Why don't women ask men out? (lover, kids, definition, good looking)
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I hate perfume at the gym, but I think a lot of people just think this helps them not smell bad. A lot of women "look around a lot" probably because they are nervous or bored. 5lb weights, maybe they have limitations or don't know how to exercise or are just starting because they are going light. I don't see many women with stomachs showing, but I personally wear a sports bra when jogging outside because it's more comfortable for me.
I wear spandex capris because it's easier for me to do squats, lunges, etc. I assure you it is not to impress men. A lot of what women wear is actually not to impress men. I can't think of a time recently where I said "I'm going to make myself look hot to men in this outfit", especially at the gym.
I think picking the gym as a place to use as to how women hate getting hit on is kind of a bad choice. A lot of people are uncomfortable at the gym as it is. You're sweaty, you might not be having fun, you might fear you don't look great, etc. I personally use the gym as my "me" time and not as my social time. I think this is why you get so many women who hate getting hit on there.
If a woman didn't care for getting attention then why would she be wearing perfume; tight clothes; revealing clothes; small amounts of weights; etc?
In my 7 years of going to the gym, maybe 1% of guys had cologne. A good 20% of guys were wearing rags (e.g. old but clean gym shorts/shirts). Guys go to the gym to workout and not hit on women.
Another 10% actually smelled. But they didn't care. It's to actually workout, not impress anyone.
And really? If spandex capri was easier to do squats in, then why aren't most guys wearing those? When squatting 345 LBS or deadlifting 385, every little thing matters. Chalk, wrist bands, belt, pre workout drink, etc. yet I don't see guys wearing any tight spandex to perform squats better.
I understand this concept. The problem for me is that up until about 26/27 years of age I had a friend women threw themselves at while completely ignoring me. One night after hanging with him at a local beach bar I went out on the beach, sat down, and did some thinking. I came to the realization that while he was the type of guy women wanted I had to be the direct opposite. The type of guy women didn't and would never want. Thus is the reason I believe (assume?) That I would offend women if I approached them. Not simply approach anxiety.
Plenty of women have never thrown themselves at men (at a bar or anywhere else,) but it doesn't mean that they don't want to meet a decent guy.
Plenty of women have never thrown themselves at men (at a bar or anywhere else,) but it doesn't mean that they don't want to meet a decent guy.
Except that being hot and having money usually trump being a decent guy. In face, decent guys who are not hot and who don't have money generally get unnoticed and ignored and dismissed.
Except that being hot and having money usually trump being a decent guy. In face, decent guys who are not hot and who don't have money generally get unnoticed and ignored and dismissed.
??? WTF? On the street, in a bar, at the supermarket, women don't care whether you're a decent guy but they care a lot whether you are hot.
I think this is where some of the confusion kicks in. Women looking to just hook up and use a man don't care if he's a decent guy... but women who actually want a relationship do care. I think the same goes for men too. If they just want to have casual sex, they don't give a hoot about a woman's personality. But if they are thinking of spending a lot of time with her, getting into a LTR, then they do.
I see that a lot here, people confuse hooking up and having sex with real relationships. People in both cases look for different things.
I think this is where some of the confusion kicks in. Women looking to just hook up and use a man don't care if he's a decent guy... but women who actually want a relationship do care. I think the same goes for men too. If they just want to have casual sex, they don't give a hoot about a woman's personality. But if they are thinking of spending a lot of time with her, getting into a LTR, then they do.
I see that a lot here, people confuse hooking up and having sex with real relationships. People in both cases look for different things.
Then there is also the reality that men looking for casual sex don't much care whether a woman is hot (you know the sad cliches), but women looking for casual sex care very much whether a man is hot. There's just a lot of asymmetry there.
That's called pea-cocking. I don't pea-****, instead I lift weights and wear stuff that accentuates my muscles. I'm not super muscular and I am chubby but I don't pea-****. Here is a video of that same guy working with a tough, tough, "target." He picks her up in the end.
Now, if you don't get what is going on in the video. She has a very, very strong ***** shield up and she uses what are called **** tests to break his frame. In the pick up world she is just testing him and it's not personal. She calls him out on the pea-cocking but notice how it gets a conversation going. Note, she is an extreme case and real life it's never this tough.
This video, like any other movie, is staged and the people in it merely actors.
The issue at hand is that women want guys to approach by giving them cues....fair enough.
Then why do many women complain about getting approached so much?
Simple search of getting approached at the gym:
Now, there are probably a fair amount of women going to the gym who WANT to get hit on...wearing lots of perfume, very tight gym clothes, revealing stomach, doing 5lb weight and looking around all the time, etc. But from my 7 years of going to the gym, almost no guy will approach any woman because everyone knows the gym is the place to work out and not to approach women. Of course, this has been ruined by the select few who dislike being approached.
Same with bookstore or shopping. I don't go shopping to approach women. I go there to do my thing and get out. I bet alot of women are looking to get approached at the grocery store, but I would guess it is very rare incidents today.
Plus guys have to deal with things like sexual harassment laws...e.g. staring at a woman's legs = sexual harassment. Or saying, "wow did you see X today? She was hot!" = sexual harassment if a girl overhears you talking to the guys.
Because of these things in society, guys today approach less than guys 50 years ago.
50 years ago, it is ok to talk to a random child you don't know. Today, if a guy did that, you are a pedophile.
50 years ago, it is ok to talk to random women walking down the street. Today, if you did that, you would be labeled a creep.
This is just how society is.
I think a lot of us can relate, especially on the harrassment, but in fairness there are some places where an approach is more doable. I struck up a brief, friendly conversation in a grocery store cashier line with the woman in front of me who had bought a few of the same items as me. Used that as the icebreaker. In the grocery store aisles, it is less common these days. The cashier line on occasion. Some coffee shops, Starbucks, etc, are places where it might happen. Not for most people though.
Your last sentence about talking to random women or other people on the street is true. It used to be considered creepy to NOT talk to them as I remember back in the 70's and 80's. You were strange if you never said anything to them then. These are generalities and will vary from place to place, though.
The "being hit on" remarks are ridiculous just because someone said "Hello".
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