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But that's not what this post is about, if you think so, you need to re-read.
No, you need to re-read. I had said "I don't wanna go down that road" specifically because it isn't the subject.
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Originally Posted by xxbabeechick
What entitles him to tell him his preference on my manner of dress at all, especially so specifically. I would never tell a man I wasn't serious with to change his clothing. It is controlling.
Yes, to TELL someone TO change it is controlling. To ASK someone to change it, somewhat less controlling. To say that you prefer something different, is not. And it can never be too early for someone you're dating to bring up these things if they're important to them. It's not a matter of entitlement, it's a matter of saving precious time and heartache if the two people who are dating can't come to an agreement.
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Originally Posted by xxbabeechick
I have no interest in a LTR with this man, and I knew that from the second date. If you're telling a woman how to dress when all you do is go out for nights on the town with her, and she never calls you or doesn't pick up half your phone calls (me), then you have serious issues.
Does he know you're 100% against a long-term relationship with him? If so, I think he's got issues for that. Makes no sense to date someone you know will never be anything more than a date, especially when you're dating more than just one person. And if he DOESN'T know you've made up your mind about him already, you got some fingers to point at yourself, quite frankly.
At any rate, I take it there's no right way to bring up the subject of the way your date is dressed? Because if that's the case, you forfeit the right to complain about the way this guy brought it up.
Thanks, but clearly you didn't read the original post.
He loves hookers who show cleavage and doesn't like hookers who show legs. So yes, he is telling me how to dress, and very specifically.
When he met me, I wasn't dressed like a nun, trust me...I was ready for a night of partying. I met him on the NJ transit. He didn't say two words to me, but was staring at me like I was the last woman on earth. So clearly, he didn't give me his number because he saw the beauty within.
I want some of what you're smoking.
Initial meeting or exchanges generally stand from the outward beauty\apperance, correct. You may have appeared yummy on the Transit; can't blame him for your beauty or curves...he is human.
If you met him wearing Tour De France bike pants a helmet and spikes would you expect him to wear something along that line on a date?
Clothing- Partynight cloth may not translate to Datenight, Just as PT gear will not equate to datenight.
it's weird that y'all are criticizing this guy for having a preference.. and it sounds like he stated his preference about as passively and diplomatically as he could have. Somehow she's sold y'all on the idea that he's telling her how to dress.
No one is criticizing him for his "preference". The POINT IS he MET the OP dressing in revealing clothes and she's been dressing like that on every date they've gone out on. It wasn't NEWS to him. If he didn't like her style of dress, then he should have spoken to a woman that ALREADY dresses that way.
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What I've taken away from this thread, is that the guy's mistake was that he wasn't blunt enough. He should've said something more along the lines of: "Listen, you're real nice but I don't date girls who dress like hookers."
No, he was fine in how he said it, but it doesn't matter.
This is how she dressed when he MET her. If he didn't approve of it on the first day, then he never should have approached her to begin with.
The "problem" lies with HIM not with the OP. She's content with her look.
Exactly. Ask yourself why. To me, it seems obvious he liked something about her more than he disliked the way she was dressed. In other words, perhaps the women he saw who LOOKED the way he wanted didn't ACT the way he wanted. Given the choice of just the two (which of course, we can't assume were his only options), I would've taken the same gamble he did, honestly. Because I think most women would rather change the way they dress than their behavior. But then, it depends on many little details and most importantly, how you bring up the subject.... which no one is humoring me on!
No, I wouldn't want to change my wardrobe to please anyone, especially if you met me dressing this way.
I'm not as revealing in my style of dress as the OP is. If I got a man who wanted me to let it all hangout and show more skin than what I'm comfortable with when he didn't meet dressing that way, then we would have "issues".
Again, there are WAY MORE WOMEN that dress the way he likes than the way the OP does. WHY didn't he talk to them?
Again, why do people (both sexes) get with a person whose behavior and style of dress was already established and working just "fine" for THEM, then all of a sudden want to "change" things? Why not just find the person who is as close to your ideal as possible?
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How should a guy broach the subject? Surely, there's a way he do this without being labeled "controlling"...?
He shouldn't "broach" it all. If her fashion choices are a make or break deal for him, then he can be honest and let her know that. The choice is up to HER whether or not she feels like being bothered with dressing in a way that is not her style nor "comfortable" to her.
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Maybe he did. Maybe the "everything else" was the length of her skirt? Is that in and of itself such a hard thing for her to compromise on?
Um, dude MET her in a low cut cleavage baring mini-dress. He knew the deal when he got with her.
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Perhaps this is part of the problem. Perhaps men consider the way someone dresses a "light" thing, a minor change, nothing to be miserable or no longer feel like yourself over; and maybe women are more likely to consider it part of their identity
Okay, let me clarify by what "I" mean by "light change" or compromise. If we are in the dating stage or bf/gf, but not living together, then "light change" might be doing something I might like sexually or along those lines. If we are LIVING TOGETHER, then it becomes different. I'm not a neat freak, but I need "order" in the home. I don't mind a cup or plate or two left in the sink overnight, but there is no way I can deal with a sink FULL of unwashed dishes overnight. Just the thought alone makes me cringe. And I know there might be some things I may have to "compromise" on in order not to get on HIS nerves.
I'm not asking to change his wardrobe or his identity as a PERSON.
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Honestly, I'd look at what's more likely to change. Only with women who cling so dearly to their "fashion sense" is it unthinkable she would ever start wearing slightly longer shorts. You make a very good point, though, in your talk of compromise. Anyone who is asked to change something (including casual mentions of that something being inferior to an alternative), should test a prospective bf/gf by asking in a similarly respectful way for them to change something also. Doesn't have to be tit-for-tat the whole time, and it doesn't have to be right away, but I'd think this would be a great way of knowing exactly who you're dealing with.
I agree. It depends on the person and how important the relationship is THEM and what they are "comfortable" with.
Is this the same guy who is still married but forgot to tell you? You seem to like these weird relationships, you've been giving good advice you should listen.
It wasn't NEWS to him. If he didn't like her style of dress, then he should have spoken to a woman that ALREADY dresses that way.
uhhh, no. Dude in question has NO way of knowing whether she dresses like a hooker occasionally, sometimes, or all the time. He didn't wait for 3 months, or 3 years, he brought it up after the 3rd time they'd met.
I kinda feel for the dude, trying to take a girl seriously (instead of just sex), trying to be nice about it, and having his good intentions thrown back in his face like a chump. Which is why I say: the guy screwed up when he tried to be nice about it. He should've just given her an ultimatum: if you want me to invest any time in this, you will have to stop dressing like a hooker.
Beating around the bush simply invites alternate interpretations, like those we see in this thread.
Have been seeing this guy that lives in Pennsylvania for several months, we're making a go of it, but not jumping into exclusivity (I'm dating others).
Main reason I love hanging out with him is that we both have a blast. I honestly don't see long term dating potential, and his life is complicated with his kids and stuff, but we like going out and doing the same things and we literally have a ball when we have a night out together.
But like, third time we hung out, he commented that next time he wanted me to dress more modestly. Now people who hang out with me know me, I change my look like people change their underwear. I'll go on a leggings kick that all I'll wear is leggings, I'll go on a jeans kick, I'll go on a dresses kick. I was on a short skirt kick when out with him. For some reason he doesn't mind (and actually enjoys) cleavage, but he doesn't like my legs to be exposed. Talk about weird.
He phrased it in the way that he wanted "his woman" to dress. Well, I'm not your woman, so I'm glad we cleared that up. I was smiling but underneath my blood was boiling.
The point is, we're not even to that point yet that he should be asking me to modify the way I dress. I've only modified my way of dress for one person, and that's when I actually started living with him.
I hate when dudes do stuff like this. I'm a non-confrontational person who doesn't like to make an apparent big deal out of anything, but I get really annoyed...
I'm stuck on this issue. I had the complete opposite happen this past weekend to me. This older man (approx late 40s) had a younger blond GF or wife with him. She looked 25-30ish and was dressed to impress. He looked like this older surfer dude who hadn't grown up yet. I was standing in front of them when she was looking at a tactical knife for her to carry. They were giddy like a couple of high schoolers. You know...laughing and giggling as well as hanging all over each other in public and kissing. They asked me what I thought of this Kershaw Leek. She was trying it out in her pocket to see how it fit. The whole time while looking at this knife, she had a rock hard flat stomach and was working her skin tight jeans down as the top of her thong and stomach (crotch) was starting to be exposed for me to see. I looked at the Leek and her. They both looked me ( ok stared) me right in the eye and were smiling and giggling while doing it. The dude gets off when other men check out his lady! Whiskey Tango Foxtrot??? LOL I've never seen something like that before! I tried to look away, but COULDN'T!! Both their eyes kept meeting mine and laughing about it. Sick puppies!
uhhh, no. Dude in question has NO way of knowing whether she dresses like a hooker occasionally, sometimes, or all the time.
Um, yes, he DID know, because she said they've gone out about 6 or 7 times and each one of her outfits have been about the same.
So, NO, he wasn't clueless as to her outfits.
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Like I say, the guy screwed up when he tried to be nice about it. He should've just given her an ultimatum: if you want me to invest any time in this, you will have to stop dressing like a hooker.
Yes, this would have worked PERFECTLY.
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Beating around the bush simply invites alternate interpretations, like those we see in this thread.
He didn't beat around the bush. He told her he didn't want her exposing her legs when she's with him. You can't get no more direct than that.
It's up to the OP if she feels like being bothered with it. If he's a sugar daddy giving her money and paying her bills, then maybe she might consider changing to keep the cash coming, but if he's just some dude she doesn't really care about or see a future with, then there's nothing to think about and no reason to change.
For what? He's not some young pup fresh outta high school. He's a grown man that's been around the block several times. If he wants a frumpy fishwife, then there are THOUSANDS to choose from.
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I looked at the Leek and her. They both looked me ( ok stared) me right in the eye and were smiling and giggling while doing it. The dude gets off when other men check out his lady! Whiskey Tango Foxtrot??? LOL I've never seen something like that before!
I tried to look away, but COULDN'T!! Both their eyes kept meeting mine and laughing about it. Sick puppies!
