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Please keep an eye on A. He seems to be getting injuries that are self inflicted. I'm not saying he's doing it on purpose. I'm just making sure the batteries work in the 'ol 'watch the kid' alarm. My son was one of those 'booboo' kinda kids. Rough and tumble and a risk taker. He did get the booboo directly....just the choices he made.
Even if A is making choices during this stressful time that hurt, who knows why he's making the choices. Attention? Deflecting pain? No way to know, and confronting him may make it worse. Watching is the only thing to do until you see a true pattern or things need to be made safe really fast.
Please keep an eye on A. He seems to be getting injuries that are self inflicted. I'm not saying he's doing it on purpose. I'm just making sure the batteries work in the 'ol 'watch the kid' alarm. My son was one of those 'booboo' kinda kids. Rough and tumble and a risk taker. He did get the booboo directly....just the choices he made.
Even if A is making choices during this stressful time that hurt, who knows why he's making the choices. Attention? Deflecting pain? No way to know, and confronting him may make it worse. Watching is the only thing to do until you see a true pattern or things need to be made safe really fast.
Nope, Rockky,. normal routine. A acts like he is a swordsman and swings his arm around, does it all the time, for years... this time he banged it.
The foot, I dont know, but his feet are just like j's he has a long pinky toe w eww, alot of skin on it, on the outer edge. Dont think anything self inflicted at all....
Nope, Rockky,. normal routine. A acts like he is a swordsman and swings his arm around, does it all the time, for years... this time he banged it.
The foot, I dont know, but his feet are just like j's he has a long pinky toe w eww, alot of skin on it, on the outer edge. Dont think anything self inflicted at all....
He hates pain.
Good. Very happy to have been having incorrect concerns.
aiangel_writer - I hope your son feels better and heals quickly!
Robyn - Ouch on A! Sometimes those bruises can hurt worse than a break....how nice of him to wake you with his bloody foot!
I can't add much to what's been said - everyone here is so wise and caring...gotta love all of you!
Robyn - If A isn't much into sports and is dead-set against basketball, are there any clubs in school that would be more to his liking? I'm probably dating myself, I don't know if schools have a "student government" any more, but if they do, is that something he might enjoy being involved in? When I was in school (back in the stone age....) we had a student government that had representatives from each grade level from 6th to 12th and various committees, etc. for each grade.
If A's a history buff, any kind of clubs in the school that focus on that type of thing?
Regarding TJ and his depression - I can understand your concern and I second, third, fourth, fifth (?) everyone else - don't let TJ know you are worried about it or him because of the "conflicting message" it might send him, but if you can somehow let A know it's okay for him to care about his dad and what he's feeling but not let it pull HIM down, that would be great.
Have a good night....and if I have any dreams about a bloody toe in front of my face tonight, I'm going to blame you! <vbg>
Aiangel- My A injured the growth plate in his foot a couple of years ago- it's a tedious process to get them healed but imperative---- I wish you and your A luck.
Robyn, don't you dare stop posting! Maybe a third thread....... you had "where is the love" and "a new day has dawned" maybe the next one should be "I will survive" or "Coming out of the Dark!"
I check this thread every chance I get. It's been therapeutic for me to look back on some of my experiences and finally extract some usefulness- all these years later I believe I still benefit from reflection. You aren't just helping yourself here- you are giving all of us the chance not only to help you, but to help ourselves and make some sense out of our experiences. And lord knows how many women in similar situations are reading your/our story and finding the way out of their own darkness.
Yours is a story of survival and building a new life............. of hope and nerve and finding all the parts of you that were lost or buried for all these years. It's a success story and those are the best kind to share.
J's depression is not "yours" it is his. You are not responsible for it and you are not obligated to help him through it. He puts so much stock into what his crazy mother says---- perhaps he needs to turn to her for help right now. You need to focus on you and the kids......
Aiangel- My A injured the growth plate in his foot a couple of years ago- it's a tedious process to get them healed but imperative---- I wish you and your A luck.
Robyn, don't you dare stop posting! Maybe a third thread....... you had "where is the love" and "a new day has dawned" maybe the next one should be "I will survive" or "Coming out of the Dark!"
I check this thread every chance I get. It's been therapeutic for me to look back on some of my experiences and finally extract some usefulness- all these years later I believe I still benefit from reflection. You aren't just helping yourself here- you are giving all of us the chance not only to help you, but to help ourselves and make some sense out of our experiences. And lord knows how many women in similar situations are reading your/our story and finding the way out of their own darkness.
Yours is a story of survival and building a new life............. of hope and nerve and finding all the parts of you that were lost or buried for all these years. It's a success story and those are the best kind to share.
J's depression is not "yours" it is his. You are not responsible for it and you are not obligated to help him through it. He puts so much stock into what his crazy mother says---- perhaps he needs to turn to her for help right now. You need to focus on you and the kids......
Have a great evening!
This is a good place for all of us. I know there are others reading. (HI!)
Just like in Where is the love, every once in a while I will look over at the amt of times read...and it is alot, so people are reading, just not posting.
Do we all have A's here? Maybe we should start an A club? heehee
The growth plate. It needs to heel properly. She was checking out that area, because when he turns his wrist, it causes pain to the area he hurt, and his has not begun to close, so I have a bigfoot living in my house.
Oh, he is almost in a 12 shoe. 11 1/2 I think.... Dr said just as long as you keep working and keep buying him clothes...I thought got that right, w j talking about he doesn't know if supporting them is the right thing.
Somehow, can't get past that. But... we do have the support hearing on the 7th, and custody on the 19th.
I do, however think that somehow he thinks he may get custody tho....I dont know how he thinks that, but I do think that he thinks that.
Strange. Has that ever happened to anyone else? I layed there in my bed, and I had no idea of time. My eyes were closed but I was awake. My alarm had not gone off yet, it goes off at 506 every day, dont ask. I felt like it was almost time, and thought, well, I will just get up.
My eyes would not open, so I lay there. I thought, maybe it is not meant for me to get up yet. A few minutes later, after I had almost fallen asleep, the alarm went off, and my eyes were allowed to open.
I was able to get right out of bed. normally the alarm goes off for at least 7 minutes, and the cats are trying to drag me out of bed...lmao. Not today.
Something different about today. Coffee is good. Kids are up. Just got the biggest swaying hug from L. She said I see that smile! And it was a big one. I have already had 2 hugs from My A. The first one would cost me, he said, my payment was in full, by giving him the second one...silly kid, trix are for kids! Oh wait..he is a kid!
What is different? I think my life is just falling into place, as it should. Just got another hug and a zerbert from L. Coffee is still hot, and good. Normally is getting cold by now.
I had the rain. I sat yesterday, and last night on the front porch swing, swinging, as the mist hit my face. That is the best feeling in the world to me, you know, not better than hugs, but on a different level, a different perspective. A different plane.
Just swinging. Just sitting out there alone in the mist. The quiet, with the occasional car passing by. They cut the cotton... that was sad. It was in its most awesome glory, beautiful white fields of cotton. I sat there and thought...what is missing...I looked around, what is it? Where are the puffy fields of white, the clouds that lay on the ground? Gone. But it is time. Replaced are just brown sticks, not near as lovely to behold...but again, the swinging, and the mist.
My pajamas have stars , clouds and moons on them, as I look down at them. The moons are crescent all of them snoozing, with their eyes closed. Is this why I couldn't open my eyes this morning? Nah. I was ready to start my day, and my body was not. Thats all it was. I sit in the dark as I type, that has not changed....from where is the love.
Back in those days, I used to get up in the night, 1am, 4 am, who knows what time I would be up, but if I was up... I was here. I was quiet, in the dark...like a church mouse. Typing my feelings. In the 4am hour he would awaken, why are you you up? Why are you on the computer? What are you typing?
Then I thought he was just being nosey. Now I know that he thought I was journaling against him. But I was getting my every thought, my every feeling, my hurt, my pain out of my system.
Without cd...without cd, I may still be at shackles, but you know, my strength...I become stronger every day. I have been here for 2 months, just about. I wonder where I would be? I have gotten my strength from many places, this place being one of them, and with this place being said, that means all of you!
Would I still be there? Afraid? In the dark at 4am? I dont know, I will never know. The path that was meant for me is the one I took. I think things happen for a reason.
I often wonder why people are at cd. I am here because I was researching an area for a move. Praise God from whom all blessings flow. I did not move, I had the realization, the confirmation. CD came up on the search engine.
My first step. I cannot move with you. So scary, but I wiped away the tears, and came into the house and told him. I did it. The first step. Many steps came after.
I am writing a novel here, but for some reason this morning, I have many feelings flooding from me. Nothing bad, just all good, and all I dont know. All...YAY!
Robyn - TJ may still be thinking about custody, but if he is, he's living in TJ-land again. No judge in their right mind is going to allow that.
1. You have a place to live and have had since the day you left.
2. You are providing for the children financially, emotionally and materially.
3. You are making sure they do their homework.
4. You take them to doctor appointments and other appointments necessary for their well-being.
TJ on the other hand:
1. Has to move on 10/31 - To his own place? To a family member's house? Under a bridge? Who knows.
2. He gave you some money toward support, now he's not sure if he should be doing that? gimme a break.
3. The children are not to do any homework when with him? gimme a break.
4. He does not take them to any appointments.
You are starting to feel the peace and contentment that come with making a hard decision that you knew in your heart was the right one. You are also starting to see yourself as the strong person you really are. That's why you are having all these feelings now. A part of you probably misses the "nuclear family" that you had, but a bigger part also knows that family was not healthy, this family (you, A and L) is becoming a healthy family.....That's where all your feelings are coming from.
Don't stop posting unless you just want to, but the rest of us aren't tired of it at all! I don't post much anymore, mostly because you seem to have it all under control and always get such excellent advice, but I catch up once or twice a day. We'll all worry if you suddenly disappear!
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My eyes were closed but I was awake.
