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If you read my post--I don't need the cash. I make a VERY good salary and am perfectly fine dating someone who makes less than I do. If I want something--I buy it myself. He had no confidence and didn't know who he was as a person. That's different than all substance, no cash. Very much so.
I did read your post, and understand you are perfectly able to provide for yourself. But, one of the problems you cited was that your (former) boyfriend felt he would never make enough money to provide for you.
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...and didn't know who he was as a person
Maybe he should take a look at his driver's license; that might help.
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FYI for all those guys who say we aren't in the right places--I went out first by myself then met up with a girlfriend Friday, ran (I run 5Ks), shopped, dinner out on Saturday, and ran, Church, and yoga on Sunday. As well as shopping at Whole Foods. I got many stares, many mutterings of "hot damn" etc as I walked past (we CAN hear you and yes, it's rude) and numerous doors, etc open. I had to go to the locker room from my yoga studio at the gym....stares.
Did a single one of these guys talk to me? Nope. Did I smile at some? Yup. And said thank you when doors were opened, etc.
Now maybe, just maybe, most of these guys were at the grocery store to buy groceries, or at the gym to work out (crazy thought, I know). Maybe they weren't there to meet women; quote possibly they already had wives or girlfriends. By the way, when did holding a door for someone mean she was super attractive? If I open a door for an elderly person, I do it out of courtesy, not because I think he or she is attractive.
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Originally Posted by cpg35223
The world is brimming over with beautiful, intelligent, warm, and engaging women. All you have to do is stop ignoring them.
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Yup, exactly.
Suppose one of these guys at Whole Foods or the gym comes up and says, how about we get together for coffee and discuss the merits of "The Great Gatsby" or whether George Orwell's narrative was transparent and lame? But you don't find him particularly attractive. What are you going to say?
We won't know if a guy/girl is nice or not until we approach them and see what they are up to. A girl can't complain she doesn't meet nice guys if she doesn't do her part. Just sitting there acting cute waiting for a guy to approach her doesn't do much. Like you said, group activities sounds like a good option. May ease off the pressure some may feel in clubs and bars.
Can you be more specific about women doing "their part"? I think most women of any age send signals to men they're interested in and encourage them, as best they can, to ask them out and to continue to ask them out.
But if you're expecting women to routinely make the first move, that's self-serving. As I said in earlier posts, if a woman has to make the first move and continue to do much of the work in developing the relationship, then the man simply is not interested in her enough. That's what I was taught growing up, that's what I've always found to be true - almost without fail -and that's what I teach my 18-year old daughter.
The Just Not That Into You concept, though somewhat simplistic, is pretty reliable. If you have a problem with it, take it up with the men who teach it. Men like my dad. I dare ya.
Can you be more specific about women doing "their part"? I think most women of any age send signals to men they're interested in and encourage them, as best they can, to ask them out and to continue to ask them out.
But if you're expecting women to routinely make the first move, that's self-serving. As I said in earlier posts, if a woman has to make the first move and continue to do much of the work in developing the relationship, then the man simply is not interested in her enough. That's what I was taught growing up, that's what I've always found to be true - almost without fail -and that's what I teach my 18-year old daughter.
The Just Not That Into You concept, though somewhat simplistic, is pretty reliable. If you have a problem with it, take it up with the men who teach it. Men like my dad. I dare ya.
So if these women have trouble dating you suggest that they should just continue to sit around until men make the first move?
So if these women have trouble dating you suggest that they should just continue to sit around until men make the first move?
"These women"? I AM one of those women. Let's just say I have a less-than-ideal dating life. But I'm not going to pursue a man who isn't interested ENOUGH to suitably pursue me.
As I asked before, why would ANY woman want to go out, or to pursue a relationship, with a guy who hasn't shown sufficient and consistent interest in her?
"These women"? I AM one of those women. Let's just say I have a less-than-ideal dating life. But I'm not going to pursue a man who isn't interested ENOUGH to suitably pursue me.
As I asked before, why would ANY woman want to go out, or to pursue a relationship, with a guy who hasn't shown sufficient and consistent interest in her?
Some guys need to be hit over the head, to wake up to women's attention. But once they get the message, they follow through on their own. Some just need a nudge. Or a club over the head. But they can be really sweet guys.
Some guys need to be hit over the head, to wake up to women's attention. But once they get the message, they follow through on their own. Some just need a nudge. Or a club over the head. But they can be really sweet guys.
Oh, I never said they aren't perfectly nice, upstanding guys. I said they're not sufficiently interested in the woman to consistently and clearly show it. If a man's interest level is ambiguous, his attempts to be with her will be ambiguous, as well. It really is true MOST of the time.
Last edited by newdixiegirl; 04-21-2015 at 09:04 PM..
Oh, I never said they aren't perfectly nice, upstanding guys. I said they're not sufficiently interested enough in the woman to consistently and clearly show it. If a man's interest level is ambiguous, his attempts to be with her will be ambiguous, as well. It really is true MOST of the time.
Fair enough but just her initiating the first contact does not absolutely indicate a lack of interest.
Fair enough but just her initiating the first contact does not absolutely indicate a lack of interest.
Most of the time, if a man doesn't bother to get around initiating contact with a woman and asking her out in a reasonable length of time, he's just not that into her.
Most of the time, if a man doesn't bother to get around initiating contact with a woman and asking her out in a reasonable length of time, he's just not that into her.
We'll have to agree to disagree then. I don't believe in following some hard fast rule. Sometimes it's true sometimes it isn't.
Most of the time, if a man doesn't bother to get around initiating contact with a woman and asking her out in a reasonable length of time, he's just not that into her.
I know of a number of marriages that have resulted from the woman making the first move. An overt move, not batting her eyelashes at him, "orbiting", or other subtle gestures. Shy or initially passive guys become very active once it dawns on them that the seemingly miraculous has occurred: serious female interest has entered their airspace. That's different, though, from the JNTIY phenomenon, where the guy will give mixed signals without ever taking the initiative, even after she gets the ball rolling. If you throw the ball into his court, and he doesn't pick it up and run with it, well, then he's JNTIY.
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