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So you ask friends only? So you don't trap them in the friend zone then?
She didn't say she asked friends; she asks men she knows. I said something similar in a previous post. The men I've asked out I'd seen around, I'd spoken to, we had a rapport, etc. We weren't friends.
How prehistoric. I suppose you think that the woman's place is in the home and is incapable of making actionable decisions for herself and is equally incapable of making concrete plans with men they desire. Things like taking initiative, thinking for herself?
Your idea that women should not initiate date or ask men out or "take the final step" should be offensive to those championing equality, because it implies that women are submissive and live for the sake of men; like symbiotic beings who cannot think for themselves and merely are merely reactive, instead of proactive with their own thoughts, ideas, desires, etc. No one should be ashamed in going after what they want and initiating first whether for dating, sex, or anything else; man or woman.
Ah so this is the real issue, projection onto an entire gender. I pity anyone who whimpers in fear of rejection so much irrespective of their gender that they cannot make actionable plans on their own and decide to merely be reactionaries.
Well alrighty then. You totally got me pegged. I think a man should do the asking out because I'm helpless. Let those who are "championing equality" be offended. I don't date women and could care less if they're offended simply because I want a guy to do the asking out. It does not matter if they differ in view from my own because we're not "competing" for the same type of man.
I have indeed asked men out, but not strangers as someone has previously noted in their own scenario. It doesn't work out. It never has. I ask him out, I pay, and it sets the tone of the relationship. I've been through it a number of times, and I've decided that I won't go through it again. I'm tired of it. I will not financially support a man, and I will not respect a man who can't carry his own weight. I'm tired of guys who instead wait for a female like myself to come along so he can continue to live his single life while I fund things such as the home and car. And I'm tired of males who are using the feminist movement as an excuse to be a bum.
Too often, men on this forum think that if a female poster is educated, makes a decent living and is otherwise "equal" to men, then that's how she wants her romantic relationships to be and that's what she wants in a partnership. Or rather, too often I'm seeing that some men on this forum are demanding that she do the same exact thing a man would do.
No. I won't. I'm a female, I like being a female, and I have no interest in pretending to be a male for the sake of a twisted vision of "equality". I am getting extremely tired of saying that equal does not mean same to the same people in this forum.
And as for you. You've just projected all of feminism onto me in an effort to shame me into complying with your version of gender roles. Pot meet kettle.
Well alrighty then. You totally got me pegged. I think a man should do the asking out because I'm helpless. Let those who are "championing equality" be offended. I don't date women and could care less if they're offended simply because I want a guy to do the asking out. It does not matter if they differ in view from my own because we're not "competing" for the same type of man.
I have indeed asked men out, but not strangers as someone has previously noted in their own scenario. It doesn't work out. It never has. I ask him out, I pay, and it sets the tone of the relationship. I've been through it a number of times, and I've decided that I won't go through it again. I'm tired of it. I will not financially support a man, and I will not respect a man who can't carry his own weight. I'm tired of guys who instead wait for a female like myself to come along so he can continue to live his single life while I fund things such as the home and car. And I'm tired of males who are using the feminist movement as an excuse to be a bum.
Too often, men on this forum think that if a female poster is educated, makes a decent living and is otherwise "equal" to men, then that's how she wants her romantic relationships to be and that's what she wants in a partnership. Or rather, too often I'm seeing that some men on this forum are demanding that she do the same exact thing a man would do.
No. I won't. I'm a female, I like being a female, and I have no interest in pretending to be a male for the sake of a twisted vision of "equality". I am getting extremely tired of saying that equal does not mean same to the same people in this forum.
And as for you. You've just projected all of feminism onto me in an effort to shame me into complying with your version of gender roles. Pot meet kettle.
Sounds like you have chose some pretty crappy men to date. If you have willingly funded a home and a car, you're a sucker. This reminds me of men who complain about gold diggers taking everything they have. You can choose not to date these people. Also, I'm surprised not one man you have ever asked out on a date (I'm assuming you've been on a bazillion dates with how "tired" you are of bum men when you pay for their dinners) ever resulted in a second date or a fun period of dating. Your dating pool must really suck.
It's okay you want the "traditional" female relationship, for what it's worth. I don't judge anyone who believes the man should pay for everything, but they need to be prepared to attract a certain type of man, which is fine if you want the traditional female role. I really hope you find yourself a good partner.
This has been the subject of too many WSO posts. Anyway, I blame the guy if he thinks that he deserves sex just because he buys her stuff.
I agree. Yes, there is no obligation to have sex just because someone bought you lunch or dinner. Just to save herself the grief of continued attempts I suggested maybe saying it up front. Most guys should accept a firm "No" for sex on the first date. I guess she has run into the other types lately.
Sounds like you have chose some pretty crappy men to date. If you have willingly funded a home and a car, you're a sucker. This reminds me of men who complain about gold diggers taking everything they have. You can choose not to date these people. Also, I'm surprised not one man you have ever asked out on a date (I'm assuming you've been on a bazillion dates with how "tired" you are of bum men when you pay for their dinners) ever resulted in a second date or a fun period of dating. Your dating pool must really suck.
It's okay you want the "traditional" female relationship, for what it's worth. I don't judge anyone who believes the man should pay for everything, but they need to be prepared to attract a certain type of man, which is fine if you want the traditional female role. I really hope you find yourself a good partner.
Who said anything about a "bazillion" dates or that my paying for the first date never resulted in a second date? I said it set the tone of the relationship. Did I say a man needs to pay for everything? I don't think I said that. I think I said I will not financially support a man.
And no. You don't hope I find myself a good partner. What you hope is that you get is a boost in morale. And seeing how it appears that the numbers are on your side in this forum, you feel secure in taking a jab. Mission accomplished. Tempered by a "I don't judge" comment of course just in case someone out there in CD is offended by your statement. Well done indeed.
There's such a thing as silent majority. That's how the idea of feminism got so twisted. That's why racism is so prevalent. And it's why I am so vocal on threads like these.
And also, because this forum drives me bonkers with the same people posting the same things over and over and over again, not realizing they are an insane subsection of a subsection of a subsection, and do not represent reality. And sometimes I pop on just to take the hits because I know there are a large number of people who read, but don't post, and they find themselves wondering if this forum is the new reality.
Women do ask men out, when they're motivated to do so.
And that motivation is typically; cha-ching!
Seriously though, I have never seen or heard of an adult woman (early 20s and up) actually ask a man out.
I have seen many women flirt with the guy, hoping to get to guy to be interested enough to ask them out. I have seen them ask the man to a social event or offer to do something seemingly social or friendly, hoping to move things to a more intimate level, naturally. I have seen women toss themselves at a man, in a very seductive, "do-me-now" kinda way.
I've personally experienced all of the above scenarios, but, I have never ever seen or heard a woman ask a man out.
Heck, I have seen a woman ask another woman out but never a man.
If that sh.t actually happened, it must have taken place in a dark back alley when it is full moon or something. I am more likely to believe the existence of Bigfoot before I believe the existence of woman asking man out, especially here, in So Cal!
I believe, women, on an average, have lower self-esteem than men.
So, I have to agree with Frog_Prince, I feel women would handle rejection worse than men.
I have never thought it was a good idea because I have always believed that I was not the type of man women would want approaching them.
Dont ever say that about yourself. You are a man and you have every right to approach any woman that you want to date as long as the time, place and circumstances are appropriate. If you're physically unattractive then you should probably approach women that are at or near your level of physical attractiveness but what I said goes. Make sure you hit the mouth wash and maybe use a scented body wash, then pull your ego up out of your shoes and go for it.
Who said anything about a "bazillion" dates or that my paying for the first date never resulted in a second date? I said it set the tone of the relationship. Did I say a man needs to pay for everything? I don't think I said that. I think I said I will not financially support a man.
And no. You don't hope I find myself a good partner. What you hope is that you get is a boost in morale. And seeing how it appears that the numbers are on your side in this forum, you feel secure in taking a jab. Mission accomplished. Tempered by a "I don't judge" comment of course just in case someone out there in CD is offended by your statement. Well done indeed.
There's such a thing as silent majority. That's how the idea of feminism got so twisted. That's why racism is so prevalent. And it's why I am so vocal on threads like these.
And also, because this forum drives me bonkers with the same people posting the same things over and over and over again, not realizing they are an insane subsection of a subsection of a subsection, and do not represent reality. And sometimes I pop on just to take the hits because I know there are a large number of people who read, but don't post, and they find themselves wondering if this forum is the new reality.
It's not.
I'm sorry you took my post out of context, and I really do wish happiness for everyone. My mother is a traditional dater, I love her to pieces. Several of my friends are traditional daters and I love them to pieces. I'm really not against you. It really is unfortunate you've dated a lot of men who took advantage of you. I've dated lots of crappy men myself. I don't judge you truthfully because what works for me and what I am looking to get out of things is not the same thing you want. This is no different than you and I choosing different professions, different friends, or playing different sports.
I don't really see how posting that message to you would give me a morale boost, because I wasn't in any way boasting about myself or saying I was better than you, or looking for you to agree with it. I was just pointing out my observation based on your statements that you have dated crappy men, and I find it odd you couldn't find at least one who respected you paying for a date.
I really am a true feminist in that I believe everyone has a right to choose what they want out of life and partners. It doesn't matter whether you see me as being truthful or not, but I hope you can find someone to fulfill you as much as anyone else posting here.
I don't feel shut down nor do I feel I have a wall up. I just don't go around grinning all the time. I was taught that grinning too much is a ticket to the funny farm.
"When the odds are saying you'll never win / that's when the grin should start"
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Anyway, I blame the guy if he thinks that he deserves sex just because he buys her stuff.
