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Well, sounds like you were dealt a lousy hand. It doesn't sound like he really cares about working on the relationship because it's working for him just the way things are. Since you didn't love each other when you got married - it's going to be hard to get him to try to make things better for you. Most couples work on their relationship because they love each other. When you take that out of the equation, you aren't left with much.
No. I didnt know him. I spoke with him for a month over the phone before getting married; we were in 2 different countries at that time. I met him twice before getting married. thats all.
In my culture, arranged marriages by parents is pretty normal.
I'm guessing you won't be getting a divorce either so nothing we say can help you. I guess you just have to suck it up. Maybe start taking birth control so you won't be tied to the house forever while he has his harem of women on the side.
I am serious. Where I am from (One of the Asian countries), it is quite common.
My apologies, I keep forgetting there are still arranged marriage by family that the intended still allows to happen in their lives.
All I can say is good luck.
I am curious though, have you told your family what he is doing and how he treats you?
Do they regret arranging this particular marriage?
Just wanted to know your perspective here. My husband goes out with his buddies almost every week. He says he is going out for a couple of beers but he leaves home at 6 PM and returns home only around 3 AM.
Is this common?
I have a 3 year old at home and I am expecting my second one in August. I have some pregnancy condition which makes me very tired by EOD. He has always been like this. This is nothing new.
So, i am just wondering, how often do you guys go? Is it wrong on my part to expect him to stay at home or at least return home at a reasonable time.
My ex husband use to do this 2-3 times a week. Eventually he would stay gone for days and he was shocked when I moved out. I was not willing to stay just to clean, cook and do his laundry.
In your situation, if you feel there are times he is running out with his friends and you NEED the help, have ASKED for the help, and he has rejected giving up some friend time or changing it on occasion to provide the help, then I would say that is a problem.
Actually, I have not specifically asked him to stay back. See what happens when something doesnt go in his way is that he makes the whole evening miserable for me. Like he would either pick up a fight over a small thing or in general sulk around. So, even when I need him, I dont ask for his help because at the end of the day, the goodness of him being home is a lot less than the resentment (for the lack of better word) he displays when he does stay home.
He always had control issues. In all honesty, when we were trying for a second baby, it was OK,. then things started going downhill. One by one. I dont want to take a life changing decision now in this year since I already have another life changing event happening soon (birth of my son coming august). I dont feel that I am up to coping with 2 major changes in one year.
So, I am going counseling to keep myself sane and focussed on the things that matter the most; my 3 girl and my yet-to be-born boy. I dont know if its the right thing to do. maybe I am just making excuses and buying time here but I dont feel the time is right for separation.
I'm guessing you won't be getting a divorce either so nothing we say can help you. I guess you just have to suck it up. Maybe start taking birth control so you won't be tied to the house forever while he has his harem of women on the side.
oh no no, I am not Muslim. And I also am highly educated and hold a successful job. My parents know about the situation at home. They said that **** happens but they sure could not have predicted this to happen. They support me with whatever decision I take.
Just wanted to know your perspective here. My husband goes out with his buddies almost every week. He says he is going out for a couple of beers but he leaves home at 6 PM and returns home only around 3 AM.
Is this common?
I have a 3 year old at home and I am expecting my second one in August. I have some pregnancy condition which makes me very tired by EOD. He has always been like this. This is nothing new.
So, i am just wondering, how often do you guys go? Is it wrong on my part to expect him to stay at home or at least return home at a reasonable time.
No, it's not. Going out after work once/wk with buddies for a beer at the sports bar? No problem. Staying out past dinner and then past midnight until 3 a.m. every time? Not at all normal. "A couple of beers" don't take 9 hours (count 'em: IX) to down. Guys who go out with their buddies after work are usually home by dinnertime. Even midnight would be excessive, let alone 3 a.m. ESPECIALLY with a small child at home and one incubating.
Last edited by Ruth4Truth; 04-29-2015 at 11:24 AM..
I am curious though, have you told your family what he is doing and how he treats you?
Do they regret arranging this particular marriage?
My parents feel awful about it but thats all there is to it. the harm is done. They will (they said so) support me in what ever decison I make. They are not one of those conservative parents (like many in my community) where they expect the woman to stick with her husband no matter what.
oh no no, I am not Muslim. And I also am highly educated and hold a successful job. My parents know about the situation at home. They said that **** happens but they sure could not have predicted this to happen. They support me with whatever decision I take.
Actually, I have not specifically asked him to stay back. See what happens when something doesnt go in his way is that he makes the whole evening miserable for me. Like he would either pick up a fight over a small thing or in general sulk around. So, even when I need him, I dont ask for his help because at the end of the day, the goodness of him being home is a lot less than the resentment (for the lack of better word) he displays when he does stay home.
He always had control issues. In all honesty, when we were trying for a second baby, it was OK,. then things started going downhill. One by one. I dont want to take a life changing decision now in this year since I already have another life changing event happening soon (birth of my son coming august). I dont feel that I am up to coping with 2 major changes in one year.
So, I am going counseling to keep myself sane and focussed on the things that matter the most; my 3 girl and my yet-to be-born boy. I dont know if its the right thing to do. maybe I am just making excuses and buying time here but I dont feel the time is right for separation.
You've married a child. You will soon have 3 children to coddle, not just 2. Was he like this when you were dating, and engaged? I always wonder how people get into situations like this, and find themselves surprised. Sometimes the need to control, and other issues, are hidden until after the wedding. But usually there's some clue beforehand.
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