds of mental cruelty.
7. Also as someone else said, document you're improvement in health since making the decision to leave and actually leaving.
8. Last but not least - do NOT even TRY to "play nice" with TJ from now on. Do not talk to him on the phone unless it's about the children. As cassy1 said - look into one of the other phone plans.
It's now time to stop being nice, stop trying to be fair. Bring all your documents/receipts/canceled checks, entries here to the mediator. Sit back, let TJ have his say, then bring your side out, hopefully TJ will show his true colors at that point. From now on, just let the mediator do his/her thing.
<You must spread some reputation around .......>
Follow this advice Robyn! Windchimes, you are spot on my friend! Your intelligence and thoughtfulness in writing this down is much appreciated by everyone on this thread, I'm sure. Robyn, I was gritting my teeth as I read your posts on TJ's behavior. Time to play hardball. I wouldn't put ANYTHING past this animal. You will prevail Robyn. TJ will give his behavior away in mediation. For sure, he's going to be coached, but there are many things that he can't hide, such as his anger and arrogance. Hang in there girl, you're doing just fine and everything will be alright.
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
