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Um, yes, he DID know, because she said they've gone out about 6 or 7 times and each one of her outfits have been about the same.
nope. from the OP:
Quote:
Originally Posted by xxbabeechick
But like, third time we hung out, he commented that next time he wanted me to dress more modestly. Now people who hang out with me know me, I change my look like people change their underwear. I'll go on a leggings kick that all I'll wear is leggings, I'll go on a jeans kick, I'll go on a dresses kick. I was on a short skirt kick when out with him. For some reason he doesn't mind (and actually enjoys) cleavage, but he doesn't like my legs to be exposed. Talk about weird.
He phrased it in the way that he wanted "his woman" to dress. Well, I'm not your woman, so I'm glad we cleared that up. I was smiling but underneath my blood was boiling.
Quote:
Originally Posted by marilyn220
He didn't beat around the bush. He told her he didn't want her exposing her legs when she's with him. You can't get no more direct than that.
that is NOT what he said. Like she stated in the OP, the guy said that he wouldn't want "his woman" to dress like that. "His woman" is hypothetical.. which supports what I said, the dude was obviously trying to be nice.
LOL the OP is obviously someone who craves attention not to mention her up close and personal cleavage shot as her profile pic. When you dress like that no wonder u get guys telling u what to wear
Have been seeing this guy that lives in Pennsylvania for several months, we're making a go of it, but not jumping into exclusivity (I'm dating others).
Main reason I love hanging out with him is that we both have a blast. I honestly don't see long term dating potential, and his life is complicated with his kids and stuff, but we like going out and doing the same things and we literally have a ball when we have a night out together.
But like, third time we hung out, he commented that next time he wanted me to dress more modestly. Now people who hang out with me know me, I change my look like people change their underwear. I'll go on a leggings kick that all I'll wear is leggings, I'll go on a jeans kick, I'll go on a dresses kick. I was on a short skirt kick when out with him. For some reason he doesn't mind (and actually enjoys) cleavage, but he doesn't like my legs to be exposed. Talk about weird.
He phrased it in the way that he wanted "his woman" to dress. Well, I'm not your woman, so I'm glad we cleared that up. I was smiling but underneath my blood was boiling.
The point is, we're not even to that point yet that he should be asking me to modify the way I dress. I've only modified my way of dress for one person, and that's when I actually started living with him.
I hate when dudes do stuff like this. I'm a non-confrontational person who doesn't like to make an apparent big deal out of anything, but I get really annoyed...
First, if he met you when you were dressed a certain way, and he's trying to get you to change after knowing your personal style, AND you're not even in a relationship with him, then he needs a slap in the face.
I can understand him asking you to dress in a more demure way in certain situations, even if you guys aren't a 'couple' (for example, going to a function with members of his family, going to a 'dressy' restaurant, etc.), but he's already making claims that you're 'his' woman, and he wants 'his woman' to dress a certain way. This would be very alarming to me if I were in your shoes. It doesn't sound like he wants you to dress more conservatively in certain situations. It sounds like he wants you to be more conservative, period. He shouldn't try to change you. If he doesn't like your style, then he can move on.
Did I miss something? When did you agree to giving up your choices? If you did agree, why since you barely know him? As for when he decides it is his right to order you to dress in a certain way, not in 60 years. He doesn't TAKE that, he is GIVEN that responsibility IF you choose.
However, if someone I was dating asked me to wear a certain style or said he preferred something, then I would have the opportunity to decide WHETHER to please him or myself.
Maybe she wasn't dressed appropriately for the situation or environment.
There is a whole world of difference dressing for a Saturday night on the town, and for a casual dinner.
My hypothesis is the op doesn't dress place or event appropriate.
That is the flipside. Personally, I'd be mortified if someone implied that about me.
However, that doesn't give him the right to demand that she dress a certain way. If he thinks she dresses inappropriately, he can either note--delicately--that the next time they get together his children or parents would be there and he'd prefer it if she did not dress like she was going to a club, or he can find someone else.
Again, there are WAY MORE WOMEN that dress the way he likes than the way the OP does. WHY didn't he talk to them?
I've already answered this. Clearly, he doesn't consider the way a woman is dressed the only important factor. Perhaps what he saw was a bunch of other women who dressed more conservatively but didn't seem compatible in terms of personality. Sometimes, you're attracted to someone in spite of these minor things.
Quote:
Originally Posted by marilyn220
Again, why do people (both sexes) get with a person whose behavior and style of dress was already established and working just "fine" for THEM, then all of a sudden want to "change" things? Why not just find the person who is as close to your ideal as possible?
Who's to say he didn't do just that? It just so happens that the one thing we know of that he wanted to change was something the OP felt very passionately about. How was he supposed to know that? She said they had a blast on their dates, so to the best of our knowledge so far, he wasn't unhappy with her personality or behavior, just this one thing.
Quote:
Originally Posted by marilyn220
He shouldn't "broach" it all. If her fashion choices are a make or break deal for him, then he can be honest and let her know that. The choice is up to HER whether or not she feels like being bothered with dressing in a way that is not her style nor "comfortable" to her.
Lol, that'd be a way of broaching the subject, don't you think? Only it implies an ultimatum, instead of something open to discussion.
Quote:
Originally Posted by marilyn220
Um, dude MET her in a low cut cleavage baring mini-dress. He knew the deal when he got with her.
He knew what she was wearing, not "the deal". Not that she always wore it. Not that she would insist on wearing it. Yeah, he could've ASSUMED, but then he'd never know what could've been. People compromise on much more (dare I say) important matters for their SOs and even dates all the time. Not knowing the future, a man has every inclination to take the gamble and date someone who has one, single "flaw" as he sees it.
Quote:
Originally Posted by marilyn220
Okay, let me clarify by what "I" mean by "light change" or compromise. If we are in the dating stage or bf/gf, but not living together, then "light change" might be doing something I might like sexually or along those lines. If we are LIVING TOGETHER, then it becomes different. I'm not a neat freak, but I need "order" in the home. I don't mind a cup or plate or two left in the sink overnight, but there is no way I can deal with a sink FULL of unwashed dishes overnight. Just the thought alone makes me cringe. And I know there might be some things I may have to "compromise" on in order not to get on HIS nerves.
I'm not asking to change his wardrobe or his identity as a PERSON.
To some people (including women), what you wear is not half as big a deal as even the smallest details of your sex life. We know where you and the OP stand on the importance of "fashion sense" in terms of your identity. But it's only because you told us. Try and understand that.
I honestly don't see long term dating potential, and his life is complicated with his kids and stuff
Then why do you even care what he thinks, clearly you dont want anything with him long term, so why is this an issue? Just move along to someone more appropriate.
That is the flipside. Personally, I'd be mortified if someone implied that about me.
However, that doesn't give him the right to demand that she dress a certain way. If he thinks she dresses inappropriately, he can either note--delicately--that the next time they get together his children or parents would be there and he'd prefer it if she did not dress like she was going to a club, or he can find someone else.
First, I will state that if somebody can't dress appropriately, I wouldn't spend 2 seconds bothering to date them. Whatever the issue with that is, I don't want to tackle that.
My thought is he met her when he was clubbing. He's hoping there is more to her than that, and I guess sadly for him there isn't. Maybe he's trying to give it the old college try before giving up.
Maybe he could have asked in a better way, but then again we don't really know because we are only hearing this 3rd party.
Have been seeing this guy that lives in Pennsylvania for several months, we're making a go of it, but not jumping into exclusivity (I'm dating others).
Main reason I love hanging out with him is that we both have a blast. I honestly don't see long term dating potential, and his life is complicated with his kids and stuff, but we like going out and doing the same things and we literally have a ball when we have a night out together.
But like, third time we hung out, he commented that next time he wanted me to dress more modestly. Now people who hang out with me know me, I change my look like people change their underwear. I'll go on a leggings kick that all I'll wear is leggings, I'll go on a jeans kick, I'll go on a dresses kick. I was on a short skirt kick when out with him. For some reason he doesn't mind (and actually enjoys) cleavage, but he doesn't like my legs to be exposed. Talk about weird.
He phrased it in the way that he wanted "his woman" to dress. Well, I'm not your woman, so I'm glad we cleared that up. I was smiling but underneath my blood was boiling.
The point is, we're not even to that point yet that he should be asking me to modify the way I dress. I've only modified my way of dress for one person, and that's when I actually started living with him.
I hate when dudes do stuff like this. I'm a non-confrontational person who doesn't like to make an apparent big deal out of anything, but I get really annoyed...
Were you guys going to an opera or something similar? Where did he want to take you? Was this a one time request?
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