"But I want to pick you up at your place!" (men, lover)

[Teckeeee]

Originally Posted by stava

What do you mean by insecurity? My insecurity/lack of trust in him?

I hope it's ok I give you some objective feedback. If on the 3rd date with any woman, they didn't let me pick them up, I would wonder about them.

1. They don't trust me?
2. They are cheating on their SO
3. They are hiding something at their house they don't want me to see?

I am not implying any of these with you, but do see how that could be perceived?

[Dewdroplet76]

I don't recall ever dating a stranger - but I can understand why someone would need more than 3 dates to trust someone enough to give them their home address. However, regardless of that, it would totally turn me off for someone to be so pushy and not respect my feelings.

[stava]

Originally Posted by MJ7

Yes, which may be a sign that maybe you do not trust him, in which case you should let him know it isn't working out. After the first date you should have a better understanding of the individual. IF you aren't comfortable letting him know that knowledge then perhaps it's best to part ways. I like dating people I feel comfortable with, especially after the first date.

You can get some understanding of a person on the first date, but by no means do you have a full sense of who somebody is after the first date. Even the most intuitive person can miss things on a first date. It's only one date - some people can hide who they really are for quite some time.

[stava]

Originally Posted by Teckeeee

I am not implying any of these with you, but do see how that could be perceived?

I do. But frankly, I don't care how it's being perceived by the other person. My priority is my boundaries, and if I'm feeling uneasy, I am not concerned if my discomfort is hurting another person's feelings.

[Teckeeee]

Originally Posted by stava

I do. But frankly, I don't care how it's being perceived by the other person. My priority is my boundaries, and if I'm feeling uneasy, I am not concerned if my discomfort is hurting another person's feelings.

I agree with everything you said. Good luck.

[exit82]

Originally Posted by Padgett2

He probably thought that you might be trying to hide something,,,,,,,like a husband or kids.

That's what I'm thinking too- in fact on many lists of "Is your guy/girl a Cheater" this exact scenario rates right up there-

ON THE OTHER HAND I totally understand your reasoning and applaud you for your high standards. Much better to be safe than .............whatever

[NilaJones]

For me, there is an age factor.

A guy in his teens who does not understand enough about women's intelligent reactions to safety issues in society, well, he is just young and doesn't know yet.

But a guy who is 30 or above and doesn't get this stuff -- either he has never had a close female friend, lover, or relative, or he has some political point to prove, or he has control issues. None of which are things I want to get involved with. I just want to have fun .

[MJ7]

Originally Posted by NilaJones

For me, there is an age factor.

A guy in his teens who does not understand enough about women's intelligent reactions to safety issues in society, well, he is just young and doesn't know yet.

But a guy who is 30 or above and doesn't get this stuff -- either he has never had a close female friend, lover, or relative, or he has some political point to prove, or he has control issues. None of which are things I want to get involved with. I just want to have fun .

And women complain about sexism....

[Meyerland]

I can see why the OP wasn't into the guy picking her up. Another thread on CD clued me in that some men think entry into the girls home equals agreement to have sex.

Maybe that's why he insisted so much.

[NilaJones]

Originally Posted by MJ7

And women complain about sexism....

I don't understand how you can make this into a gender thing.

It's the same thing with women -- young girls might not know certain things about the problems men face, but women with some life experience should.