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By controlling, I don't mean abusive or anything sick like that.
But say you were planning to hang out at a bar with four male coworkers after work and your boyfriend told you no way. Do you find that attractive? Is it considered assertive in a good way? Or do you look at it as a lack of trust or low confidence on his part?
I've been told by some women that they find it cute when their boyfriend gets jealous or acts protective. Where is the line drawn?
And furthermore, between these two choices, do you like it more when a man is controlling or when you are in control?
I ask because a guy I know once got dumped for being OK with his girlfriend hanging out with a former fwb. She thought he was a wimp more than she cared for him being trusting. She wasn't happy that he didn't put up an effort to stop it and took it as a sign of weakness.
ugh. No.
And it's not about who's in control. It's about equal say in decisions. It's about working things out together. It's about being laid back and easygoing, so "control" never comes up as an issue.
Believe it or not, some couples manage to function happily without constant negotiation, manipulation, petty power-plays and fighting.
Last edited by Ruth4Truth; 06-06-2014 at 09:50 AM..
Oh really...and you know every single woman in the world to make this gross generalisation?
That's why I said "often" in my post that you're quoting. Often does not mean all the time so I couldn't have been talking about all women
Quote:
Newsflash, most mature adults don't play anyone like chess pieces. Again, try dating adults instead of teenagers.
I'm a grown man, I don't date teenagers. I've seen some grown adult women do some of the same type of things.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Liberty2011
Way back in your inexperienced days, that girl you knew was probably inexperienced too. Choices we make in our youth are not set in stone for our future. Hopefully through trial and error, you learn, while also growing up and maturing.
Beyond that, enough with telling women what we want, when you are a) not a woman, and b) women are not a collective who all think and act the same way.
Women don't want an overly controlling guy but they do want a guy who's not afraid to take charge and tell her what he wants, and this is coming from a number of women who've told me this AND those that have tried to test me themselves. Women are smarter than men
I quoted what I agreed with, deleted the rest of the bull. But that's ME, all women want something different. I have a strong personality, and need a guy with the same or I unintentionally walk all over the relationship. That DOES not mean I will tolerate someone thinking they can control me. That would not work out well. Then there's all that blood I'd have to clean up.....
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I'm prepared to get jumped by the women on here BUTTT...
Women are some strange creatures. I've found they often say that they don't like a type of guy, but they end up being attracted to the guys they say they hate.
For example, way back in my inexperienced days, I remember trying to get with this girl thinking that the nice, innocent guy routine was the way to go. This girl was always saying that she liked the nicer guys and hated jocks and cocky guys, often using this guy named Tommie as an example. I spent 2 months trying to get with her watching everything I said and trying not to offend her. Long story short, we attended a party and Tommie flirted with her a little bit and needless to say, she ended up leaving with him that night. I don't know if they slept together but I'm sure they did, if not, I'm sure they did some heavy making out.
Women don't want an overly controlling guy but they do want a guy who's not afraid to take charge and tell her what he wants, and this is coming from a number of women who've told me this AND those that have tried to test me themselves. Women are smarter than men and they sometimes will play us like chess pieces. Alot of times, they'll say they want to do something that they know we're opposed to just to get a rise out of us. Alot of time, it's a test to see how far she can go. If she knows that she can push those limits, she will ultimately lose respect and interest.
Yeah my good friend women always talk about how arrogant he is how he can be full of himself but when he flirtt with them they become so smitten some of these are even married women..
i think part of it might be hes very good looking so women might protect their ego by saying what a jerk he is because they think he wouldnt be interested in them but when he shows interest theyre all over him..
Im also not one of these guys who think sane women like jerks at all but i do think there are jerks or borderlien arrogant guys who have some qualities that attract women: physically very attractive leadership, i hate the term but "alpha",they can be very flirty and casue sexual tension
So women may want to avoid these guys but part of their brain becomes extremely attracted because of what they make them feel
I quoted what I agreed with, deleted the rest of the bull. But that's ME, all women want something different. I have a strong personality, and need a guy with the same or I unintentionally walk all over the relationship. That DOES not mean I will tolerate someone thinking they can control me. That would not work out well. Then there's all that blood I'd have to clean up.....
Contrary to how I may appear on this forum I don't have a strong personality. I'm very laid back and easy going so I need a man who can respect my relative passiveness and not assert a domineering, controlling persona. My last relationship was very abusive so I like to stay well clear of anyone who likes power and control too much.
But say you were planning to hang out at a bar with four male coworkers after work and your boyfriend told you no way. Do you find that attractive? Is it considered assertive in a good way? Or do you look at it as a lack of trust or low confidence on his part?
I ask because a guy I know once got dumped for being OK with his girlfriend hanging out with a former fwb. She thought he was a wimp more than she cared for him being trusting. She wasn't happy that he didn't put up an effort to stop it and took it as a sign of weakness.
Then I would tell him to go Eff himself.
That girl is an idiot, drama queen, or there is more to that story.
Heres' the deal, most people want to feel like they are the everything for their partner, that they are valued above and beyond anyone else.
If you felt that way REALLY you would show it in many ways. You probably wouldn't even be trying to ACT any particular way...it would just be the way you feel about them showing itself.
Maybe the reason people get divorced, and lots of people have unfulfilling relationships is because they DONT feel that way about the person they're with.
Maybe they settled, and it shows in everything they do and say.
In my opinion, men who are jealous are acting immaturely about this feeling of wanting to possess their girlfriend, you can't posses anyone, their actions are their own, if you love them you'll be mature enough to trust their actions, and they'll be mature enough to be trustworthy. Jealousy is about being afraid.
That's one aspect of control that shouldn't be tolerated. Jealousy.
Another aspect of control is 'bossy-ness', if you are bossy you don't give the other person the chance to prove themselves. To prove their capabilities and abilities and intelligence. You want to control everything because you're insecure about yourself and your place in the world, and trusting other people. Bossy- ness is about being afraid.
If on the other hand he is a good leader - trustworthy, capable and intelligent, leading with skill and compassion, who wouldn't want to follow that?
I guess it all comes down to communication skills, emotional intelligence and maturity.
And who we have to be ourselves in order to find that in another person.
Contrary to how I may appear on this forum I don't have a strong personality. I'm very laid back and easy going so I need a man who can respect my relative passiveness and not assert a domineering, controlling persona. My last relationship was very abusive so I like to stay well clear of anyone who likes power and control too much.
My late husband had a very laid back personality. While I loved him dearly, I got tired of always having to "drive" or we stayed still. I had to take the lead in finances, buying a home, making decisions, etc. and he was always agreeable, but I found it put a lot of stress on me. Even his parents volunteered that without me he probably wouldn't have gone back to school and accomplished what he did.
I'm not comparing this to your relationship at all, just my experience with having someone laid back. Heck, everyone is "laid back" in different ways.
Which is the reason I looked for someone who had more drive AND a stronger personality.
These are just some of the variations that some posters here do not seem to realize. The ones who are trying to lump all of one gender into a dogma of sorts.
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Contrary to how I may appear on this forum I don't have a strong personality. I'm very laid back and easy going so I need a man who can respect my relative passiveness and not assert a domineering, controlling persona. My last relationship was very abusive so I like to stay well clear of anyone who likes power and control too much.
Really?
That's interesting.
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