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Sorry, this is very very incorrect. You assume you are NOT exclusive until it is declared otherwise. Whether it is 4 dates or two years of dating. There are never assumptions to be made here.
I'm sorry, but that is not the cultural norm. I am not talking about how it should be, but how it is. We have to live in the world as it is, not as we wish it was.
Sorry, this is very very incorrect. You assume you are NOT exclusive until it is declared otherwise. Whether it is 4 dates or two years of dating. There are never assumptions to be made here.
Tell my husband that lol. We were dating for MONTHS and a friend of ours assumed that a few "dates" with someone meant they were "exclusive". I disagreed and said it isn't exclusive unless someone says so. That's when my husband said, "You didn't know we were exclusive? I assumed you knew."
Yeah, umm, I don't read minds lol..I wasn't dating anyone else and apparently he wasn't either
Tell my husband that lol. We were dating for MONTHS and a friend of ours assumed that a few "dates" with someone meant they were "exclusive". I disagreed and said it isn't exclusive unless someone says so. That's when my husband said, "You didn't know we were exclusive? I assumed you knew."
Yeah, umm, I don't read minds lol..I wasn't dating anyone else and apparently he wasn't either
That's called "waiting for a better deal to show up".
First question or one of the usual questions that I ask is "are you single". I never heard anyone telling me anything other than "yes" if the date went forward. This never stopped some people to actually live with someone else and still date me on the side while claiming to be single.
However, dating norms in a bigger city usually involve this BS for most people. I would really like to know what the statistics say about this practice of "parallel dating", but I guess it's pretty much common to be called "the norm", at least among 20-somethings.
But I guess that's what an average people in a big city can expect since so many people are doing parallel dating anyways - regardless if they think it's okay or not. That is why sex happens so fast, that is why it's not so great to go against the norms and that is why you're a fool if you don't do what the norm is, someone will always play on your naivety and you might get into lots of complications as a consequence.
I really don't know if any man (or woman) would be upfront an say "no, I'm dating another person on the side", even if they'd add the "but it's nothing serious"/"but we're not exclusive". That says enough about it.
My opinion on all this is that its wrong to keep everyone in the dark about it. You don't have to tell them who these people are or how many of them there are but everyone should be on the same page that you're not exclusive right now.
Its not fair to the guys if they think you are being exclusive and you're really not.
It's fine to date multiples indefinitely if no-one has an expectation of exclusivity or believes you are exclusive with them. If you are having sex with more than one, then it would be unethical to expose any others to potential STIs without their knowledge and consent and they need to be informed - but otherwise there isn't a problem.
Disclosure may lead to the termination of one or more of these dating relationships, but that depends a lot on what they are looking for as well as what you want.
I was surprised at how often it made little or no difference to disclose things. In fact, honesty early on seemed to make things easier and the relationships go better when dating multiples as you don't need to keep everything compartmentalized.
I think I got a bit carried away and the days went by quickly and I would forget to tell them I'm seeing someone else. I was going to tell them last month but forgot.
I guess I should inform them and hopefully they still want to see me but I don't know. The one that asked me to be his gf will sure be turned off completely.
You're right, my fun would probably end and that would suck. I guess I like the thrill of this.
If I tell them know, they would probably not want to keep dating me and I don't want to drop either of them. But will they really find out about this?
It certainly is a blast dating multiple people isn't it? I don't blame you in the slightest. Try not to add anymore though, there were times times when I would be dating 6 women at a time and if you have a full-time job that can be damn near impossible.
It's really quite simple to ensure they never find out about eachother, just make sure that you keep telling them what they want to hear and never allow them to see your phone for any reason.
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