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My late husband had a very laid back personality. While I loved him dearly, I got tired of always having to "drive" or we stayed still. I had to take the lead in finances, buying a home, making decisions, etc. and he was always agreeable, but I found it put a lot of stress on me. Even his parents volunteered that without me he probably wouldn't have gone back to school and accomplished what he did.
I'm not comparing this to your relationship at all, just my experience with having someone laid back. Heck, everyone is "laid back" in different ways.
Which is the reason I looked for someone who had more drive AND a stronger personality.
These are just some of the variations that some posters here do not seem to realize. The ones who are trying to lump all of one gender into a dogma of sorts.
My style of laid back also includes taking charge of the finances and organising most of our life because they are my strengths. I don't just sit back at all. I think it's more of a personality thing, I don't get upset at small stuff, I'm kind of a keep a stiff upper lip, not prone to mood swings, easy going. Everyone manifests things in a different way I guess.
My late husband had a very laid back personality. While I loved him dearly, I got tired of always having to "drive" or we stayed still. I had to take the lead in finances, buying a home, making decisions, etc. and he was always agreeable, but I found it put a lot of stress on me. Even his parents volunteered that without me he probably wouldn't have gone back to school and accomplished what he did.
I'm not comparing this to your relationship at all, just my experience with having someone laid back. Heck, everyone is "laid back" in different ways.
Which is the reason I looked for someone who had more drive AND a stronger personality.
These are just some of the variations that some posters here do not seem to realize. The ones who are trying to lump all of one gender into a dogma of sorts.
I took that role of being laid back but got rid of it later.
Now when I'm asked a question I ask a couple more questions and then give a firm answer. I don't do the, "I don't care." or "Doesn't matter."
Problem I have is when things are held back from the beginning and I make a decision sometimes I may not have made the same answer. Or... I give a good decision and then someone second guesses the decision and drags their feet feeling it isn't the right one when all were in agreement earlier.
Ick, no. There is a very good reason I married the most easygoing, gentle-spirited guy on the face of the Earth. I once lived with a guy who was the very opposite of even-tempered, and that was more than enough for me.
My style of laid back also includes taking charge of the finances and organising most of our life because they are my strengths. I don't just sit back at all. I think it's more of a personality thing, I don't get upset at small stuff, I'm kind of a keep a stiff upper lip, not prone to mood swings, easy going. Everyone manifests things in a different way I guess.
I probably wrote poorly! I meant to state that just because my husband was laid back in one way, it didn't mean you were laid back the same, or imply you were lacking "drive." You've never come across that way at all.
I claim lack of oxygen after a mile "run" with kidlet and it not being 8am yet!
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I think it really depends on the people involved. Every relationship is different. And each of us comes with our own unique baggage. What one person might consider controlling, another might consider simply assertive. And people have different styles of asserting themselves, largely based on the other person they are interacting with. If a man TOLD me I couldn't do something, he might find himself on the other side of the door. Not just because he wanted me to behave in one way and I wanted to behave in another, but because he felt comfortable dictating to me. That, I think, is a red flag for many women. Everyone wants to be in a relationship where their needs, desires, feelings are valued. And when they are not valued, people feel that they, the person, are not valued.
At the same time, it's a two-way street. It's a relationship. The people have to relate to one another. So they have to communicate. I think when women complain about men who aren't assertive enough, they are generally complaining about men who either don't care, or men who don't communicate. It's not that they want a man to control them, it's that they want to know what the man wants.
By controlling, I don't mean abusive or anything sick like that.
But say you were planning to hang out at a bar with four male coworkers after work and your boyfriend told you no way. Do you find that attractive? Is it considered assertive in a good way? Or do you look at it as a lack of trust or low confidence on his part?
I've been told by some women that they find it cute when their boyfriend gets jealous or acts protective. Where is the line drawn?
And furthermore, between these two choices, do you like it more when a man is controlling or when you are in control?
I ask because a guy I know once got dumped for being OK with his girlfriend hanging out with a former fwb. She thought he was a wimp more than she cared for him being trusting. She wasn't happy that he didn't put up an effort to stop it and took it as a sign of weakness.
I don't know I'd as much call it "somewhat controlling" as I'd call it taking charge, but yeah, there are alot of women that are attracted to a man who takes charge.
Now, I don't know if jealousy as it is commonly known among people is an attractive trait, because that is often a sign of insecurity. A feeling of not being sure of yourself. However, I can see how protectiveness can be considered attractive.
I myself am often protective of people I care about. If I sense something dangerous coming around, I'd have my defenses up and I'd be ready to stand up and do what I can to make sure that my loved ones are safe.
There is a line to be drawn with protectiveness as well. It can get to a point where it actually insults the ones you want to protect. You have to allow them their space as well. Forcing anything is definitely not attractive, no matter what the intention is behind it.
I ask because a guy I know once got dumped for being OK with his girlfriend hanging out with a former fwb. She thought he was a wimp more than she cared for him being trusting. She wasn't happy that he didn't put up an effort to stop it and took it as a sign of weakness.
I think there might be more to this story. Otherwise, the EX should consider himself fortunate that he was tossed to the side by a dodged bullet.
My style of laid back also includes taking charge of the finances and organising most of our life because they are my strengths. I don't just sit back at all. I think it's more of a personality thing, I don't get upset at small stuff, I'm kind of a keep a stiff upper lip, not prone to mood swings, easy going. Everyone manifests things in a different way I guess.
I'm kinda the same way. In many cases I do keep a stiff upper lip (whatever that means ) I do find myself getting upset at small stuff, but at the same time I realize that that is my problem so I keep my cool until I am in an area to resolve my issue. I do have a lot of mood swings, but at the same time, I don't take it out on others. People generally feel safe around me.
I do try to be easy going, but if I sense you are trying to put one over on me, I will call that out.
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) I do find myself getting upset at small stuff, but at the same time I realize that that is my problem so I keep my cool until I am in an area to resolve my issue. I do have a lot of mood swings, but at the same time, I don't take it out on others. People generally feel safe around me. 
