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I find this sequence of events more admirable: Get married. Then have kids. Then stay married, at least until the youngest kid is 18.
Or the alternative: Have unplanned pregnancy while unmarried?--Give kid up for adoption so you and your kid won't have to deal with the many inevitable social/economic penalties working against you.
I know I will get flamed for this. So be it.
The flaw with this thinking on get married, have kids, stay married.
Some of us did start on this path. Marriage, life together, then a kid. However, if I had decided to stay married, I would have also had to accept the 'sister wife' my ex husband introduced into the relationship. And, that's just not how I roll. I'm sure there are several others, men and women, that can relate.
Last edited by dragon_fly_12; 03-30-2014 at 10:05 PM..
Location: "Silicon Valley" (part of San Francisco Bay Area, California, USA)
4,375 posts, read 4,073,220 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by dragon_fly_12
Some of us did start on this path. Marriage, life together, then a kid. However, if I had decided to stay married, I would have also had to accept the 'sister wife' my ex husband introduced into the relationship. And, that's just now how I roll. I'm sure there are several others, men and women, that can relate.
lol well, we could always add a brother husband if you wanted.
Anyway, I definitely think it is admirable for you to raise your kids on your own, dragonfly. Unfortunately my life situation isn't compatible with kids, nor do I think I am in a good emotional place to be a father.
I think there are two kinds of adults: ones who would make good parents, and ones who would not. Dragonfly is in the first group, I am in the second. Those of us in the second have a moral obligation to support and defend those in the first, for the prosperity of humanity and to ensure its perpetuation.
lol well, we could always add a brother husband if you wanted.
Anyway, I definitely think it is admirable for you to raise your kids on your own, dragonfly. Unfortunately my life situation isn't compatible with kids, nor do I think I am in a good emotional place to be a father.
I think there are two kinds of adults: ones who would make good parents, and ones who would not. Dragonfly is in the first group, I am in the second. Those of us in the second have a moral obligation to support and defend those in the first, for the prosperity of humanity and to ensure its perpetuation.
This is absolutely fine by me. I never expect any person to attempt to be a person they are not.
The point of my rants were simply that bashing single moms, treating them negatively, bashing them, etc. It is a perception that is uncalled for. But, for whatever reason, prevalent on the online communities. Datehookup dot com forums prove this time and again.
I don't think most people on here are bashing moms. The issues moms run into is they have expectations that the guy has to accept the whole package. You cant force a bond to occure. My gf was trying to do that and gave up and decided it was still worth it to be with me.
Why give them up for adoption if you are able to take care of them?
There is near universal agreement in the social science research that kids from single parent families don't do as well on a variety of metrics. The link to the piece below was written by a liberal leaning researcher from the Brookings Institution:
Location: "Silicon Valley" (part of San Francisco Bay Area, California, USA)
4,375 posts, read 4,073,220 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by mysticaltyger
There is near universal agreement in the social science research that kids from single parent families don't do as well on a variety of metrics. The link to the piece below was written by a liberal leaning researcher from the Brookings Institution:
Isn't that article really about people responsible and making commitments to their relationship if they are going to have kids? Yet, if it turns out she married the wrong guy, and he destroys the relationship by cheating or something along those lines? In that case she should still raise the kid, assuming she has the means to do so.
I agree with dragonfly, I don't see why negative judgements on being made on the character of single moms. If you feel like you're not ready to be a father, don't be with a single mom. But don't act as if she did something wrong.
I find this sequence of events more admirable: Get married. Then have kids. Then stay married, at least until the youngest kid is 18.
Or the alternative: Have unplanned pregnancy while unmarried?--Give kid up for adoption so you and your kid won't have to deal with the many inevitable social/economic penalties working against you.
I know I will get flamed for this. So be it.
In theory I agree but there are so many variables. For example what if the couple was married when the child was born? or how about she became widowed? or adopted as a single mom because she wanted to give a kid a home and no potential men in the future?
Yes everybody has a right to their opinions and for you dating a single mom is totally out of the question, a total no,no, that's great.
You 1-3 list is not right. You must live in utopia. Have you never had a relationship that didn't work out? You must be perfect, so why are you single?
So do you have a reason why you think my list is not right? Or do you just want to disagree for the sake of disagreeing? By all means, expound.
First of all, i'm not begging for a childless man to date me. They can clearly see on the dating website i have a kid and I am upfront and honest about it. My thing is why even approach me or contact me if you don't like kids anyway, knowing that I have a kid. And i'm tired of hearing most men saying that single moms are undateable, sluts, trashy, loose, financially unstable, looking for a meal ticket, pump and dump and just undesirable. I think those views influence other men not to date single moms when in fact they have no clue about what kind of person I am.
Actions speak louder than words. The results of your actions are plainly visible on the dating site you are a member on. Your potential audience then draws conclusions as to the type of person you are.
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lol well, we could always add a brother husband if you wanted. 
Unfortunately my life situation isn't compatible with kids, nor do I think I am in a good emotional place to be a father. 
