Why don't women ask men out? (wife, movies, problems, reasons)
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Then there is also the reality that men looking for casual sex don't much care whether a woman is hot (you know the sad cliches), but women looking for casual sex care very much whether a man is hot. There's just a lot of asymmetry there.
True, true. Basically, people don't care about standards if they see you as disposable.
I think women can be picky about looks because more men than women are looking for casual sex. It boils down to supply and demand again. Less women are interested in casual sex because women take more risk and the consequences are higher (of physical violence, pregnancy, and women catch STDs more easily then men due to biology) not to mention that there is no guarantee you will even orgasm. And with casual sex and are judged more harshly for casual sex (the "****" moniker). So more women avoid it more than men.
Terri Conely of the University of Michigan did a study where men and women were approached with a sexual proposal... 73% of men said yes to the causal sex, and 40% of the women did. It was a redo of a study done in the 1980s where a good looking member of the opposite sex approached both men and women for casual sex... back then most of the men said yes to it, none of the women said yes. So times are a changin' but men still lead in wanting casual sex. Here's the abstract: http://psycnet.apa.org/index.cfm?fa=...2010-25701-001
So look at it this way. If more women outnumbered men wanting casual sex, chances are the men would go for the hotter women first, right? If you wanted into a bar full of people that all wanted casual sex and the women outnumbered the men 2:1, you can bet the "Hot" women would get "picked" first. It's the same with women picking the men.
But throw casual sex out the window, and I think women look for different things in a man. Looks are still important, but they take a backseat to personality, humor, confidence, ambition, traits that would make him a good father (if you she wants to have kids), etc, and other traits because you want a full partner and friend as well as lover, not just a disposable sex toy.
EDIT: And this is where I am coming from in a lot of my posts about "looks not mattering as much." I forget that other women look for casual sex (I don't). So I see it though the lens of someone looking for a partner.
Last edited by jillabean; 03-06-2014 at 10:43 AM..
True, true. Basically, people don't care about standards if they see you as disposable.
I think women can be picky about looks because more men than women are looking for casual sex. It boils down to supply and demand again. Less women are interested in casual sex because women take more risk and the consequences are higher (of physical violence, pregnancy, and women catch STDs more easily then men due to biology) not to mention that there is no guarantee you will even orgasm. And with casual sex and are judged more harshly for casual sex (the "****" moniker). So more women avoid it more than men.
Terri Conely of the University of Michigan did a study where men and women were approached with a sexual proposal... 73% of men said yes to the causal sex, and 40% of the women did. It was a redo of a study done in the 1980s where a good looking member of the opposite sex approached both men and women for casual sex... back then most of the men said yes to it, none of the women said yes. So times are a changin' but men still lead in wanting casual sex. Here's the abstract: http://psycnet.apa.org/index.cfm?fa=...2010-25701-001
So look at it this way. If more women outnumbered men wanting casual sex, chances are the men would go for the hotter women first, right? If you wanted into a bar full of people that all wanted casual sex and the women outnumbered the men 2:1, you can bet the "Hot" women would get "picked" first. It's the same with women picking the men.
But throw casual sex out the window, and I think women look for different things in a man. Looks are still important, but they take a backseat to personality, humor, confidence, ambition, traits that would make him a good father (if you she wants to have kids), etc, and other traits because you want a full partner and friend as well as lover, not just a disposable sex toy.
EDIT: And this is where I am coming from in a lot of my posts about "looks not mattering as much." I forget that other women look for casual sex (I don't). So I see it though the lens of someone looking for a partner.
Women need a reason, i.e. a "story". I just approach the issue as if I was writing a romance novel how would I pop the question and/or what would I use as a prelude.
I understand this concept. The problem for me is that up until about 26/27 years of age I had a friend women threw themselves at while completely ignoring me. One night after hanging with him at a local beach bar I went out on the beach, sat down, and did some thinking. I came to the realization that while he was the type of guy women wanted I had to be the direct opposite. The type of guy women didn't and would never want. Thus is the reason I believe (assume?) That I would offend women if I approached them. Not simply approach anxiety.
Quote:
Originally Posted by jma501
This is true however I never believed they would want to meet ME.
If you concluded from your experience with your friend that women, typically, preferred him over you, you're probably right. Your conclusion that you're the opposite doesn't follow, though. If your being fairly objective about his easy time with women, that means he's exceptionally attractive and his experience is out of the ordinary. You do realize that, right? If you're silly enough to compare yourself to someone (I kid, I do this too often myself) don't pick that guy.
By definition, most men are not that guy and most women are not that woman, and yet we find each other and have sex and relationships. That's what usually happens, unless you decide it can't.
Less women are interested in casual sex because women take more risk and the consequences are higher (of physical violence, pregnancy, and women catch STDs more easily then men due to biology).
Your reasoning doesn't make sense. If women feared violence in casual sex, then why are they more likely to sleep with a tall, muscular, good looking guy rather than a short thin guy?
The short thin guy is much less likely to hurt her than the tall muscular guy.
Also since tall muscular good looking guys are more likely to sleep around....aren't they more likely to have STDs?
If you concluded from your experience with your friend that women, typically, preferred him over you, you're probably right. Your conclusion that you're the opposite doesn't follow, though. If your being fairly objective about his easy time with women, that means he's exceptionally attractive and his experience is out of the ordinary. You do realize that, right? If you're silly enough to compare yourself to someone (I kid, I do this too often myself) don't pick that guy.
By definition, most men are not that guy and most women are not that woman, and yet we find each other and have sex and relationships. That's what usually happens, unless you decide it can't.
Which is what I decided back then and why I have felt like I did and do. Understand that I do not blame women for this nor am I bitter. I have had a few good women friends over the years to be angry or bitter with them.
Your reasoning doesn't make sense. If women feared violence in casual sex, then why are they more likely to sleep with a tall, muscular, good looking guy rather than a short thin guy?
The short thin guy is much less likely to hurt her than the tall muscular guy.
Also since tall muscular good looking guys are more likely to sleep around....aren't they more likely to have STDs?
Sure it does... the ones who fear this stuff DON'T have causal sex at all--with either the muscular guy or the scrawny guy. The ones that don't fear this stuff DO have casual sex--and since they don't fear it, they go for whatever man they like.
My point was, more women worry about that stuff in general and are less likely to have casual sex. And since (if you believe the numbers) more men want to have casual sex than women, women can pick and choose who they have casual sex with. The numbers are uneven. More men want it than women... so women have more choice in the matter.
By the way, this is all just my conjecture based on the numbers. It seems to make sense to me though: the whole supply and demand argument.
Your reasoning doesn't make sense. If women feared violence in casual sex, then why are they more likely to sleep with a tall, muscular, good looking guy rather than a short thin guy?
The short thin guy is much less likely to hurt her than the tall muscular guy.
Also since tall muscular good looking guys are more likely to sleep around....aren't they more likely to have STDs?
Maybe because most guys are tall and at least somewhat muscular? Or just tall? Or if shorter, some are bulky. MOST guys would be deemed potentially unsafe by your standards. In fact, ALL guys, because even short thin ones are stronger than most women.
This is why many women take their time to evaluate a guy. That, and they're trying to judge whether he'd be a selfish lover, vs. being into her enough that he'd care about meeting her needs.
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