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It continues to surprise me how many people just have no clue about their own attractiveness. It's not the majority, i wouldn't say, but it's a sizable minority. Two trends i notice:
Average-looking women who think they are God's Gift to men. I don't know if it's feminism or some other phenomenon, but more and more women of modest looks are extremely arrogant, demanding, picky, and superficial. As i've said in other threads, when average-looking women shoot me down, they tend to be flat-out mean. Very harsh words. Like they WANT to hurt men. Maybe i'm a scapegoat for some other man who looked her over in the past... i don't know. But they seem to go out of their way to destroy your self-esteem and make you insecure, as if they enjoy hurting you. Literally, yesterday, an average looking woman wrote me an email message response telling me in great detail what a loser she thinks i am. I really think she ENJOYED crushing my self esteem.
Also, i am noticing a number of extremely attractive women who have no idea how good looking they are. They think they are average-looking. They actually get surprised that you find them so attractive. Maybe inside, they realize they are attractive, and they are just being modest and humble. But it is surprising how many extremely attractive women seem oblivious to their ability to attract any man they want. Of course, these women are rarely single, because what guy doesn't want to be with an extremely attractive woman who is also down to earth? Whenever extremely attractive women shoot you down, they usually give you a simple "i'm taken but thanks for asking" or something else relatively polite, and move on. It still hurts, but it's not quite as scathing.
These trends apply to men as well, but in a different way. Guys going for women in different leagues. This is where you have the 350-lb old guy going for supermodels, and wondering why he is having trouble. On the flip side are very good-looking guys who go through dry spells where they can't get an average-looking woman. Most guys, even the better-looking ones, go through at least one extended dry spell over their lifetime.
So does anyone else notice these trends? A lot of people just have no perspective, for better or for worse, on their own attractiveness.
Ditch the averages and go for the extremely hot women, then.
They blame feminism because in the past men who were lacking in looks could use their paychecks to lure women. Now with women making their own money these guys realize that yes many women judge on looks or something else they don't possess and they get angry.
I think it's more that feminism took away one of our advantages. Because women have an inate biology advantage as far as sex due to more sperm, fewer eggs. So traditionally men had a financial advantage while women had a sexual advantage. Now that women are in many cases making even more money then men, the male population is really in trouble. Women can get away with being much more demanding, due to use being even financially, whereas women continue to have a huge advantage sexually.
The majority of people circle around "average" in attractiveness. In general. In practice, people have their own likes and sensibilities which can skew any average person up or down the scale.
That said, physical attraction is merely one component of overall attraction. It may play large in an initial observation, but the importance of it can slide down very fast if someone your talking to doesn't meet your other needs of attraction.
LP, don't place too much importance on mere physical appearance. Also, don't let a few jerks color your opinion of all women. Sounds like you have dealt with some cold hearted ladies, but they are not all like that!
Absolutely... not only is she not that hot, but she was a b*tch about it. She wasn't even polite.
If a gorgeous woman turned me down, and she was nice about it, it would still hurt but i'd sort of expect it. That's just life. But yea, getting shot down by a mediocre-looking woman, and so rudely! Like she really wanted to crush me. Not fun. That's the kind of stuff that can make men have negative attitudes toward women.
[LOL!!!] I've had something like that happen to me. [/LOL!!!]
Except she was ugly, not average.
I wasn't even hitting on her. She dug into me.
My mind was like ...maybe I should become a monk...
For me, this was always followed by an extremely nice (almost too nice) and extremely attractive woman, coming on strong even.
But I have been at that stage where it seemed absolutely no woman wanted me. I also had a pillsbury doughboy face and was often told that I had the face of an ape. And yes I got the dreaded "U" word from quite a few women. It didn't matter that I was 6'0, I was still undesirable. And I've seen women going crazy over men who are 5'7" or so, because they were attractive.
I used to be such a complainer, too (offline). Even the most negative poster would have sounded like polyanna compared to me.
At some point I did lose a significant amount of weight, my face got smaller, and women suddenly seemed a little more receptive.
I'll tell you one thing, if you are used to being ugly, it is going to feel like the twilight zone if somehow you become "good looking." I personally wasn't prepared for such a change in behavior.
I did get to a point where I realized (for me) that a woman would have to constantly tell me that I am valuable where it counts for me if I am not satisfied with myself. Now I try to get to the point where I am satisfied with myself, as long as I'm not a douche bag. I work to get to the best of myself, so that I can value myself (and value others).
Another thing to consider is the area that you live in. For me, I find that big and ethnically diverse cities are the best for me.
I'm not done with my improvements. If I am diligent, I can really shine at the first of next year.
Great attitude! It isn't easy, but I try to keep a positive attitude. In the last year, I've lost about 15 lbs (thank you stupid food allergies!) and two sizes from my waist. As I've had "good, child-bearing" hips since birth, this has given me some nice curves. What amazes me most when I look at pictures now, however, is how young and how carefree I look-to the point where I've had to ask others if I'm just imagining it.
Yet the confidence still isn't there. I went to an event Sunday my friend organized. There was a guy there I hadn't met before and I thought he was cute and he seemed to have a good sense of humor, which just upped his attractiveness. He was definitely more of a Jack Black than a George Clooney body-type wise. And my first thought was "Don't even think about it. He's not going to look at you twice." It was an eye opening moment that I still have some work to do on myself to exorcise the demons that come from growing up the ugly one.
Great attitude! It isn't easy, but I try to keep a positive attitude. In the last year, I've lost about 15 lbs (thank you stupid food allergies!) and two sizes from my waist. As I've had "good, child-bearing" hips since birth, this has given me some nice curves. What amazes me most when I look at pictures now, however, is how young and how carefree I look-to the point where I've had to ask others if I'm just imagining it.
Yet the confidence still isn't there. I went to an event Sunday my friend organized. There was a guy there I hadn't met before and I thought he was cute and he seemed to have a good sense of humor, which just upped his attractiveness. He was definitely more of a Jack Black than a George Clooney body-type wise. And my first thought was "Don't even think about it. He's not going to look at you twice." It was an eye opening moment that I still have some work to do on myself to exorcise the demons that come from growing up the ugly one.
I think it's more that feminism took away one of our advantages. Because women have an inate biology advantage as far as sex due to more sperm, fewer eggs. So traditionally men had a financial advantage while women had a sexual advantage. Now that women are in many cases making even more money then men, the male population is really in trouble. Women can get away with being much more demanding, due to use being even financially, whereas women continue to have a huge advantage sexually.
Well, then maybe men need to realize that women judge on many factors, like looks. Deal with the fact that women no longer need to be supported by men they can make their own money.
NW Girl, I too have those little demons. I don't think they come from a time when I was ugly in my youth, but rather from my depression, but the end result is roughly similar, and very disruptive. There's always a little voice in your head, lurking in the corners, saying things like "You're not good enough," or "She's far above you, forget about it," and other things like that. And it's not like schizophrenia where it's literally another voice, in this case it's your own voice. It's taken me years of cognitive therapy to recognize those thoughts and attempt to quash them the minute they rear their ugly head. It's still not foolproof of course, I still have bad days when the thoughts are stronger than my will, but generally speaking if you tenaciously ignore or decry those thoughts you will be more outwardly confident.
NW Girl, I too have those little demons. I don't think they come from a time when I was ugly in my youth, but rather from my depression, but the end result is roughly similar, and very disruptive. There's always a little voice in your head, lurking in the corners, saying things like "You're not good enough," or "She's far above you, forget about it," and other things like that. And it's not like schizophrenia where it's literally another voice, in this case it's your own voice. It's taken me years of cognitive therapy to recognize those thoughts and attempt to quash them the minute they rear their ugly head. It's still not foolproof of course, I still have bad days when the thoughts are stronger than my will, but generally speaking if you tenaciously ignore or decry those thoughts you will be more outwardly confident.
I've found out this is why the guy I like hasn't asked me out, he thinks I will reject him because I am attractive and he doesn't have self esteem.
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