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Tj has what is called an earning capacity. You can't just quit your job and flip burgers - he has a family to support. Don't worry about that. Unless he has a medical reason they will not let him change his job like that. Well - he can do it - but he'll still have to pay based on his last job. Also - if his ot is consistent and you can prove this by your tax returns - he will also have to provide as much financial info as you request - he'll be held to his average yearly amount. Also - if you are the primary care giver - and obviously you are since he can't even go to the dr with his child - then he'll have to pay more. The court will see that you can't take on any extra work - but he can!
I'm sure your lawyer told you this - but make sure you have info regarding how much of your time is taken up by calling the school for the IEP, dr's and that sort of thing - if TJ only has them on the weekends he has the whole week free and he is not helping - so he should have to pay more. My ex had to pay 80% of the total amount and 80% of the medical/dental......
Also - keep ignoring him about the paperwork - it is not your responsibility to make sure he has what he needs....
This morning he said he was going to haveto change some things in the agreement such as, he will only pay child support, and not any medical, he does pay insurance, but he said he would not be paying any co pays or for any medications for the kids.
We had agreed to cut it down the middle. Now he says he wont do that because he needs to be able to afford to have them on the weekends and to shop for them on Christmas.
He has never bought for that holiday! How much does a weekend cost?
He makes much more than I do, and I pay more rent, more food, more utilities, more everything.. LOL
And he needs to afford the weekends.
My lawyer, in the agreement, gave him the right to claim the kids every year. We waived spousal for BOTH of us, either way.
TJ is insane.
Next thurs is mediation day. I will be pouring through my posts. I have been writing things down, but not all. I will be going back in time.
I will have to call Lindsays dr again, I was gonna try and get her in next thurs, no openings. Was gonna take her after mediation.
Tj has what is called an earning capacity. You can't just quit your job and flip burgers - he has a family to support. Don't worry about that. Unless he has a medical reason they will not let him change his job like that. Well - he can do it - but he'll still have to pay based on his last job. Also - if his ot is consistent and you can prove this by your tax returns - he will also have to provide as much financial info as you request - he'll be held to his average yearly amount. Also - if you are the primary care giver - and obviously you are since he can't even go to the dr with his child - then he'll have to pay more. The court will see that you can't take on any extra work - but he can!
I'm sure your lawyer told you this - but make sure you have info regarding how much of your time is taken up by calling the school for the IEP, dr's and that sort of thing - if TJ only has them on the weekends he has the whole week free and he is not helping - so he should have to pay more. My ex had to pay 80% of the total amount and 80% of the medical/dental......
Also - keep ignoring him about the paperwork - it is not your responsibility to make sure he has what he needs....
Re earning capacity, he thinks I have more than him because I went to school. I went to an 8 mo business school. He was taught to drive a rig, his earning capacity far outweighs mine.
Now. He keeps saying that he does not want me to get more child support should he make more. I tell him thats not how it works, according to the court system, also those little letters, if youask for more money I will seek custody.....
Robyn - TJ is still pulling your strings, big time. Unless things where you live are very different from NY, the court will decide the amount of child support he has to pay - NOT him. Also, he's AGAIN using the children as "pawns", if you will - also those little letters, if youask for more money I will seek custody He still does not get it - CHILDREN ARE NOT USED AS PAWNS in a divorce/custody/support issue! This is, again - something to be documented and dealt with through the lawyers. Right now he's grasping at straws. You have two children - you need support for those two children who are with you 5 out of 7 days of the week.
I think, frankly, if I were you, I'd tell your lawyer to change the agreement to you each claim one child for taxes - especially if TJ is going to be giving you such a hassle about child support - why should he claim both? When my son was young, the court awarded me $460/month for child support (ONE child)and his father was responsible for keeping him on his medical insurance AND paying out of pocket expenses - this is going back, oh, gosh 30 years! I did let his dad claim him as a dependent....But he was paying so much more than TJ is! You are not asking for any spousal support (I didn't either, I just wanted child support).
Robyn, now is the time for you to get tough - document EVERYTHING you have to pay out each month...Rent, electric, groceries, meds, doctor visits, if you have to pay for trash pickup/water - document it - document anything and everything you are putting out money-wise so when you go to the mediator you have a list of it (not just what "portion" would conceivably be spent on the children, the total amounts). Also put down what you make each month. Let the mediator do his/her thing - I think TJ is going to have a very rude awakening....And whatever you do, do NOT tell TJ you are doing this - do it on your own, preferably this weekend while you are alone.....And do NOT tell TJ he should be doing the same thing.
You have tried to be fair, split things down the middle, etc., but TJ is not willing to bend for anything, even taking Lindsay to the doctor - HE is NOT being fair or reasonable. You need to look out for yourself and your children and too heck with whatever the agreement was you and TJ came to in the beginning - he is looking out for himself with NO regard to anyone else.
My ex didn't get either kid for taxes - the judge said that I claimed both on the taxes since i was the one that called in sick if they had to miss school, stayed up all night with them when they were sick, took them to doctors, took them to sports practice - about everything for them. In PA it is usually the person that has custody. It is unfortunate sometimes that the courts are so pro-mom (my husband has to pay his ex out the wazoo and then take care of the kid because she can't - we had to teach her how to size her 9 yr old's feet and convince her that he needed special education at school - story for another day) BUT in this case take advantage of the courts being pro-mom. TJ has no idea what he is talking about - I call this the coors lite advice - my ex used to get it from his friends at the bar!
Let the courts deal with it and do not make any more agreements. It is not worth it in the long run. He will not honor any agreement with you. Let the courts take it right out of his paycheck and then he will not be able to act like a hero for handing you a child support check. Don't let him claim any child for the taxes - once again - you are doing it all!!!!!!
He may be taking them every weekend now - but as they get older that will change and it will be very hard to go back and redo the order if you agree now.
CLICK CLICK CLICK - your earlier idea is the best - you have lawyers for a reason. I refuse to even speak of it with my ex.
Oh - by the way - in PA all medical costs over $250 the non custodial parent is responsible for % of depending on their income vs yours....He'll be paying!
You may have taken a 8 month business school class - but you did so to be able to work and stay home with the children while he was away driving trucks making FAR more than you. Make sure that you have your tax returns for the last few years.....
Mediation is going to be a rude awakening for Mr. TJ----- wait and see.
Let them start with him speaking- if he runs his mouth in front of the mediator the way he does to you with regard to money, he's going to look like a donkey!
Robyn, do you have copies of the last two year's tax returns? If not, go to the irs gov website and see if you can get them online. You want every bit of documentation you can have in hand. If you use H&R block or other tax service you should be able to get copies there- it's imperative that you have them.
As for education, an 8 month business program hardly compares to him putting you through college and grad school- and having been married to a CDL license holder, there is also schooling involved there- I'm sure the education will be a wash.
One thing to address, Robyn is your health. You have a chronic condition and as such may be entitled to his health insurance for an extended period of time if you need it. You're neither debilitated nor disabled but protect yourself.
Be calm and confident- and most importantly, be Robyn. Your goodness and kind soul will shine through.
Robyn it would not surprise me at all to find out the TJ has been socking some money away somewhere all of these years. I find it hard to believe that he makes pretty decent money and you have paid more than your share of bills all of these years and he seems like he is broke all of the time. I'm not trying to be upsetting you or anything but I would put nothing past this guy. The way that he is still trying to manipulate you with the children is upsetting to me. How any father could do that is beyond me, but I do know it happens all of the time. Use your lawyers for what they are for Robyn. You don't have to be mean spirited to get what is yours. You will be raising those children the majority of the time and you deserve to have their father to pitch in his fair share. For him to refuse to pay for medicine is pretty much telling of his character and makeup. He's a jerk, plain and simple. I'd do anything for my daughter and I'd go without gladly - any REAL father would. Get what you deserve Robyn; you don't have to be mean, just get what you deserve. Do it for you and the kids. God Bless.
Robyn - On a lighter note, regarding your "McGyverette" post.....When I was single, I found my "best friend" was duct tape (duck tape??) - that gray/silver stuff - you can "fix" just about anything with that! No screwdriver? Use a knife (not the pointy kind, the rounded ones) - work great. Also found a screwdriver with about 8 different "heads" for $1 - still have it and still use it.
When you're on your own, there will be things you want to have handy in case you need a "quick repair" for something.....I'm ashamed to admit that I also used the heel of a shoe as a hammer at one point.....but hey, it worked!
Don't know what you used to rig your shower head, don't know what was wrong with it, but those old wire coat hangers can also be used to "fix" things in a pinch!
Oh MsWindchimes...I'm laughing out loud, bec poor TJ doesn't know you are in Robyn's corner - I can just hear you now..."why should he claim both kids...document everything...don't bend for anything" ~ you and the others on this site, are just so smart. Poor TJ...he doesn't know about Robyn's advisors! haha
Synopsis is right...you don't have to be mean, just get what you deserve...having an amicable relationship with your stbx is secondary to getting what you need to exist adequately with your kids.
Speaking of [i]Coors Lite advice,[i] that's what I personally think TJ has done with his $ all these years, while you paid your share of the bills. Drink, act big with $, is he a card player? I (personally) don't think TJ is smart enough to save any $, he's just smart enough to get half the story from a lawyer, then try to intimidate his wife and children with the little he misunderstood. I'm with pirate girl ~ watch out TJ, mediation is going to be a bit*h!...and I also agree, let TJ talk first, he'll quickly bury himself...no need for anyone else to try to make him look bad.
I can't wait until Robyn's lawyer unfolds the lifetime of abuses ~ remember, TJ's lawyer only knows the fables TJ has told him...he never dreamed Robyn would be strong enough to blow the whistle on him.
I'm working extra hours at this time, and just not as available as I was over the summer to post ~ but I'm following all your posts, and with you all in spirit ~ thinking of you Robyn. Please be documenting all these neglectful behaviors of TJ's, they will make your case...is there anything anyone on here can do to help? What info are you looking for in old posts?
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