Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
Originally Posted by pan zareta To the poster who was wondering why he is now so insistant on marriage, he is from a different culture that practices arranged marriage, and having a baby out of wedlock is the worst shame that can happen.
I'll probably do it for that reason. He'd be outcasted from his community otherwise. I am just really tired and not feeling good right now and feel like I can't think straight, but this discussion has helped. Thanks to all.
What does his culture say about love?
Please forgive my ignorance about Indian culture. Is love supposed to develop after marriage? Is love outside of marriage supposed to be ignored? Or enjoyed, but not used as a basis for life decisions?
Getting his view on these things, and the views he was brought up with if they differ, might shed some light.
It's possible that he feels what you want him to feel, and just calls it by another name. Or it's possible he is doing like many middle-america guys I know have done, and refusing to use the L word because he is not truly committed to the relationship. Hard to tell.
Last edited by NilaJones; 11-26-2013 at 09:28 PM..
No, I wouldn't marry someone who didn't love me, but I also wouldn't date a man who I loved very much but who had been clear that he didn't love me for 2.5 years, nor sleep with him.
is he American indian or from india ? could be some culture influences going on that you may not be aware of.
Given that she mentioned him being outcast, I'm assuming from India, vs. Native American.
OP, why has he not participated in his arranged marriage already? Based on what I've observed with my Indian friends and acquaintances where this practice is done, early forties is pretty old to not have had something arranged by family already, what is up with that? My friend's family in India was panicking that he was nearing 30 and not married yet, he was constantly getting the pressure put on, and and that all shifted into high gear once he was barely over 26.
Since marriage to you is not one that is arranged by his family, it's likely that he will suffer stigmatization in his own culture due to marrying you just as he would were he to father a child out of wedlock.
Given that she mentioned him being outcast, I'm assuming from India, vs. Native American.
OP, why has he not participated in his arranged marriage already? Based on what I've observed with my Indian friends and acquaintances where this practice is done, early forties is pretty old to not have had something arranged by family already, what is up with that? My friend's family in India was panicking that he was nearing 30 and not married yet, he was constantly getting the pressure put on, and and that all shifted into high gear once he was barely over 26.
Since marriage to you is not one that is arranged by his family, it's likely that he will suffer stigmatization in his own culture due to marrying you just as he would were he to father a child out of wedlock.
Because it is rare for anyone in this country to be forced to do anything.
No one in our family here or in India in the last 40 years had anything "arranged" despite all the hand-wringing.
Given that she mentioned him being outcast, I'm assuming from India, vs. Native American.
OP, why has he not participated in his arranged marriage already? Based on what I've observed with my Indian friends and acquaintances where this practice is done, early forties is pretty old to not have had something arranged by family already, what is up with that? My friend's family in India was panicking that he was nearing 30 and not married yet, he was constantly getting the pressure put on, and and that all shifted into high gear once he was barely over 26.
Since marriage to you is not one that is arranged by his family, it's likely that he will suffer stigmatization in his own culture due to marrying you just as he would were he to father a child out of wedlock.
He did, got married at 28 and was divorced after 9 years, they did not get along at all and only had sex a handful of times from what he told me. So that's why he doesn't have children.
He feels really bad about being divorced, some of his family/acquaintances don't speak to him because of it. And now this... He's been saying if we don't get married he will go back to India because he can't bear it.
He did, got married at 28 and was divorced after 9 years, they did not get along at all and only had sex a handful of times from what he told me. So that's why he doesn't have children.
He feels really bad about being divorced, some of his family/acquaintances don't speak to him because of it. And now this... He's been saying if we don't get married he will go back to India because he can't bear it.
Let him. He he he it is all about "HE". What about you? It seems like all he cares about is how others think about him. This man is too darn old to be this immature.
Because it is rare for anyone in this country to be forced to do anything.
No one in our family here or in India in the last 40 years had anything "arranged" despite all the hand-wringing.
Quote:
Originally Posted by pan zareta
He did, got married at 28 and was divorced after 9 years, they did not get along at all and only had sex a handful of times from what he told me. So that's why he doesn't have children.
He feels really bad about being divorced, some of his family/acquaintances don't speak to him because of it. And now this... He's been saying if we don't get married he will go back to India because he can't bear it.
Didnt read the whole thread but regarding arranged marriages and cultural traditions, my grandmother
had an arranged marriage. She hated him but did it not to shame her parents. He life was full of misery
and regret. So I say hooray, USA.
I sure hope the man from India has some good acquaintances and friends who can help him cut off some
of the old cultural expectations and shame that he doesn't have to do here. If his family doesn't speak
to him so be it.
So what was expected from grandma did not move onto my parents, her grandchildren and great grandchildren.
I've been dating a man for about 2.5 years and am 13 weeks pregnant. We have a good relationship but he always told me that he didn't have emotional feelings for me; just more like a best friend. Now that he has found out about the pregnancy he is begging me to marry him. But I don't know if I can see it, because I know he would not consider it otherwise. The pregnancy was not planned but is very wanted after I got over the shock. We are both early 40's so its not like we are kids. I just don't know if I can face being married to someone that I love very much and knowing he does not love me... for the rest of my life.
Are you kidding? UCK no. He actually said I'm not emotionally attached to you? My response would of been why are you here then? Leave. There is no way I would marry someone who specifically stated there is no emotional connection. I wouldn't even be in a relationship with. That person. You actually let him touch you after that? Damn you're nice.
Location: Huntersville/Charlotte, NC and Washington, DC
26,700 posts, read 41,753,896 times
Reputation: 41381
Quote:
Originally Posted by lilyflower3191981
Let him. He he he it is all about "HE". What about you? It seems like all he cares about is how others think about him. This man is too darn old to be this immature.
^This.
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
