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A guy in his teens who does not understand enough about women's intelligent reactions to safety issues in society, well, he is just young and doesn't know yet.
But a guy who is 30 or above and doesn't get this stuff -- either he has never had a close female friend, lover, or relative, or he has some political point to prove, or he has control issues. None of which are things I want to get involved with. I just want to have fun .
Good point. This is true for many dating issues across all genders. Most of us are pretty clueless about dating in our teens and even early 20's, but with practice we hopefully figure some of these things out.
But a guy who is 30 or above and doesn't get this stuff -- either he has never had a close female friend, lover, or relative, or he has some political point to prove, or he has control issues. None of which are things I want to get involved with. I just want to have fun .
I think it was control issues in his case. I think that he was trying to "win" me (as he "wins" in business) and part of that "winning" was being the knight in shining armor and coming to pick me up in his fancy car at my house.
When I wouldn't let him, I took away from his image of himself as "winner". I honestly feel that's what it was. Which is when I sensed, wow, this isn't about ME at all. It's all about him. He doesn't actually care what I want!
That was my thought, too. In a way that's worse, really. If it was just a matter of him not "getting it" he could learn it and be better, but if it's a personality issue (as it appears to be), it's not likely to change.
I think it was control issues in his case. I think that he was trying to "win" me (as he "wins" in business) and part of that "winning" was being the knight in shining armor and coming to pick me up in his fancy car at my house.
When I wouldn't let him, I took away from his image of himself as "winner". I honestly feel that's what it was. Which is when I sensed, wow, this isn't about ME at all. It's all about him. He doesn't actually care what I want!
Sorry to hear it.
Dating is so much more fun when it's about two people who really like each other, and want to get to know each other, not one person trying to act out some internal psychodrama and using you as a prop.
Dating is so much more fun when it's about two people who really like each other, and want to get to know each other, not one person trying to act out some internal psychodrama and using you as a prop.
Sex is, too.
Well said.
It was the "him" show. And I was the next trophy (object) to be won. Not happening.
OP, I understand your point about comfort levels and respecting boundaries. But it sounds like he just wasn't your type to begin with and ditching him for this reason seems to be a farce to avoid telling him why you don't like him. If you weren't affronted by his "board room" take on dating, wouldn't you have just said something to him like, "I'm not your subordinate, take it down a notch." and give him a chance to reassess his behaviors? You have no obligation to do that of course, but the bottom line seems to be that you just don't like him. Which is great. It only took 3 dates to realize it and you're moving on.
To some of the others... I've never seen so many "adults" convinced the world is full of stalker men as there seem to be on C-D. What a horribly depressing way of thinking.
He knows your name, he knows your friends and he's been on three dates with you so he's got a ton of personal information on your that you didn't even think twice about sharing. He knows where you work, what you do, probably your college and major, pets, food preferences, he's already likely seen your facebook page or another social media page, and he knows your general age.
As a casual net jockey, trust me when I tell you the information he already has is more than enough to track you down, if he was so inclined. You're not that interesting. He's just pushy. (And when I say "you" I'm referring to the "OMG!!! He wants to STALK ME!!" people. Not the OP.)
I feel the same way you do for the first couple of dates, but if I don't trust a guy by the 3rd date, I shouldn't be dating him.
I've seen that show Who The Bleep Did I Marry? enough times to realize there are some people you never really know and that it's best to keep your distance while you figure out who they are and then stay away. Good going, Stava, I totally agree.
OP, I understand your point about comfort levels and respecting boundaries. But it sounds like he just wasn't your type to begin with and ditching him for this reason seems to be a farce to avoid telling him why you don't like him. If you weren't affronted by his "board room" take on dating, wouldn't you have just said something to him like, "I'm not your subordinate, take it down a notch." and give him a chance to reassess his behaviors? You have no obligation to do that of course, but the bottom line seems to be that you just don't like him. Which is great. It only took 3 dates to realize it and you're moving on.
To some of the others... I've never seen so many "adults" convinced the world is full of stalker men as there seem to be on C-D. What a horribly depressing way of thinking.
He knows your name, he knows your friends and he's been on three dates with you so he's got a ton of personal information on your that you didn't even think twice about sharing. He knows where you work, what you do, probably your college and major, pets, food preferences, he's already likely seen your facebook page or another social media page, and he knows your general age.
As a casual net jockey, trust me when I tell you the information he already has is more than enough to track you down, if he was so inclined. You're not that interesting. He's just pushy. (And when I say "you" I'm referring to the "OMG!!! He wants to STALK ME!!" people. Not the OP.)
It's not a farce. Like I mentioned before, I was having reservations about him but this was the straw that broke the camel's back.
As far as stalking, you truly don't know what a person is capable of. Like the "Who the Bleep Did I Marry?" comment above mine, you never know who someone really is. I personally err on the side of caution all the time. As a woman, you have to.
Also, it may not be that he stalks you. It may be that he is just trying to get you alone, get you to his house, etc. And when you're dealing with someone who has a lot of money and is very into "winning" as I was, you don't know to what length they'll go to get what they want.
I was set up with this guy through a mutual friend. By the second date, he was asking to pick me up at my place. I said no, I'm not comfortable with that, I'd rather meet you out. He seemed a little baffled by that, but stayed quiet about it.
Move onto the third date and he is basically insisting that he pick me up at my place. Again, I said no, I am still getting to know you and I'd prefer to meet you out. Instead of just accepting that that was my comfort level, he got very defensive and started to push back. This was the final nail in the coffin. There will be no fourth date.
Guys, if a woman isn't comfortable with something, just let it be. If you really care about someone, you don't want them to feel uncomfortable or pushed into something they don't want to do. Respect a woman's boundaries. Don't take it personally and get defensive and make it all about you.
I've seen that show Who The Bleep Did I Marry? enough times to realize there are some people you never really know and that it's best to keep your distance while you figure out who they are and then stay away. Good going, Stava, I totally agree.
If you never really know someone, how do you "figure out who they are"?
If you followed your own advice/logic, you'd never have anyone over.
You can live life like everyone is out to get you, but what a sad way to live. The guy from stava's story had some red flags, so that's understandable, but when you meet someone who doesn't send flags flying, it's simple paranoia to be afraid of them for a prolonged period of time.
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