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Old 09-09-2014, 03:34 PM
 
Location: SoCal again
20,764 posts, read 19,972,298 times
Reputation: 43163

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Quote:
Originally Posted by txtqueen View Post
What does that have to do with anything?
Sounds like a YES.
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Old 09-09-2014, 03:36 PM
 
Location: RI, MA, VT, WI, IL, CA, IN (that one sucked), KY
41,936 posts, read 36,957,550 times
Reputation: 40635
Quote:
Originally Posted by oh-eve View Post
Sounds like a YES.

Yeah. I used to smoke, not for 12 years now, but there is no doubt it affected my ability to make life happen. It is why I stopped.

Doesn't affect everyone that way, of course, but it does enough people.
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Old 09-09-2014, 03:37 PM
 
12,062 posts, read 10,271,962 times
Reputation: 24801
This guy might not be hopeless. He might change when he meets the right person. You are not the right person for him.

He is doing everything he can to get away from you and you are putting obstacles in his way.

Move a mattress? Those things are cheap - he can just buy a new one.
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Old 09-09-2014, 03:41 PM
 
Location: Wherever life takes me.
6,190 posts, read 7,972,786 times
Reputation: 3325
Quote:
Originally Posted by Ruth4Truth View Post
This is the type of strategy I've seen in child-rearing newspaper columns, about how to get a difficult 6-year-old to do what they're supposed to do. Withhold TV until they clean their room or do their homework.
Act like a child get treated like a child. I'm home cleaning instead of out doing something I rather do.
If this is what it takes to make him clean I don't care if its a method used on children, if my house gets clean then I am happy.
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Old 09-09-2014, 03:42 PM
 
Location: Wherever life takes me.
6,190 posts, read 7,972,786 times
Reputation: 3325
Quote:
Originally Posted by oh-eve View Post
Sounds like a YES.
I do at night before bed but that's it. I don't smoke unless its before bed. I used to smoke more but with how much I work I really can't.
He smokes more.
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Old 09-09-2014, 03:43 PM
 
Location: California side of the Sierras
11,162 posts, read 7,636,263 times
Reputation: 12523
Quote:
Originally Posted by txtqueen View Post
Act like a child get treated like a child. I'm home cleaning instead of out doing something I rather do.
If this is what it takes to make him clean I don't care if its a method used on children, if my house gets clean then I am happy.
Is this your idea of a healthy relationship?
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Old 09-09-2014, 03:44 PM
 
Location: a primitive state
11,395 posts, read 24,452,731 times
Reputation: 17477
You're a fool to stay with him.

Listen to the people who've been there done that. Your relationship is not going to get better. That's not how things work. Essentially, you've gotten to know the real person, not the guy from the honeymoon phase. Actions speak louder than words. HE DOES NOT CARE ABOUT YOU. He's a user and you're co-dependent. 1100 miles is not too far to catch a bus. If he gives a rats ass about himself he'll deal with his dog and his mattress without you. It's just not that hard.

You need to figure this stuff out and quit whining.
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Old 09-09-2014, 03:46 PM
 
Location: Wherever life takes me.
6,190 posts, read 7,972,786 times
Reputation: 3325
Quote:
Originally Posted by Clemencia53 View Post
This guy might not be hopeless. He might change when he meets the right person. You are not the right person for him.

He is doing everything he can to get away from you and you are putting obstacles in his way.

Move a mattress? Those things are cheap - he can just buy a new one.
Are you kidding me? He's not doing anything to leave right now. He isn't saving his money. He isn't doing anything but going to work and coming home and playing playstation.

I broke my back 4 months ago and here I am today cleaning everything. I am going to be in so much pain later but I rather be able to relax in a clean house than sitting in pain in this mess.

He doesn't have to take the mattress with him, but he can. I'm not keeping it. I'm getting a new one because I have to for my back. If he doesn't take it I am having it thrown out. His choice. Keep the giant king mattress we currently have or spend more money on a new one. Figured it would be easier if he didn't have to buy a new one. I just wake up in too much pain to continue sleeping on it.
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Old 09-09-2014, 03:46 PM
 
Location: Ohio
5,624 posts, read 6,844,919 times
Reputation: 6802
Let us know how hiding his controllers worked out....im going to say it didnt and wont.
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Old 09-09-2014, 03:48 PM
 
Location: London
12,275 posts, read 7,138,783 times
Reputation: 13661
I try to make it a fun thing for husband and I.

Plan out a few hours early Sun evening and make a date of it. Bake some rice krispie treats, put on some fun music, and take the opportunity to horse around together while cleaning.

Windex Wars, Vacuum Vulcan vs. Broom Boss, skating around the hardwood floors on dust cloths, etc. Let the games and laughter ensue!

Afterwards, enjoy those rice krispie treats together while watching a nice movie in the now clean house.

People often think of certain things as drudgery that you must do OR ELSE, but I'm personally more enthusiastic to do things if I see the positive in it.

And many others are the same way.
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