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Be clean, smell clean, not like cologne. Get a haircut. Take care of your skin. Wear pressed clothes. Be confident, let your genuine personality show through, even if you’re different, especially if you’re different. Don’t brag. Don’t parrot or imitate, have a style. Don’t hide your accent. Love something, be interested in learning. Open your ears, listen more, talk less. Remember what’s important to other people, compliment them genuinely. Don't aim to be like anyone else, have a hero, have opinions and be prepared to stand up for yourself. Not everyone will like you, and you’re ok with that. Don’t talk negatively about women, respect your mother. Don’t judge others, you don’t know what they’ve been through.
Can I buy you a drink?
Everyone wants rather to be pleasing to women and that desire is not altogether, though it is very largely, a manifestation of vanity. But one cannot aim to be pleasing to women any more than one can aim to have taste, or beauty of expression, or happiness; for these things are not specific aims which one may learn to attain; they are descriptions of the adequacy of one's living. To try to be happy is to try to build a machine with no other specification than that it shall run noiselessly.
Be clean, smell clean, not like cologne. Get a haircut. Take care of your skin. Wear pressed clothes. Be confident, let your genuine personality show through, even if you’re different, especially if you’re different. Don’t brag. Don’t parrot or imitate, have a style. Don’t hide your accent. Love something, be interested in learning. Open your ears, listen more, talk less. Remember what’s important to other people, compliment them genuinely. Don't aim to be like anyone else, have a hero, have opinions and be prepared to stand up for yourself. Not everyone will like you, and you’re ok with that. Don’t talk negatively about women, respect your mother. Don’t judge others, you don’t know what they’ve been through.
Can I buy you a drink?
Consider for example Mick Jagger. I mean, even when he was younger, I sort of doubt he was most ladies' idea of a "beautiful hunk of a guy" - at least physically - But he took what he was given by genetics and ran with it, and I think most would agree he did OK on many levels.
Some other important points RbccL brought up here is to be focused on your date or potential date, pay attention to her, don't "live inside your own head" while interacting, even if you habitually do live inside your own head a lot of the time. This is a skill you can learn, if it does not come naturally to you. And don't bad-mouth any woman while you are talking with a gal you don't already know very well. Save that for later. And, particularly if you are rather introverted, don't talk too much, don't say all you think. Be a bit mysterious. Silence is a statement, and sometimes it's the best statement you can make.
Final point. The dating world is a sales game, just like getting a job is a sales game. You are selling yourself. And if you are not an Average Joe kind of guy, probably most potential "buyers" are not looking for a guy like you. You may change a few minds, but, mostly, just get some low pressure exposure, realizing that you will have to make several presentations before you find a taker. An analogy would be if you are selling Porsche or Jeep, you realize that most buyers are looking for something more like a Camry, and you make peace with that, and go about finding the people who are interested in what you are selling.
For an example of the above, although now I am past the "have kids" age, I'm child-free, and about 80% of women are not. Unfortunately they don't generally wear hats or other recognizable insignia, so you have to on average sort through 9 individuals before you find a match. But, hey, enjoy the hunt, or learn to enjoy the hunt, without concentrating on "bagging" anybody. Learn to reject or be rejected gracefully, keep the interaction as positive as you can, because although Suzy may not want to date you, she may know someone who does.
Consider for example Mick Jagger. I mean, even when he was younger, I sort of doubt he was most ladies' idea of a "beautiful hunk of a guy" - at least physically - But he took what he was given by genetics and ran with it, and I think most would agree he did OK on many levels.
Some other important points RbccL brought up here is to be focused on your date or potential date, pay attention to her, don't "live inside your own head" while interacting, even if you habitually do live inside your own head a lot of the time. This is a skill you can learn, if it does not come naturally to you. And don't bad-mouth any woman while you are talking with a gal you don't already know very well. Save that for later. And, particularly if you are rather introverted, don't talk too much, don't say all you think. Be a bit mysterious. Silence is a statement, and sometimes it's the best statement you can make.
Final point. The dating world is a sales game, just like getting a job is a sales game. You are selling yourself. And if you are not an Average Joe kind of guy, probably most potential "buyers" are not looking for a guy like you. You may change a few minds, but, mostly, just get some low pressure exposure, realizing that you will have to make several presentations before you find a taker. An analogy would be if you are selling Porsche or Jeep, you realize that most buyers are looking for something more like a Camry, and you make peace with that, and go about finding the people who are interested in what you are selling.
For an example of the above, although now I am past the "have kids" age, I'm child-free, and about 80% of women are not. Unfortunately they don't generally wear hats or other recognizable insignia, so you have to on average sort through 9 individuals before you find a match. But, hey, enjoy the hunt, or learn to enjoy the hunt, without concentrating on "bagging" anybody. Learn to reject or be rejected gracefully, keep the interaction as positive as you can, because although Suzy may not want to date you, she may know someone who does.
I have seen my share of completely physically mismatched couples in the looks department. I have seen wives or girlfriends of men that looked like George Costanza (Seinfeld). I couldn't figure out how a guy with a beer gut or gut could attract a fit woman.
So I've come to the conclusion that these kinds of women reached a turning point in their lives where they got sick of attractive men...and went with a normal, average to not so great looking guy and just prioritize for personality than looks.
Some have been about personality from the beginning though as the only luck I had at ever getting a woman interested is me is finding a woman that have admittedly told me that they don't care about looks. If you get THAT kind of woman, you can hang up the fashion advice and being "swoled"
Women are NOT attracted to power or money. Not in the least. However, women are attracted to the behavior that men who do have power and money often display. What this means, is that neither power or money are necessary to attract women. All that is needed, is a certain type of behavior being displayed. Thats all. And dont worry about Ruth, she thinks that "nice guys" are the most succesful group of guys when it comes to the opposite sex. She means well, but her ideas are out of this world and completely out of touch with reality. She lives on planet denial
Yeah, sure, women are not attracted to power & money. That's why when I first got on a dating site and listed my income as, "I'd rather not say", I got 3 or 4 contacts per day, but when I changed my answer to "$150,000+", which was the highest I could put it on that site, I got 83 contacts in one day!
I think this thread will harken back to the "women aren't attracted to men" thread.
Take a nice bodied gal, give her really nice hair, and throw her on the street with some CLASSY sexy clothes, maybe a nice DKNY top and tight Guess jeans and lots of guys will stare without even having seen her face. HAIR and BODY means so much for women.
I always get compliments on my hair. Stylists always tell me other guys would "kill for my hair". Everyone has told me I have nice hair. I also have a nice body. People have told me that. Although I haven't been going to the gym lately.
I dress well: DKNY, Diesel, Club Monaco, some vintage clothes thrown in.
I get no attention from women and face rejection all the time.
Whoa, 7 years ago.
I think I've had 2 girlfriends since then.
I will say my answer has not changed much though.
There's a certain segment of guys that just aren't physically attractive (in that right off the bat way) to most women. To be fair, there's a segment of women who fall in that camp too, but it's a much smaller %. Most women can attract a fairly significant number of men in that 'right off the bat' way.
I think something can be said for style, like if you're totally hip-hop or hipster that can help, though it never did for me.
Other than that, my answer would be just to stay in shape and cross your fingers, and hope you run across a woman who will date you in spite of you not being 'THAT type of attractive' to her off the bat. There's also women who don't care that much about looks. Which is not say they would date 'anybody' but as long as you looked OK, that's be fine. Rarer, but they exist.
Going to lengths such as working out, bodybuilding and 'getting ripped' that I've seen are just a terrible, terrible idea. It would take years upon years of working out to make a difference visually and even then it would be of minimal help for attraction.
I will say that when you're 23 years old, not being called hot and not being called cute by any members of the opposite sex when your friends are, seems like a reason to commit suicide, but when you're 50? Meh
At least for many it happens that way.
There are people who are older who still tie their self-esteem greatly to their attractiveness (or at least how society judges their attractiveness).
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