Do people have an unrealistic view of their own attractiveness? (girlfriends, conversations)
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Very few men have true 'game' and the ones that dont stick to the rivers and the lakes that they're used to.
The OP mentioned in his first post that average women think they're 'gods gift to men". Do you know why they think that? It does have something to do with the attention they get from men. Attention that comes from men thinking they have a real shot. There's no way to sugar coat the fact that if a man is talking to an average looking chick who has at least one redeeming physical quality that the man finds attractive, he's thinking to himself "i have a shot here, she's not Victoria Secret".
Most men are in the 4,5,6 range (5 being the median and 4 and 6 being the closest competition) and you can't convince me that men who are looks rated 4 thru 6 are approaching 9s and 10s on a fairly regular basis...it just doesnt happen as often as you think.
I am average, probably slightly below and I don't think I'm "god's gift to men" this is more something men say when they get rejected by too many average women.
Don't tell me what doesn't happen when I've seen it with my own eyes, so sorry maybe it hasn't happened in your company but it has in mine and on numerous enough times.
I will say it again: Men make a beeline for very attractive women, many times they will not even LOOK at the less attractive girls in the group. They are full of crap when saying they don't do this.
I am average, probably slightly below and I don't think I'm "god's gift to men" this is more something men say when they get rejected by too many average women.
It's part of this entitlement some men have where they can be as repulsive as possible and if they are rejected it's the woman's fault. I saw it often online where guys with nothing to offer went after the cream of the crop with women then when they got rejected blamed the women for not giving them a chance. The amount of below average men I saw online who wanted way above them was far more than the realistic men looking at average looking women. I would see some of the men who contacted me and would get so upset thinking this was the best I could do.
These guys have 3 options, as far as i can tell:
Improve their looks
Date someone less attractive
Settle for being alone for a long time until you maybe get lucky someday
Of course it is possible to overachieve, but those cases are the exception rather than the rule. Guys who shoot out of their league should expect to go through a lot of rejection before finding someone who reciprocates. People who are sick of being alone should either improve their own looks or stop trying to date supermodels.
Improve their looks
Date someone less attractive
Settle for being alone for a long time until you maybe get lucky someday
Of course it is possible to overachieve, but those cases are the exception rather than the rule. Guys who shoot out of their league should expect to go through a lot of rejection before finding someone who reciprocates. People who are sick of being alone should either improve their own looks or stop trying to date supermodels.
Here's my take on it. If you are looking for "the one" you might have to go through many rejections, many break ups, many "wrong ones" in order to find her. I don't think dating women you are not attracted to is the answer. Would you want someone to date you that didn't find you attractive? The right woman will find you attractive and you will find her attractive. You will be attracted to each other. And honestly - I think most people meet the right person by getting to know them - not by hitting on them in a bar or some other place where all you have to go on is the person's looks. Now - I know people are going to pipe up and talk about how they met their SO at a bar and such - I'm not saying that it doesn't happen - but most people that I know met their SO through school, work, friends, etc.
And once again - a positive attitude and confidence can take you far in life and in love. If you look at every woman that crosses your path and think, "She HAS to be the one! This one can't possibly reject me!" - you are setting yourself up for failure - and the kind of failure that's going to get you down. The right one will be the right one - you won't have to force things. And the wrong ones will be the wrong ones no matter what - so better to find out sooner than later.
Actually, i forgot about the 4th option, which is paying for female attention. That can get expensive in a hurry, though. Better be a high roller if you want to pull that off.
Actually, i forgot about the 4th option, which is paying for female attention. That can get expensive in a hurry, though. Better be a high roller if you want to pull that off.
And once again - a positive attitude and confidence can take you far in life and in love. .
I think i'd rather just pay for some female attention or order a Russian bride than be lectured on the need to maintain a positive attitude after years of rejection.
That being said, you are probably right that the majority of couples meet naturally, rather than one person "approaching" the other.
And honestly - I think most people meet the right person by getting to know them - not by hitting on them in a bar or some other place where all you have to go on is the person's looks. Now - I know people are going to pipe up and talk about how they met their SO at a bar and such - I'm not saying that it doesn't happen - but most people that I know met their SO through school, work, friends, etc.
And once again - a positive attitude and confidence can take you far in life and in love. If you look at every woman that crosses your path and think, "She HAS to be the one! This one can't possibly reject me!" - you are setting yourself up for failure - and the kind of failure that's going to get you down. The right one will be the right one - you won't have to force things. And the wrong ones will be the wrong ones no matter what - so better to find out sooner than later.
That was the road I took for my whole adult life ... until now.
Friends first. And I took a painful rejection from each of the pools you speak of: undergrad, friends of friends, and work.
The path makes sense in theory for a guy like me, but it never worked out, and I can't let it happen again. I'm still not over the last one.
Ironically enough, I think the friends first path is better suited for good looking guys (at least in most women's eyes). Chances are, when they take the plunge at the end of the road, she'll have been have been attracted all along and been waiting for that moment.
It's a type thing. 100%. Here, Braunwyn is in agreement with me, and I'll call Ascension as incorrect on this one.
Therefore, I don't know. I've had some hits and some misses. I'm one of those people you either like, or you don't. Look how many women here don't want me as their psychologist. It would never hurt to be higher on the "scalar continuum," though, or be in that "universally liked by all" category, but I don't complain, nor do I care.
Last edited by robertpolyglot; 11-17-2012 at 10:07 PM..
Reason: It's a cryin' shame.
I think i'd rather just pay for some female attention or order a Russian bride than be lectured on the need to maintain a positive attitude after years of rejection.
That being said, you are probably right that the majority of couples meet naturally, rather than one person "approaching" the other.
If you think people offering you advice is "lecturing" - then so be it. This is why I'm curious as to hear your exact conversations with these women that reject you so cruelly. But by all means - if you think hookers and mail order brides will bring you happiness - have at it. We only have one life to live - might as well make the most of it!
Quote:
Originally Posted by jobaba
That was the road I took for my whole adult life ... until now.
Friends first. And I took a painful rejection from each of the pools you speak of: undergrad, friends of friends, and work.
The path makes sense in theory for a guy like me, but it never worked out, and I can't let it happen again. I'm still not over the last one.
Ironically enough, I think the friends first path is better suited for good looking guys (at least in most women's eyes). Chances are, when they take the plunge at the end of the road, she'll have been have been attracted all along and been waiting for that moment.
I guess I'm not even talking about being friends first. More like - instead of seeing a stranger at a bar and going over and hitting on her - maybe just going to a friend's party and mingling with the guests. When you hit on someone - you don't know anything about them and you pretty much only have one goal in mind. Because the woman knows that you only have one goal and she knows nothing about you at all - she won't feel that bad rejecting you because she doesn't know you. And there might be a ton of reasons why she doesn't want to talk to you. Maybe she sees a different guy that she's trying to get the attention of. Maybe she has a boyfriend. Maybe she doesn't like your shirt. Maybe she's shy. And on and on. But if you were at a friend's party - there isn't just one goal for talking to someone. It's natural that you would talk to a bunch of different people - so there's no pressure. So even if the girl might have rejected you in a bar - she might give you a chance in a different environment.
Am I making sense? Sometimes I don't...
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It would never hurt to be higher on the "scalar continuum," though, or be in that "universally liked by all" category, but I don't complain, nor do I care.
