if she/he says he has genital herpes... deal breaker? (man, kiss)
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Location: RI, MA, VT, WI, IL, CA, IN (that one sucked), KY
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Faith2187
I always ask men to get tested. The Hpv is true, so you got me there, but herpes can be tested and if a guy has it I won't mess with him. Sorry I don't want sores and sh&& on my cooch. From what I know it's painful. People who have it but rarely get outbreaks are lucky but I could contract it and be one of the unlucky ones. No thanks.
Fair enough. Though remember, when you ask people if they've been tested, HSV2 isn't part of a normal STD screen. Most places don't or won't do it, and it isn't part of the when you go to a doctor or std clinic "I want to be tested for STDs" screening... I don't think most people realize that even now.
You probably know that. I can't even get that screen at my regular doctor's office.
If you had begun dating someone who said they had genital herpes from a prior relationship, would that be a deal breaker or not? and Why?
I have a friend who revealed to me that a prior lover unfortunately gave her genital herpes. She's on medicine now for outbreaks and although minimized there is still a small risk of contracting the virus during sex.
If you were in the beginning stages of a romantic relationship and your significant other revealed this, what would you do?
Even though a lot of us have herpes, not everyone has outbreaks. Its not like you can go back to not having them. No, I couldn't do it. You may as well marry them if you do, and you may as well be in it for the long haul because you severely limit your options if you don't. I'd do it for love, but not casually.
People with herpes should not lie. Especially if the other person has their own situation they're dealing with. I'm not saying that the other person is not wrong for cheating on their partner with someone that has herpes, or cheating in general. But I am saying that two wrongs do not make it right.
In my experience the easiest action you'll find is with someone with herpes. I almost found myself on the wrong side of the equation a few times. Sure I was wrong for walking outside of the house without telling my wife where I was going. But that doesn't mean that she deserves the gift that never stops giving either.
I've always been told upfront, and while we remained friends, the romance ceased to exist. If I were single at the time, maybe that would not have been the case. I don't know what you guys do in your spare time but I think your lovers deserve to know; regardless of how who feels what way about the other.
Location: RI, MA, VT, WI, IL, CA, IN (that one sucked), KY
41,936 posts, read 36,974,024 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by goofy328
People with herpes should not lie. Especially if the other person has their own situation they're dealing with. I'm not saying that the other person is not wrong for cheating on their partner with someone that has herpes, or cheating in general. But I am saying that two wrongs do not make it right.
People shouldn't lie in general, but remember, most people have no idea they have it.
People shouldn't lie in general, but remember, most people have no idea they have it.
True. But most people don't know that they're mixed race either. That's the point I'm trying to make. It's like knowing when you're going to die.
Besides, if I have it and I never have outbreaks why would I chance that I start having outbreaks, because I introduce a different strain into my system. I don't buy the argument that we all have it, so we may as well. That's like peer pressure, part of what is wrong with society we're all pacifists and we go with the flow.
I would have sex with someone with herpes I am committed to. Then if I get it, what I already had progressed, whatever then I can live with myself. Most people can accept that. But just being in the mood, and someone with was around and I did it anyway people can't respect that. It makes me look desperate. I figure if you are going to be with someone with something they can't get rid of treat it with respect and dignity.
Also there's nothing wrong with being mixed. I was just saying there are a lot of things people don't know about themselves. But that doesn't necessarily mean that they should know, if it will never amount to anything.
I don't care how she got the virus, I think it was pretty messed up to not disclose it ASAP.
What were you expecting, "Hi, I'm Jane. I have herpes?"
That information is on a need-to-know basis, and on your first two dates, you didn't need to know.
Do you walk around handing out copies of your medical records to everyone on the first date? My guess is you don't. My guess is that you first determine if you even like this person enough to spend more than an hour with her. Then you get a sense of her character and decide if you are interested in possibly dating her.
So I take it people with herpes at having sex without telling people they have herpes. Which I figured as much. The irony of it is that people are just as wrong for having sex outside of marriage as people with herpes are wrong for not telling people.
Ironic that the closest I ever came to herpes, was after I had been married for a while, and I found myself in precarious situations. Before you know it you're looking for cold sores. If not today maybe tomorrow, if not tomorrow maybe 3 months now. It's a long time to hold your breath. One of the reasons I always tell my wife about my whereabouts.
People just rush in. That's the real problem. If people put down the pornography long enough to consider how situations unfold in real life they would be conscious about their actions. You could still get herpes, but you can at least live with yourself that way.
Sorry, but if you are 30+, or even 25+, you have no choice. The vast vast majority will have HPV, and they don't know it, and can't be tested for it. He and you will never know.
One more reason I'm slow to get back into a relationship, actually. The last "new" partner I had was my last SO, we started dating in the fall of 2006, and have been broken up since January of last year. If either of us had any strain of HPV when we started dating, it has long since cleared my body. I'm as clean as clean can get, short of being confirmed herpes-negative. Don't have to worry about pregnancy anymore, either. I can't speak for men, but if a new partner came to me with all of that information, I'd be thinking I hit a sexual jackpot, myself.
So I take it people with herpes at having sex without telling people they have herpes. Which I figured as much. The irony of it is that people are just as wrong for having sex outside of marriage as people with herpes are wrong for not telling people.
Ironic that the closest I ever came to herpes, was after I had been married for a while, and I found myself in precarious situations.
I'd say putting oneself in precarious positions when married--one does not simply "find" oneself in sexually precarious positions--is far more morally deficient than having sex before marriage. Might want to put those stones away.
People are going to have sex before marriage whether the morality police like it or not. The idea is to be careful and as safe as possible with it.
I'd say putting oneself in precarious positions when married--one does not simply "find" oneself in sexually precarious positions--is far more morally deficient than having sex before marriage. Might want to put those stones away.
People are going to have sex before marriage whether the morality police like it or not. The idea is to be careful and as safe as possible with it.
I agree with you on this. Nothing like shattering the glass walls though; its like popping bubble wrap! I could open the window but where is the fun in that. ��
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