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Yep, it's true. Even worse, I've never even so much as held a girl's hand. How is that even possible you ask? Well....
I've always been pretty socially awkward, and up until recently, quite happy to be alone. Not just in the relationship sense either. I'm just not particularly social, and have always preferred my own company to that of others. I mean don't get me wrong, I always had desires, but it just didn't seem worth the effort to put myself out there, considering that my self confidence was/is pretty low. I found distractions with school, and then work, putting all of my time and energy into those things. Never really seemed like that big of a deal that I wasn't dating and doing all of the things that "normal" people do.
About a year or so ago however, it all hit me at once. I guess it was partially because I could feel 30 bearing down on me and just then realized how much time I had let slip by. I was also suffering from depression and social anxiety though as it turns out. I'm on meds now, and I must say that it completely changed my perspective on many things. Insurmountable obstacles just didn't seem like a big deal any more. All of a sudden, I wanted all those "normal" things. Not just sex, but someone in my life.
I'm afraid I haven't been any more successful in the past year than I had been the first 29 though. Now I'm beginning to wonder if maybe I simply missed the boat. I'm completely clueless when it comes to women and dating, and where a younger man might be given a pass on his inexperience, a man in his thirties is expected to know what he is doing. I've tried online dating and not gotten so much as a single date out of it. Real world socializing is even worse. I live in a small town and there really just aren't that many things to do. I'd try to go out on evenings/weekends but I honestly don't know where to go. We don't even have a damn coffee shop where I live.
I don't know what I expect out of this post. I guess I just need to talk about it and hopefully get some advice that will help me move forward. I'm frustrated/lonely/horny like 24/7 now and it's really starting to take it's toll. I'm not hot, but far from ugly, yet I feel completely incapable of attracting a woman. Is all hope lost? Should I go pick out a few cats and just resign myself to my fate?
Yep, it's true. Even worse, I've never even so much as held a girl's hand. How is that even possible you ask? Well....
I've always been pretty socially awkward, and up until recently, quite happy to be alone. Not just in the relationship sense either. I'm just not particularly social, and have always preferred my own company to that of others. I mean don't get me wrong, I always had desires, but it just didn't seem worth the effort to put myself out there, considering that my self confidence was/is pretty low. I found distractions with school, and then work, putting all of my time and energy into those things. Never really seemed like that big of a deal that I wasn't dating and doing all of the things that "normal" people do.
About a year or so ago however, it all hit me at once. I guess it was partially because I could feel 30 bearing down on me and just then realized how much time I had let slip by. I was also suffering from depression and social anxiety though as it turns out. I'm on meds now, and I must say that it completely changed my perspective on many things. Insurmountable obstacles just didn't seem like a big deal any more. All of a sudden, I wanted all those "normal" things. Not just sex, but someone in my life.
I'm afraid I haven't been any more successful in the past year than I had been the first 29 though. Now I'm beginning to wonder if maybe I simply missed the boat. I'm completely clueless when it comes to women and dating, and where a younger man might be given a pass on his inexperience, a man in his thirties is expected to know what he is doing. I've tried online dating and not gotten so much as a single date out of it. Real world socializing is even worse. I live in a small town and there really just aren't that many things to do. I'd try to go out on evenings/weekends but I honestly don't know where to go. We don't even have a damn coffee shop where I live.
I don't know what I expect out of this post. I guess I just need to talk about it and hopefully get some advice that will help me move forward. I'm frustrated/lonely/horny like 24/7 now and it's really starting to take it's toll. I'm not hot, but far from ugly, yet I feel completely incapable of attracting a woman. Is all hope lost? Should I go pick out a few cats and just resign myself to my fate?
You can read my old thread about it. I doubt the answers I got will be any different than the ones you get.
Instead going to pick cats go to a place where you can meet woman
Haha, where might that be though? Like I said, I live in a small town and there aren't that many options. I'm not really into frequenting bars, and even if I was, the closest one of note is about 70 miles.
I really think that irl encounters would help you a lot better than OLD. I think OLD is fine for people who are already adept at dating in real life, but can be horrible experiences for those who don't have experience. You may have to put some miles on the odometer in order to get out. Find the closest city with some population, and get on Craigslist, and look up Activities, Groups, and Volunteers, and start there. You need to get involved in something that interests you that might also attract women. I hate to admit this, but years ago, an ex got me to go to dance classes. That was some of the best advice given to me by any female. There were small groups of women who went to learn to Salsa Swing dance etc.....plenty of them, where they ended up dancing with each other, since not enough men were there. It was a fantastic place for a guy to meet women. BTW, it builds confidence, because once you have the knowledge, it's pretty sweet to be able to own it when you walk into a club.
You just need to do whatever it takes to place yourself amongst women of your age group. Small towns have their charm, but not when you are a single male, so IMO going to a neighboring city, within a 100 miles would be your best best......if there isn't a place within 100 miles, move!!
Yep, it's true. Even worse, I've never even so much as held a girl's hand. How is that even possible you ask? Well....
I've always been pretty socially awkward, and up until recently, quite happy to be alone. Not just in the relationship sense either. I'm just not particularly social, and have always preferred my own company to that of others. I mean don't get me wrong, I always had desires, but it just didn't seem worth the effort to put myself out there, considering that my self confidence was/is pretty low. I found distractions with school, and then work, putting all of my time and energy into those things. Never really seemed like that big of a deal that I wasn't dating and doing all of the things that "normal" people do.
About a year or so ago however, it all hit me at once. I guess it was partially because I could feel 30 bearing down on me and just then realized how much time I had let slip by. I was also suffering from depression and social anxiety though as it turns out. I'm on meds now, and I must say that it completely changed my perspective on many things. Insurmountable obstacles just didn't seem like a big deal any more. All of a sudden, I wanted all those "normal" things. Not just sex, but someone in my life.
I'm afraid I haven't been any more successful in the past year than I had been the first 29 though. Now I'm beginning to wonder if maybe I simply missed the boat. I'm completely clueless when it comes to women and dating, and where a younger man might be given a pass on his inexperience, a man in his thirties is expected to know what he is doing. I've tried online dating and not gotten so much as a single date out of it. Real world socializing is even worse. I live in a small town and there really just aren't that many things to do. I'd try to go out on evenings/weekends but I honestly don't know where to go. We don't even have a damn coffee shop where I live.
I don't know what I expect out of this post. I guess I just need to talk about it and hopefully get some advice that will help me move forward. I'm frustrated/lonely/horny like 24/7 now and it's really starting to take it's toll. I'm not hot, but far from ugly, yet I feel completely incapable of attracting a woman. Is all hope lost? Should I go pick out a few cats and just resign myself to my fate?
Pfft. You'll survive I was a virgin 1 more decade than you. Beat that! Your post does remind me of me. I am married now so if I can find someone at age 40, what more you?
That's all you need realizing how much time you wasted of your OWN doing. All you need is to find your self worth, self esteem. And everything will follow through. Good luck.
You don't have to be a virgin at 30 to be clueless about dating. I had been in a long term relationship throughout most of my 20s and we broke up when I was about to turn 31. So I had to figure out dating all over again.
I know a guy at church who stated he was a virgin up until he was 33 years old. This guy is no dork/loser either. He's a great dresser, drives a nice car, talks with much confidence, deep voice, relatively tall, black, and not a bad looking guy.
My point, you are 30, although you may have inexperience, you definitely have not missed the boat. You have enough youth left to get started. You mention that you're from a small town, you may want to try traveling. Is there a relatively larger city close by? Maybe drive there one weekend or maybe even consider relocating if reasonable.
Don't forget to invest in yourself either. Join a gym, get a new hobby, learn a new instrument, learn a new language, read self help books, anything. Make sure you have enough to preoccupy yourself with things that you can do to boost your self esteem. Be sure you're getting your validation from life, not from women. Everything else will fall into place after that, including women.
BTW...have you tried this website? meetup.com
Check and see if they might have a social group in your area.
Look at it as a blessing instead of a curse. Your
better off than alot of men who could never wait.
Especially if they picked up a transmitted disease.
Look at it as a blessing instead of a curse. Your
better off than alot of men who could never wait.
Especially if they picked up a transmitted disease.
Honestly this isn't really true. I mean yeah if you develop AIDS or something horrible and incurable, but I mean most STD's can be cured. And those that can't like herpes are more common than people think. I mean I'm not trying to discourage OP. Sex is normal and he should seek it but lets not pretend that being a 30 year old virgin is something normal or even admirable. I mean the fact that he will have to hide it in order to get laid just says it all.
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