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So, imagine making it to 40 years old, and never having a woman express interest in you. So, if you don't want to live your life a virgin, you are going to have to be proactive and ask them out.
No, just, no. If you get to 40 and you're still a virgin, it's not because you haven't asked anyone out, it's because you're retarded.
Originally Posted by NilaJones It is a very strange phenomenon, isn't it?
It's interesting, also, that women so readily accept/assume/tell each other that, if they are not finding a compatible guy, it's because they need to fix themselves.
It might be good to set aside one month a year, kind of like NaNoWriMo, where we swap these 'solutions'. For one month, men work on themselves and women broaden their pools.
Quote:
Originally Posted by JJS99
It's not a good idea to beat yourself up over rejection.
I can tell you a little bit of what I've thought about when I've gotten rejected by certain woman.
-Damn, if I were funnier she'd have liked me (Have gone on to watch comedians and try and mimic comedy)
-Damn, if I were more intelligent, she'd have liked me (Gone on to try and immerse myself more in current events, politics, and art/culture)
-Damn, if I were more educated and intelligent, she'd have liked me (Actually, got a full fledged degree, partly because I thought it would make me more successful and appealing to women).
-Etc, etc
This is no way to live life. On a constant struggle to improve yourself so that others accept you. My way of living life is to be more forgiving to others, whether it be for platonic or romantic relationships.
Maybe that means I'll die alone. So be it.
I agree. It is how women are taught to live every day of their lives, though.
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I think the healthy thing, for everyone, men and women, is to have a balance:
Never beat yourself up.
Do look at things that might make you unattractive and what you can do to fix them that would be fun or at least not a hassle.
Do look at whether you are too picky, or have arbitrary standards, but don't settle for someone you will not be truly happy with.
Do expand your 'pool' by putting yourself in situations where you will meet new people.
Don't expect that more that one out of a hundred new people you meet will meet your requirements. If they do, then you are not picky enough, and need to raise your standards.
--
I often advise men to do the opposite of the numbers game: For maximum success, limit yourself to approaching 3 women per month. This should force you to choose carefully, and to look for actual compatibility, not only beauty. And if you approach a woman who is actually compatible with you, she will almost certainly say yes!
Men rarely have the b*lls to try this, though, even for just one month. Its like asking a woman not to obsess over her hair, makeup, and clothes before going out. It contradicts everything that is not working for them but that they keep hearing should work, Any Day Now(tm).
So you're saying that women do show you signs of interest, they just aren't as strong.
That's my point. You're missing signs or blatantly ignoring them out of fear.
No. I'm saying that they don't. I'm saying that when women have expressed these signs, I swung and ended up being wrong.
That's why they are called signals. They are not for sure. The very few times I swung and hit, there were no signals.
And I know several other men who are in the same boat. Now, don't get me wrong. The majority of men have no problem with women. And many good looking men have so many women interested in them, they really don't know what do with them.
I think people don't want to admit they live in a world where some people get no initial interest from the opposite sex. It sounds like a very sad world. But it's true. I mean, there's probably some women in the same boat. Just much fewer. But regardless, they are there with us.
No. I'm saying that they don't. I'm saying that when women have expressed these signs, I swung and ended up being wrong.
That's why they are called signals. They are not for sure. The very few times I swung and hit, there were no signals.
And I know several other men who are in the same boat. Now, don't get me wrong. The majority of men have no problem with women. And many good looking men have so many women interested in them, they really don't know what do with them.
I think people don't want to admit they live in a world where some people get no initial interest from the opposite sex. It sounds like a very sad world. But it's true. I mean, there's probably some women in the same boat. Just much fewer. But regardless, they are there with us.
In your world, what does a woman expressing interest in you look like?
-Asking me out on a date
-Asking for my phone number
-Telling me I'm cute (I have had a very small number of older women say this*)
-Saying we should hang out sometime
Basically, the same things that I do when I express interest. I've long gotten over the fact that those things will never happen.
I think there's a general lack of sympathy because people can't put themselves in a situation where a person can connect with someone or think of each other as nice and cool and still get initially rejected most of the time.
I met this woman yesterday who was really cute and pretty nice too (also married with children). I bet anything when she was single, that when she connected with a guy, 9 out of 10 guys would have had interest. For some people, that number in that situation is 1 out of 50.
It's just the way it is really.
*Well, I'm old now , but at the time I was younger.
Originally Posted by fleetiebelle In your world, what does a woman expressing interest in you look like?
Quote:
Originally Posted by JJS99
-Asking me out on a date
-Asking for my phone number
-Telling me I'm cute (I have had a very small number of older women say this*)
-Saying we should hang out sometime
Basically, the same things that I do when I express interest.
Uh. What difference does it matter if I asked both women out anyway?
BTW, it is interesting to note how a woman's 'signals' qualify that rejection is a big deal to men. Men are always asking, "Should I ask her? She gave me these signals!"
If men didn't care about rejection, and it didn't hurt, then signals would have no significance because men would just approach a woman they liked whether a woman gave a signal or not.
Uh. What difference does it matter if I asked both women out anyway?
BTW, it is interesting to note how a woman's 'signals' qualify that rejection is a big deal to men. Men are always asking, "Should I ask her? She gave me these signals!"
If men didn't care about rejection, and it didn't hurt, then signals would have no significance because men would just approach a woman they liked whether a woman gave a signal or not.
If a woman is really giving you signals, then you are 100% guaranteed that she will say yes (unless you do something to demonstrate previously unanticipated incompatibility). So the risk is virtually zero.
The trick is to understand that, every time you think you are getting 'signals' and she says no, then you were wrong. Those were not signals, and you need to upgrade your detection software. Learn from your mistakes. Don't tell yourself that her signals were stronger than those of the woman who said yes, because they weren't. You just misread.
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, but at the time I was younger.
