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I think I am posting to myself these days....eeek! Can anyone reccomend a 12 step? Maybe I need to end the thread, things are working themselves out, finally, I suppose once the court dates come and go, it will get even better....
hmm.....
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I didn't get back on here last night, maybe I did, but I dont think so...whew!
I sat on the front porch swing, just swinging. I had my eyes closed....listening to the sound of all of the rain coming down. The drops falling here and there, on so many different surfaces, so many different levels, making so many different noises.
It was exquisite. It was better than any music you could ever listen to, the drops just going where they may, it started raining harder, the sounds getting lounder and intensifying.
I kept swinging, my head laid back, eyes closed, focusing in on nothing but the sound of the rain, hitting the street, the bushes, the sidewalk, splashing up as a car would go by every once in a while. Hitting the side of the house. So many different sounds coming from one single thing, the raindrop.
A symphony put together by the Lord and His natures Magesty. Finally! I have it back...Natures Magesty! Finally! It has been missing, with my walks in the Superdome being gone, but sitting there, under the safe haven of my porch, just swinging, eyes closed.
Just as the preacher says at the end of the sermon...every eye closed...
He says every head bowed, but my head was leaned backwards, enjoying the swinging motion and the sound of the rain....a little bit of mist hitting me is all, not much at all.
There are so many who dont like the rain, but I love it. No umbrella for me, I walk through the rain and let it run down me, refreshing my body and soul, renewing my heart, releasing all demons.
For me, the rain...is my friend. Rain does not bring me down, as it does some, but lifts me up. I can hear the water splashing up right now as cars go by, and I smile.
I love the rain... I think it loves me too...
Last edited by Pikantari; 10-25-2007 at 05:49 AM..
OK, finally got ahold of the drs office, they turn the phones over at 730 eastern, but just able to get them, appt at 930, so I suppose I will get in the shower, let A keep on sleeping on the couch, as he is...
I am wearing a t shirt with toothpaste all down the front from last nights brushing of the teeth, and coffee all down the side, from a hug from A and him not seeing that I was taking a sip of coffee... (OUCH)
Have to call OM, because she owns my time on earth between 815 and 530 weekdays and let her know. it is a work in, so we will be there, lets see, 4 hours. Its all good!
Don't you dare stop posting without telling us first!!
I can see some of us connecting and renting a van. Then we head to 'the Chimes area'. It may take us days to figure out where you are!! LOL!
About the A thing with a counselor and the court....I didn't really mean that any fine details would be given. Just that the system, who is responsible for lookin' out for the children, would be aware that A needed some help because of his father's poor choices.
If you personally tell the court or someone with power what is happening, they may see it as an attack/over reaction/bad blood sort of thing. If it is presented as 'it was necessary to seek intervention for the older child based on his interaction with his father'. I suppose, until there is a major acting out incident or meltdown of some sort, there is really nothing that can be done via the system.
I hope A's arm is a minor mishap, he has little pain, and he comes around quickly. Let us know!! ((((Huggers!!))))
Don't you dare stop posting without telling us first!!
I can see some of us connecting and renting a van. Then we head to 'the Chimes area'. It may take us days to figure out where you are!! LOL!
About the A thing with a counselor and the court....I didn't really mean that any fine details would be given. Just that the system, who is responsible for lookin' out for the children, would be aware that A needed some help because of his father's poor choices.
If you personally tell the court or someone with power what is happening, they may see it as an attack/over reaction/bad blood sort of thing. If it is presented as 'it was necessary to seek intervention for the older child based on his interaction with his father'. I suppose, until there is a major acting out incident or meltdown of some sort, there is really nothing that can be done via the system.
I hope A's arm is a minor mishap, he has little pain, and he comes around quickly. Let us know!! ((((Huggers!!))))
He is fast asleep on the couch right now...he is laying on the upper portion of the hurt arm... gave him more IBU earlier.
I called j to let him know he was doing ok, and to let him know the on call said it was probably a bruising, but that I was taking him in, and would call him after the appt.
I dont know where he was, I called his cell. It has been 5 days since his accident, today he gets his staples out. He sounded very very depressed.
I did not engage in conversation, but if one of the kids gets hurt, I do feel it my responsibility to let him know, just as it would be, the other way around.
Now I did say to him...what is wrong with you? He said I will be ok one day. I say that every once in a while when Lindsay asks me if I am ok. I am wondering what is going on w him, and if he is exhibiting this same I dont know, tone, voice, depression..on the phone w the kids, but I do not want to ask them that. He did not see them this past weekend, his choice... He saw them for a few hours last weekend.
Why do I care? Why do I care what is the matter with him? Human nature? I was his wife forever?
Why am I concerned?
Because there have been 2 suicude attempt admits this week? One came into the office the other day, tues with suicidal thoughts, and the hosp wouldn't take him....
Is that playing in? I am tapping my right foot, and I am concerned. Why do I care..... WHY! Would he care if it were me?
I have difficulty in understanding all of this,.
Must go...taking A to his appt. Told OM it was at 930 and she said ok, I'll see you then...crazy butt. She will see me a long time fr then.
Robyn, I am glad you are taking A in for x-rays. Let me tell you my little saga...
My A hurt his wrist on Sunday, he came home from friends with it swollen and after hearing what had caused it, I told him we would watch it a day or so that the swelling was not so bad. He complained again with it hurting on Monday, but the swelling was still minor and no discoloration. On Tuesday, he came in from school once again complaining, and this time the swelling was a bit worse, he said his coach had looked at it and thought he needed x-rays because there could be a small bone fracture.
Yesterday, we spent the morning in the local clinic and sure enough, A has a fracture on one of the small bones, and possibly two fractures. We are headed this a.m. to the orthopedic doctor for further instructions.
Oh honey - you care because you're you. You love this man still - a part of you always will - he gave you the children. You have now realized that love is not enough if both people are not equals in the relationship and you have moved on. You are a kind person and you care about strangers - of course you are going to care about the father of your children. You don't want bad things for him just because you don't want to live with him anymore. Don't be so hard on yourself. But be careful showing him that concern right now - he's like a child playing up a booboo for his mommy to get extra attention - and he might view your kindness as a weakness for him and he'll get mixed signals. So - as hard as it is - don't ask him what is wrong for awhile - you can't allow his problems to be yours anymore.
I know I have said this before - but get A a journal and a really nice pen and tell him to hide it. It will really help. You can get devotional journals for kids that have a scripture and small story on the side of the page and then space for writing.
Plus - the courts will probably say counseling is necessary for everybody if you express your concerns. does your health insurance cover anything? Mine does for a copay....check into it. Our therapist labeled it adjustment issues and the kids can go when they need to......
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