CD Peeps: Do you feel as if you'll ALWAYS be single? (men, ugly)
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If you're a guy who's not naturally attractive to women, then it requires a lot of time and effort to get a girlfriend. For me to possibly be attractive I have to find the perfect haircut to frame my face, find the clothes that look best on me, keep my complexion perfect by cleansing my pores out in the sauna for 1 hr everyday, etcetera. Still, I will not be attractive to a lot of women because I'm only 5'7". Is it worth all the effort to try and find a girlfriend? I dunno.
So...it's a lot like being a woman? I have to keep my hair 'naturally' pretty with the right color/cut (which, incidentally costs a TON more money than a guys haircut) and it takes me around 2 hours from shower to being finished to do my hair correctly, I have to wear makeup (which is expensive) and maintain that makeup because heaven forbid a guy see my 'natural' face and think I'm plain or unattractive. However, my makeup has to look natural and like I'm not wearing any at all. Because of that makeup, I then have to spend money on facial treatments, lotions, scrubs etc. to counter the junk I put on my face. Then, you account for hormone fluctuations because of my menstrual cycle which can cause breakouts not only on my face, but on my back and chest as well. There is NOTHING most women can do about that, but they're still judged hugely for it. I'm also expected to be completely hairless from my neck down which is both time consuming and sometimes painful. I have to spend money on clothing and wear oftentimes uncomfortable and expensive undergarments just to be considered decent enough to be seen in public. Do I have to do all of this? Nope, and most of the time I don't...but I also know it hurts my chances of being seen as attractive to the opposite sex and can even hurt my job prospects or how I'm treated by the general public.
Still, I will not be attractive to most men because I'm 6'1 and not stick thin.
Women have been doing all of what you said and more for a very long time. Forgive me if I don't feel all that sorry for you.
Women have been doing all of what you said and more for a very long time. Forgive me if I don't feel all that sorry for you.
I wasn't asking you to be sorry for me. It seems that we're in similar situations, having to devote a lot of effort to appealing to the opposite sex. I'm just bringing up the fact that I sometimes question whether it's worth it. Don't you ever question whether it's worth it?
I wasn't asking you to be sorry for me. It seems that we're in similar situations, having to devote a lot of effort to appealing to the opposite sex. I'm just bringing up the fact that I sometimes question whether it's worth it. Don't you ever question whether it's worth it?
It's not worth it, which is why I only do those things when I want to.
Besides, the stuff you listed is basic grooming and I'd love to have my hair cut short, not have to do anything with it and only worry about washing my face and shaving it. That would be amazing compared to all the crap I'm 'expected' to do just to remain acceptable in public.
I sometimes wonder if I will be single the rest of my life.
My case is a little different. I am not really pretty, but I am decent looking enough that men will approach me. Plus I am easy to approach because tend to be very friendly and smile a lot. And I genuinely like everyone and am interested in them when I first meet them (you kind of have to make me dislike you).
But I am a divorced single mom. When it comes to serious relationships, beyond flirting or a first date, things fizzle out for me. I can usually "feel" the date fizzle when we start talking about our kids. Most single men my age (or older than me) have children too, but they are much older children (my Ex and I had our child later). I can see and understand why a man might not be interested in me, I can't be spontaneous. I have to get a sitter. I have to plan everything. And if things really do become serious he would have to consider having a child around after his kids have left the nest.
Don't get me wrong, I don't think every date has been a failure due to me having a child. I am sure I just wasn't the right type for some men... or maybe they found someone better, etc. But it does seem to be the overarching factor just based on the reaction I get. It's not that I have a child (like I said, most men I've dated are fathers). It's just that my child is so young for someone my age.
In a lot of ways, child-wise, I would be a better match for a younger man. But most men tend to look for their age or younger.
It gives me a very small pool of men that might be potential relationships. And in a lot of ways, it stinks for me. But I can see it from a man's point of view. After he's raised his kids and is now finally able to live a more free and spontaneous life (or that life is a few years withing reach), why tie himself down to a woman who can't? Especially when at 35 years + men have the advantage as far as dating numbers go (meaning a man has a bigger pool of potential dates to draw from). What I need to find is that rare gem of a man who is interested in me, a match for me (and vice versa) who also either has children my child's age or it isn't an issue for him or he's so interested in me he's willing to make an exception.
While I don't like the idea of being single the rest of my life, I am okay with it. I have a big family and plenty of friends. I have goals for my life that don't require a mate (although it would be nice to share my life with someone). I guess what I am saying is my life is good and I am happy. Having a man to share it with would be icing on the cake (and icing is my favorite part ) but even without icing, hey, it's still a yummy cake!
Last edited by jillabean; 08-20-2013 at 08:18 AM..
I'm very content with my life as a single person. Sex is the only missing component, but I have a situation brewing that could turn into a long-term FWB type of thing. So that may not be a problem for a while.
Don't get me wrong - I totally love the feeling of being part of a couple. It's great to know someone has your back. But I've been in situations that have been pretty dire and no one has been there to help me - and I've come through ok. Being part of a couple is not necessary for my survival or my happiness.
I will probably always be single just because my motivation to build a relationship is low. I have a house with an affordable mortgage that I can sell at a profit if I need to, a decent job (and other prospects of work if I ever should lose that job), decent credit rating, awesome friends, loving family (that lives at a nice distance), cool pets, etc.
The things that cause me angst are not relationship-related - my perpetual disorganization is a source of constant stress and anxiety, my house needs lots of maintenance, I need a new truck, etc.
If you're a guy who's not naturally attractive to women, then it requires a lot of time and effort to get a girlfriend. For me to possibly be attractive I have to find the perfect haircut to frame my face, find the clothes that look best on me, keep my complexion perfect by cleansing my pores out in the sauna for 1 hr everyday, etcetera. Still, I will not be attractive to a lot of women because I'm only 5'7". Is it worth all the effort to try and find a girlfriend? I dunno.
What? I know a guy 4 inches shorter than you that has no problem dating.
Well that stinks. I can't imagine that all the men there suck just because you don't like the city, though.
I didn't say that. I said they suck because they do. Many other single women my age in DFW agree. This is a crappy town to be a single woman in your late 30s. The available men our age are re-treads with kid/ex-wife drama or are suffering from a severe case of Peter Pan syndrome. Or they have some other dealbreaker aspect (lives with parents, suffers from a mental illness, etc) to them.
Because most men at best are immature game-players, at worst lower than pond scum.
Quote:
Originally Posted by RockJock1729
Ouch! Not all of us play games, thank you.
Well, from what I have seen, what BigDGeek says is completely accurate. I have yet to run into a male that isn't out for one thing, has no means of income at all or can't get past the fact I'm not friggin' Jessica Alba.
As for the original question, it ties in with what I said above...even after losing 40 lbs, I've now come to the conclusion that I'm just to Plain Jane or ugly because my body is not longer a problem. So yes, I feel that I will always be single.
I have many insecurities.
Some might say those are my obstacles,
though I feel that the less-than-appealing things
are what make it difficult for me to acquire and maintain a love life,
rather than the insecurities about such things.
Probably is some mix of both: the problems I have,
and how crummy I feel about those problems.
OP doesn't make clear whether single means unmarried or uncoupled.
I doubt I'll ever remarry, though I don't rule it out on principle or anything.
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) but even without icing, hey, it's still a yummy cake! 
