I Honestly Don't Know How I Am Ever Going To Meet Someone (men, kids)
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I know ONE couple who has ever married because of a bar situation.
The rest are through mutual friends, work, school, internet dating, singles meet-up groups.
That's pretty standard I would imagine
Friends, work and school are by far the best options, also the options that are not available to me. That's kinda where my frustration comes from
Online dating could be a really great option but the problem with that is that guys have a lot of courage behind the computer screen that they don't have in real life so they'll sit there and bombard every cute girl everywhere with messages. So you send a message to a girl, you're not really talking to a girl like in real life where you are one on one and you can use body language and personality, you're really competing with a 100 guys at the same time for her affections. It's tough - you need to be incredibly good looking and incredibly charismatic with the words you use just to get a girl who is slightly above average looking. So many guys talk about this too - you need to generally aim way below your league in OLD to have any chance at all and even then you have a very high failure rate
I was invited to the wedding of two customers whom I introduced (at a bar)! It definitely happens and I see people all the time talking and meeting one another. But, I don't work in a club, so it's very different. Not all bars are about dancing (most aren't, where I've lived/worked).
the bar scene is much easier as it's much more laid back. I still find it very tough though. I dunno, maybe it's just me. The idea of going up to a girl who is hanging out with 3 of her friends is incredibly daunting. It's like this huge spotlight is shined on you and I personally hate the feeling of being judged
There are guys out there who are build to be PUAs. They are very thick skinned, don't care if they get rejected a 1000 times in a day, don't have a fear of being judged and are courageous enough to start a conversation under any circumstance. I don't know if I will ever be in that group and the universe does not want to give me anything in terms of the easy opportunities that every single one of my friends have gotten to meet their girlfriend/wife/etc...
[quote=RogerShah;32645297]the bar scene is much easier as it's much more laid back. I still find it very tough though. I dunno, maybe it's just me. The idea of going up to a girl who is hanging out with 3 of her friends is incredibly daunting. It's like this huge spotlight is shined on you and I personally hate the feeling of being judged
quote]
In the scenarios I described things happen a lot more organically. People are sitting next to the bar having cocktails, maybe having dinner, and they just start talking naturally. About the food, the drinks, the game on TV, something that happened in the news.... Obvously not all (or most) of those connections turn into a relationship or go even past just a chat, but it is a lot more casual.
In the scenarios I described things happen a lot more organically. People are sitting next to the bar having cocktails, maybe having dinner, and they just start talking naturally. About the food, the drinks, the game on TV, something that happened in the news.... Obvously not all (or most) of those connections turn into a relationship or go even past just a chat, but it is a lot more casual.
How do you make these opportunities happen?
I go out with my friends and I see all these pretty girls in their own social groups out and about. How would I initiate with them?
The same way you would just randomly talk to anyone at a party or a bar. It's just about having a normal conversation and not spewing a series of pickup lines.
"Oh, you're having the duck wings? Are they good?"
LOL @ negativity. Just FYI, I'm extremely outgoing and friendly in real life. I'm always cracking jokes and having fun with my friends. We usually go out with like 10-20 of us and have a blast
I just think the nightclub scene is borderline impossible to get anywhere due to the very loud music and how defensive most girls are. I see guys approaching all the time in the night club scene and crashing and burning nearly every single time. It's not really particularly appealing to me
So you don't want to try bars and clubs because you might get your feelings hurt when you fail, fine whatever. You can't use your own social group, I understand that I'm in a similar position. What that means is you either need to expand your social group or go approch women in everyday life.
I really don't understand your fear of rejection. Its way worse than normal people's. Its understandable you don't want to stand up in front of everyone and ask a stranger out and then have her say no. The reality is that doesn't happen unless you do something stupid or are really bad at taking hints. Most the time women know why some random dude is talking to them and they will just ignore him if they're not interested. You're not going to be shut down unless you start acting like a bro.
I just don't see it. I don't encounter single women in my day to day lifestyle outside of the cold approach option (which is a horrible option). I don't meet women through friends or family (even though I go out and socialize in many different environments with many different people). I don't meet women through work or any of my hobbies. I honestly don't know what to do. I cannot seem to force myself to do the dreaded cold approach as all I imagine is going up to the girl and getting a nasty rejection (talking to a couple girls at a bar and hearing that "we are just here to have fun with our friends, please go away").
Is there any guy out there who has ever met his girlfriend someway outside of the old "friends/school/work" option that everybody seems to meet their partner? Do girls ever actually go out to meet a guy? It seems like 50% of girls go out in the night scene (lounges/bars/etc...) with their boyfriends and the other 50% go out to hang out with their lady friends all night
I don't think there's anything wrong with me. I can keep a conversation with most people fine. I'm friendly and respectful. All the female acquaintances I have in my real life (a few female co workers, a couple friends, friend's girlfriends) all like me quite a bit. I don't know why I find dating to be so difficult
How about you just get on with your life? Seriously.
I'm not being mean - I'm just saying you should build a happy life for yourself. Sure, being single is probably detracting from your happiness in some ways, but just concentrate on being happy overall. I have a friend who thinks his single status is the root of his unhappiness, but it's really just a SYMPTOM of it.
Join some groups or teams. Develop some hobbies. Get a pet. Go out by yourself to places like coffee shops and bookstores and concert halls. Become at peace with being alone. Maybe create a thoughtfully put-together dating profile on a website and contact women selectively based on their full profile, not just on whether you like their picture.
Now the side effect of this is that you may not feel so desolate about being alone eventually. For myself, that means I'm actually kind of disinclined to enter into a relationship. My life is pretty awesome, and for a long time it really wasn't.
My weekend basically involved doing some work at home on Saturday, taking my dog to the dog park, getting the grocery shopping done, a Christmas party in the evening; then on Sunday I had a breakfast date and spent the rest of the day doing a little more work, taking a nap (party went way late), working with the dog a bit, doing a little reading and then heading out for another party. It was a really fun weekend.
Live your life. Fit the hunting for a partner into it on the side.
Oh, and cold approaches are fine if done respectfully, but they are inefficient in my view. Yeah, you might be attracted to the person, but unless they have other things in common with you, it's not going to lead to anything permanent. And it's hard to tell if you have something in common with another person just by looking at them.
Its understandable you don't want to stand up in front of everyone and ask a stranger out and then have her say no. The reality is that doesn't happen unless you do something stupid or are really bad at taking hints. Most the time women know why some random dude is talking to them and they will just ignore him if they're not interested. You're not going to be shut down unless you start acting like a bro.
I used to believe this and it is not true
There are plenty of times a girl will give you lots of very positive signs and turn you down when you do ask her out
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