Niece is born: GF couldn't care less (women, child, call)
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She's been your GF for 3 years. You should be able to say "Sweetie, it seems to me you aren't very excited about the birth of little Hortensia. Why is that?".
My husband's niece had a baby about nine months ago. So, great-niece? Anyhow, he just met the baby for the first time the other day. I still haven't. My in-laws didn't bat an eye over my DH not being interested - and he really isn't but it's nothing against the niece or the baby. Neither one of us know the niece well at all to begin with.
My SIL and MIL sure grumbled about it though, ME not rushing over to meet the baby. This is despite the fact my SIL has only met her own nieces and nephews (our kids, DH and me) who are in their 20's barely a handful of times. I am seriously talking less than five times and our oldest is 25 years old. I'm not talking about a stepkid situation either....this woman is my kids' aunt. We all live in the same general area but my SIL was never interested in her own extended family until her husband of 30+ years dumped her a few years back.
Long story short is I would bet the OP's mom also has weird gender role expectations of the GF and this baby sitch because the GF is obviously female and "should" be interested in babies, blah blah.
Your mom sounds like my MIL, it's exhausting. Everything she does comes with strings attached and if one plays that game, they soon figure out the goal posts are constantly moving.
If I were your GF and knew your mom was a scorekeeper, I'd steer clear of her too. She knows your mom will complain no matter what she does. If your GF responded to the email, your mom would take issue with something in the response and complain about that. Thats what scorekeepers do because they're never happy. They can find negative where it doesn't even exist because they WANT to. Sounds like you're ok with your family trying to scapegoat your GF.
Why does your GF have to be excited about that particular baby? What's wrong with her being excited about someone else's baby? Why do you care so much?
If your mom is so excited about being a new grandparent, why is she focused on your GF right now?
I got that impression, too. At most, I might send the OP's brother and wife an email, or sign the card that goes with the gift the OP is most assuredly bringing when he sees the kid (right, OP?). But I would do so with the knowledge that no matter what I did, they're going to find fault with it and it's never going to be enough. That's why I wouldn't go out of my way to see the kid, because you just know the OP's mother is going to try to get at least one backhanded jab in.
It gets to a point where a partner just can't be arsed with suffering through "character-building" interactions with their beloved's family for the sake of their beloved, especially if they're with the person for a number of years and there has been no talk of a higher commitment or marriage. I actually told my last ex, "Hey, don't expect me to put up with this nonsense at these command performances as though I'm a member of your family when I'm NOT a member of your family." I knew perfectly well from those odious people that had I fired back as though I were a member of the family, like my ex's brother did on occasion, they would be all offended and remind me of just how I'm not family. My ex would have gotten bent, too. Total double standard, with expecting a GF to bear the responsibilities and crosses of being part of a family, with almost none of the benefits.
Seriously, I'm not getting why this is such a surprise or head-scratcher to the OP. I'm guessing it's not.
I'm wondering if he didn't post with the expectation that others would weigh in on the side of "Your GF is being hypocritical and unreasonable, you're right, we don't get why she's not responding better to your family, either!"
My husband's niece had a baby about nine months ago. So, great-niece? Anyhow, he just met the baby for the first time the other day. I still haven't. My in-laws didn't bat an eye over my DH not being interested - and he really isn't but it's nothing against the niece or the baby. Neither one of us know the niece well at all to begin with.
My SIL and MIL sure grumbled about it though, ME not rushing over to meet the baby. This is despite the fact my SIL has only met her own nieces and nephews (our kids, DH and me) who are in their 20's barely a handful of times. I am seriously talking less than five times and our oldest is 25 years old. I'm not talking about a stepkid situation either....this woman is my kids' aunt. We all live in the same general area but my SIL was never interested in her own extended family until her husband of 30+ years dumped her a few years back.
Long story short is I would bet the OP's mom also has weird gender role expectations of the GF and this baby sitch because the GF is obviously female and "should" be interested in babies, blah blah.
The family sounds insufferable. I'd run.
A baby is a precious gift, but unless I am the immediate family, like a grandparent, I really don't feel like getting all gushy about it. People act like nobody ever had a baby before.
A baby is a precious gift, but unless I am the immediate family, like a grandparent, I really don't feel like getting all gushy about it. People act like nobody ever had a baby before.
I agree. I don't have grandkids yet but I can imagine I would be way more excited about that than a random relative's new baby. I don't get too over the edge about babies/kids.
Considering your previous posts regarding issues with extended family, this shouldn't surprise you.
I'm not sure there is solution here.
Everyone has already drawn their lines in the sand.
It's just a matter of one person stepping over before a war break out.
I can say from experience that there is no solution. The OP will need to make a very difficult choice if he chooses to stay with his GF. Not that I think there is anything wrong with her, but the family will never ever accept her and it will not get better. It will get smoothed over on the surface but then get drug out again every time the gf blinks "funny." It might could work if the OP were very strong and would stand up for his GF, but I'm not reading much chance of that.
I had in-laws like this for years and for years I tried to make nice in hopes that they'd realize how great I am, but I finally gave up and then when he left it was a huge relief and then what do you think happened next? Yeah, suddenly they liked me and stood by me and it turned out that they had never liked him, and they said that was why they were bad to me. I enjoyed their change of heart for a little while but there was too much said and done and I finally let them go and have never looked back, but not without having my say. Some people are just poisonous.
Seriously, I'm not getting why this is such a surprise or head-scratcher to the OP. I'm guessing it's not.
I'm wondering if he didn't post with the expectation that others would weigh in on the side of "Your GF is being hypocritical and unreasonable, you're right, we don't get why she's not responding better to your family, either!"
He's adopting the mannarisms of his mom, he's already stated he visited her family blah blah so she owes him to do the same. Strings attached. And it will only get worse as he spends time with mom discussing anything relating to her
The only solution is to move away. Whether he is with this girl forever or not, any girl mom would like would be someone he'd have a hell of a life with. Because Moms only going to like a Smuck like she is. Someone Mom can control
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Some people are just poisonous.
