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I think barging into a conversation a group of women are having is a bit socially clueless, tbh. The same concept would apply if you barged into a group of men you didn't know having a conversation. There are times where it might be acceptable to quip in, but in general, mind your own business.
I guess they teach men to do that in "the game" but I think it's kind of idiotic at best. It violates social norms we've been taught all our lives (don't interrupt people when they are speaking?) There are situations where it's acceptable and situations where's it's not. Personally, I would never approach a group of women talking among themselves. There's no reason to. If I overheard something interesting they were talking about, by chance, maybe I'd have something meaningful to add to the conversation. But there's no guarantee it'd go any further than that.
I'll be the first to admit I'm mostly socially clueless, and I'm basically an introverted musician/intellectual. But I like to think I live my life with tact and dignity - and trying to make connections with strangers seems desperate on so many levels. Everything happens for a reason, sometimes the right moment just comes and you make a connection. You don't force anything really good to happen, that's been my experience in life and especially when it comes to love.
I think barging into a conversation a group of women are having is a bit socially clueless, tbh. The same concept would apply if you barged into a group of men you didn't know having a conversation. There are times where it might be acceptable to quip in, but in general, mind your own business.
I guess they teach men to do that in "the game" but I think it's kind of idiotic at best. It violates social norms we've been taught all our lives (don't interrupt people when they are speaking?) There are situations where it's acceptable and situations where's it's not. Personally, I would never approach a group of women talking among themselves. There's no reason to. If I overheard something interesting they were talking about, by chance, maybe I'd have something meaningful to add to the conversation. But there's no guarantee it'd go any further than that.
I'll be the first to admit I'm mostly socially clueless, and I'm basically an introverted musician/intellectual. But I like to think I live my life with tact and dignity - and trying to make connections with strangers seems desperate on so many levels. Everything happens for a reason, sometimes the right moment just comes and you make a connection. You don't force anything really good to happen, that's been my experience in life and especially when it comes to love.
Yea I agree with you
You really can't talk to somebody in a group unless they're in a position where they are not as connected to the group
Otherwise you gotta talk to the whole group and it takes a whole lot of confidence for that
you are a head case yourself if you find such shock and awe in that. i think i do fairly well in the dating area with proven results time and time again. if you spend all your time thinking therapy is the solution for social skills, i believe that is more revealing about your perspective and experience.
despite what you may believe, i have very loving friends, family, and women in my life. you keep do your blind leading the blind counseling with these male novices. if your hyperbole is any indication of your advice and counseling in private practice, or i assume on the couch, you are not the most insightful person either.
and by the way, i have been involved in mental health cases for nearly 20years, currently advise a very large group practice of mental health professions (>100 practitioners, highly trained and skilled professionals with real credentials unlike you), and i am very well respected by them all, so im sure you can imagine what i think about you and your two cents worth of therapy and dating advice.
What, where did you get the idea I am a therapist? I am not.
But, yes, my women friends often ask me and each other WTF is up with these guys who come up and interrupt a private gathering of friends to blather something about how we seem to be having fun, and then leave without giving any reason for why they interrupted us.
It was one of the great mysteries of the universe, until you explained it ITT.
And yes, I am still astounded at the depth of entitlement it reveals.
How does someone who is that socially oblivious develop such a massive sense of entitlement, that they would interrupt strangers to scam them for attention in that way? How does that combination come about?
I can't imagine doing such a thing, and I am an unusually confident person. Particularly when it comes to violating social norms for my own convenience. But not when it gets to the point of intruding on others, it seems.
I guess they teach men to do that in "the game" but I think it's kind of idiotic at best.
::headslap::
Ohhhhhh... is that what it is?
PUA does always end up being the explanation for astounding social gaffes, doesn't it? Not to mention extremes of entitlement.
I fell kinda dumb that I didn't guess. I thought nokiddin was saying all these men came up with the freakish technique independently. That was part of my amazement.
I think barging into a conversation a group of women are having is a bit socially clueless, tbh. The same concept would apply if you barged into a group of men you didn't know having a conversation. There are times where it might be acceptable to quip in, but in general, mind your own business.
I guess they teach men to do that in "the game" but I think it's kind of idiotic at best. It violates social norms we've been taught all our lives (don't interrupt people when they are speaking?) There are situations where it's acceptable and situations where's it's not. Personally, I would never approach a group of women talking among themselves. There's no reason to. If I overheard something interesting they were talking about, by chance, maybe I'd have something meaningful to add to the conversation. But there's no guarantee it'd go any further than that.
I'll be the first to admit I'm mostly socially clueless, and I'm basically an introverted musician/intellectual. But I like to think I live my life with tact and dignity - and trying to make connections with strangers seems desperate on so many levels. Everything happens for a reason, sometimes the right moment just comes and you make a connection. You don't force anything really good to happen, that's been my experience in life and especially when it comes to love.
This post is 100% true. This is how I live my life as well. The last paragraph sums up my feelings too.
How does someone who is that socially oblivious develop such a massive sense of entitlement, that they would interrupt strangers to scam them for attention in that way? How does that combination come about?
I can't imagine doing such a thing, and I am an unusually confident person. Particularly when it comes to violating social norms for my own convenience. But not when it gets to the point of intruding on others, it seems.
okay, sorry for the heat and thanks for the respectful reply.
but really, it not guys stealing attention from others and its a club/bar where ppl go to meet others, not a restaurant or shushi bar. and lordy its rare a woman who didn't dress up "to the nines" who doesnt appreciate a quick comment from someone about how she is dressed tremendously good tonight.
and as to your point of intruding others, that is part of the skills and social intelligence guys need to learn with approaching women. be graceful, confident, friendly, and smile.
also, facing your fears by doing incremental steps to overcome it, such as fear of heights, is pretty much a classic "therapeutic modality" as they call it. any i can tell you i was in a similar dating situation about 10-15years ago, but in my case it was consistently being confident about approach and having an interesting conversation with 8, 9, and 10s.. as they say.
thanks again for your tone, and yes i know, i can be harsh at times, but im not a big fan of character attacks when someone disagrees with my opinion. feel free to attack my ideas, statement and defend your position. dont be a chicken sh*t and attack a poster behind an anonymous avatar just because you find it disagreeable--and i am speaking in general terms, not directly to you.
okay, sorry for the heat and thanks for the respectful reply.
Now that was socially graceful .
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but really, it not guys stealing attention from others and its a club/bar where ppl go to meet others, not a restaurant or shushi bar.
Ah. I don't go to bars so I acknowledge that i may not understand the culture.
The problem I and my women friends have is men doing this at restaurants and coffee shops, at lunchtime. Every Frickin' Time.
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and lordy its rare a woman who didn't dress up "to the nines" who doesnt appreciate a quick comment from someone about how she is dressed tremendously good tonight.
Welll... women are trained from childhood to never show when they don't appreciate it. So a socially unskilled guy might not be an accurate assessor.
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and as to your point of intruding others, that is part of the skills and social intelligence guys need to learn with approaching women. be graceful, confident, friendly, and smile.
Intruding gracefully is still an intrusion. And, IME, very disruptive of what was, up until then, a fun time.
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also, facing your fears by doing incremental steps to overcome it, such as fear of heights, is pretty much a classic "therapeutic modality" as they call it.
Yes. Meaning if you are involving others you should be paying them. AND getting their consent. It's not worth disrupting my lunch with friends for under $50k.
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thanks again for your tone, and yes i know, i can be harsh at times, but im not a big fan of character attacks when someone disagrees with my opinion. feel free to attack my ideas, statement and defend your position. dont be a chicken sh*t and attack a poster behind an anonymous avatar just because you find it disagreeable--and i am speaking in general terms, not directly to you.
Heh. I thought you were talking about yourself. Told you I am self confident.
Entitlement seems like a root issue for all kinds of social/relationship problems. I can think back to specific breakups and recognize how hard I was fighting a person for their love, when really - even if they decided to suddenly be with me again...it would be a hollow victory.
Maybe I'm wrong about love and relationships...but to me, if it doesn't just kinda, happen...if there isn't a special spark and dynamic there...if it's not like magic...then it's just a hollow victory, too. You shouldn't have to force it. Am I wrong?
Entitlement seems like a root issue for all kinds of social/relationship problems. I can think back to specific breakups and recognize how hard I was fighting a person for their love, when really - even if they decided to suddenly be with me again...it would be a hollow victory.
Maybe I'm wrong about love and relationships...but to me, if it doesn't just kinda, happen...if there isn't a special spark and dynamic there...if it's not like magic...then it's just a hollow victory, too. You shouldn't have to force it. Am I wrong?
No. You are correct. Forcing things never ends well.
Maybe I'm wrong about love and relationships...but to me, if it doesn't just kinda, happen...if there isn't a special spark and dynamic there...if it's not like magic...then it's just a hollow victory, too. You shouldn't have to force it. Am I wrong?
I dunno, it used to drive me nuts when I was in my 20s and guys would say that. It always meant they wanted me to do 100% of the work, and get no appreciation.
I haven't run into that comment since then, so I dunno if there is a grownup version that is more equitable.
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