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01-04-2014, 02:44 PM
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Meh, I'm knowable in 3 months. I'd do it, with the right girl of course...
That's the real sticking point...not arbitrary time lines...
It can take me an hours conversation to realize it isn't for the best.
And, judging from my past...it wouldn't take much longer to know that it is. Maybe a month or two? I mean, maybe..but no rush either. I would say the girl I'd end up marrying, I'd know whether I might ask her too a couple months into the relationship. In all my previous relationships, I've known a couple months in that I'm not going to go the distance with it. Don't know what I'm looking for, but when I see something I'm not...well, I guess I tune in.
The rush, for some, is that we're on a schedule here. Can't waste 10 years passively looking for someone...some take a couple years and off and devote themselves to nothing else. I'm thinking I'm on the third year of that...knowing soon it will all be over. Careers, and family, and financial considerations....
Like a giant jigsaw puzzle...she's the last piece.
A new show on TLC is called 90 days fiancee. I'm wondering if you would ever do this? Some of the people travel across the world to meet each other then after 90 days marry. Many say it's not enough time to know each other. But say they talked on the phone, online, text and met a little. Perhaps then?
Then age can factor in it or an overly busy person?
What are your opinions of it?
I will say mine later.
My opinion is that it's staged for the show. They can't come in on a K1 without a relationship already established and with the intent to marry. Department of States and USCIS have protocol to deal with K1s, as well as legally binding documents they must sign. They don't meet, court and marry in 90 days on a K1.
The bulk of K1's met their spouse online or while the person was overseas for work, establish the relationship and then the citizen applies for the K1. In the past, it was military and people who worked overseas that used them. Now it's mostly people who do internet dating.
For the show, I suspect one of the couples may be bona fide to give viewers the warm and fuzzy. One will be portrayed as a green card hunter. One will be a fame w***e who's likely already in the US as a student of sorts. And who knows what the 4th will be. I didn't read all their bios, but I suspect a mail order bride who will try to make an honest go of it, yet fail for cultural reasons.
There are people who meet, fall in love and marry in 90 days. But it's not so common. Which is why perhaps, they're making a show of it.
Yeah, that's my perception of a lot of posters at times, too. A marriage "deal breaker" is whenever things stop getting fun and start to get real. Well, yeah, of course it's not going to work out if you approach it with that mindset.
But, a lot of people got really burned in their marriage and have scars far greater than mine. I try to remember how hard it was for me to trust after my divorce and cut 'em a little slack!
How somebody holds up when "things get real" is a VERY important litmus test, I agree. Things can start to get real at any point, though.
I was diagnosed with a tumor only a couple of months into the relationship that is about to become our marriage in a couple of weeks. Things went really quickly from the butterflies of dating a new person to me telling my new-ish boyfriend that "Hey, I have to have surgery, I don't know if this is serious, I wish I could tell you one way or another if cancer is in my present or future, but I can't until they remove it. I know you didn't sign up for this, and I'm giving you an out, here and now," basically.
I liked him a lot, and liked what I was getting to know, but I also didn't want somebody who might not know how he felt yet to feel obligated to sign on for handholding at doctor's appointments, taking me to surgeries, treatments, doing bedside handholding vigils, etc. I didn't think it was fair that to assume somebody I'd basically just started dating was up for something like a potentially serious illness. I told him a more eloquent version of the quoted portion above, while standing in the hospital parking garage right after I'd had an ultrasound and scheduled a lumpectomy. Then I went back to work. When I got home from work, there was a card at my door saying that yes, of course, he was "up for all of this," and that a life without me in it "was unimagineable." He was by my side through surgery, through a thankfully benign diagnosis, and ever since. And THAT is a big reason I knew he was marriage material quite early on.
How somebody holds up when "things get real" is a VERY important litmus test, I agree. Things can start to get real at any point, though.
I was diagnosed with a tumor only a couple of months into the relationship that is about to become our marriage in a couple of weeks. Things went really quickly from the butterflies of dating a new person to me telling my new-ish boyfriend that "Hey, I have to have surgery, I don't know if this is serious, I wish I could tell you one way or another if cancer is in my present or future, but I can't until they remove it. I know you didn't sign up for this, and I'm giving you an out, here and now," basically.
I liked him a lot, and liked what I was getting to know, but I also didn't want somebody who might not know how he felt yet to feel obligated to sign on for handholding at doctor's appointments, taking me to surgeries, treatments, doing bedside handholding vigils, etc. I didn't think it was fair that to assume somebody I'd basically just started dating was up for something like a potentially serious illness. I told him a more eloquent version of the quoted portion above, while standing in the hospital parking garage right after I'd had an ultrasound and scheduled a lumpectomy. Then I went back to work. When I got home from work, there was a card at my door saying that yes, of course, he was "up for all of this," and that a life without me in it "was unimagineable." He was by my side through surgery, through a thankfully benign diagnosis, and ever since. And THAT is a big reason I knew he was marriage material quite early on.
Thats a great story. There are a few of us good guys still out there.
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