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I can see your point and it's a good point. But I am just being honest. I know myself and I know that if I know someone has a disease I can get by having sex with them and it's a disease that will be with me the rest of my life and effect my future sex life/marriage/health/etc, I won't want to have sex with them at all. It would be a complete turn off.
I don't think anything is wrong with that person or that they are a bad person at all. I'd be respectful of how hard it would be to tell someone that sort of thing (and I would commend their honestly). It's just that I can't do it--have a sexual relationship that is. I suppose it would be different if it's a person I've known and dated for a while and they found out later they have herpes, but the question is if it's someone you just met, don't have anything invested in (and vice versa), would it be a deal breaker. Maybe it's not PC of me, but it's the truth.
1:7 people might have it and a lot of people might not know, but that also means most people don't. Chances are in my favor that I don't have it. So why willingly risk getting it?
I agree with your logic here. It's respectful and kind. Thanks for the thoughtful approach to the question the OP posed. I agree that I'd likely react in a similar fashion, but that there's no need to treat people unkind because they have it.
It's not about being PC or not. We should all choose our comfort levels with these types of things.
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It's the typical lack of empathy and Christian-conservative self-righteous indignation that tends to pop up on this particular forum. If you were to discuss this issue with younger, more progressive-intellectual types, I'm sure the reaction would be less spiteful and more understanding of the situation as a whole.
Yeah. That's what I'm thinking. People may still refrain from dating an HSV2-positive individual, but why rake them over the coals and act like they're terrible people because they contracted a disease that others may well have and not even know it? Odd.
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Bahahaha! I'm a Democrat and non-religious. I just don't think having an STD is all that cool or trendy, and I will do everything in my power not to get it. Call me crazy. *shrugs*
My comment was not about whether you should choose to be with a person who has an STD. It was regarding the outrage and disgust that people here were exuding as if this person was some sort of evil leper. She's a human being for crying out loud.
Btw, Michigan (where I was born) is full of Democrats, too. But they are also extremely socially conservative compared to where I live now (Denver). Party affiliation doesn't really have anything to do with it.
I don't think anyone said he should've kept dating her. Or that he shouldn't have been upset/annoyed that she didn't tell him in person.
But, him blowing up over it and expecting her to walk around wearing a scarlet H on her chest was a bit much.
The girl was RAPED at 19 years old. She contracted herpes from a RAPIST. She didn't wait until they'd had sex, and she appears to have appropriately judged that it was safer for her to tell him about this from a distance, as his response was entirely devoid of empathy. He might have really been hateful about it in person and she's likely got some issues around violent men due to the rape, so she was probably telling him the only way she felt she could safely tell him.
He absolutely was within his rights to choose not to date her, but there was really no need to be hateful.
I swear, after years of having to look at GH slides at work and being weirded out by them, here I am defending people with GH and being accused of having it because I'm not treating these people like lepers of questionable morals.
Some of y'all are a HOOT!
But how did he react hatefully? He didn't go off on her or call her names?
Like I said he was not going to date her regardless so whether he said "I'm sorry to hear that. I can't date you" or ignored her it was not going to hurt less. There was no way to spare her feelings since either way she was being rejected because she had it. And he should not be compelled to date her out of pity because she was raped when she got it. I mean he can sympathize with her since she was a rape victim and it was not her fault, and had she disclosed that to him before they got physical and in person perhaps he would have felt more sympathy(I would have at least) but she's in her thirties and waited to tell him via text after they had already gotten physical. You don't text something like that. But if she did it to protect herself that is fine but she can't be upset then that his response was to ignore her because had he said something back that really indicated how he felt her feelings would have been hurt...
Now I don't treat anyone like lepers. I treat everyone with respect and kindness. But that doesn't mean I have to date someone with it. while I can understand her not being comfortable revealing it because the fact is not everyone will have the appropriate reactions, I can also understand van Halens feelings.
I mean this isn't the same thing but I'm a single mom. Every guy I've went on a date with ive told even before the date. Why? Because I would prefer not to waste either of our times. I know the stigma attached to single moms and that there are men that would never want to date me and they have that right. By disclosing it even prior to the first date it makes it easier on both people. Either your comfortable with me having a kid and you date me or you arent.
I don't think people need to wear signs that advertise they have it lol but perhaps letting the person know even before the first date, if they only feel comfortable texting, so as to avoid awkwardness. Or if they'd prefer to see how the first date goes, then fine. However prior to getting physical(kissing included) let the person know. Yes it seems like overkill but I know a lot of people that wouldn't even want to kiss someone with an std... So it just minimizes a lot of upset feelings.
And yes why thank you I consider myself classy lol.
It's the typical lack of empathy and Christian-conservative self-righteous indignation that tends to pop up on this particular forum. If you were to discuss this issue with younger, more progressive-intellectual types, I'm sure the reaction would be less spiteful and more understanding of the situation as a whole.
I'm 27, Im a moderate that typically votes Democrat. I'm a graduate student and perhaps one of the most liberal programs you could be in lol, full of open minded liberal students and considering my work and the discussions ive engaged in Im progressive and intellectual. However I was exposed to icky STD slides in middle school science class that scarred me for life and cemented my beliefs that I would never want an STD.
As a woman I would never condone rape and as someone that was a victim of domestic abuse I always empathize with anyone that goes through something traumatic. I don't fault the woman for having the STD. I just don't know how else he could gently let her down since he was not interested in dating her. He doesn't want the STD so I can understand why he was upset that she disclosed it after he had his hands in her wooha. Yes his chances of exposure at the point was slim to none but for him it was more about the fact that he did things with her under the impression that she was STD free-things he wouldn't have done had he known, and he would have preferred to have been told early on.
However I was exposed to icky STD slides in middle school science class that scarred me for life and cemented my beliefs that I would never want an STD.
Yes, so they did exactly what they were meant to do: scare you to death of sexual activity at a young age.
When I was in college, I had a traumatic post-sex experience. I broke out in a rash all over my body shortly after I had a oral sex with this girl I met one night. I started freaking out, thinking that I had contracted some type of STD. Of course, my only knowledge also came from middle school sex ed classes. Anyway, I went to the campus health clinic and had a mouth swab STD test. At the time, it took a few weeks to get the results back. I freaked myself over the course of a few days. I couldn't handle it, so I went back to have the blood test, which had a much quicker turn around. The nurse explained to me that the possibility of contracting an STD (particularly HIV) through oral sex was pretty low. Anyway, I got the test results back and sure enough I was STD-free. Come to find out, I was allergic to the new body lotion I started using.
It's the typical lack of empathy and Christian-conservative self-righteous indignation that tends to pop up on this particular forum. If you were to discuss this issue with younger, more progressive-intellectual types, I'm sure the reaction would be less spiteful and more understanding of the situation as a whole.
Sorry you are WAY off base here... Liberal atheist here, try again
I can see your point and it's a good point. But I am just being honest. I know myself and I know that if I know someone has a disease I can get by having sex with them and it's a disease that will be with me the rest of my life and effect my future sex life/marriage/health/etc, I won't want to have sex with them at all. It would be a complete turn off.
I don't think anything is wrong with that person or that they are a bad person at all. I'd be respectful of how hard it would be to tell someone that sort of thing (and I would commend their honestly). It's just that I can't do it--have a sexual relationship that is. I suppose it would be different if it's a person I've known and dated for a while and they found out later they have herpes, but the question is if it's someone you just met, don't have anything invested in (and vice versa), would it be a deal breaker. Maybe it's not PC of me, but it's the truth.
1:7 people might have it and a lot of people might not know, but that also means most people don't. Chances are in my favor that I don't have it. So why willingly risk getting it?
My comment was not about whether you should choose to be with a person who has an STD. It was regarding the outrage and disgust that people here were exuding as if this person was some sort of evil leper. She's a human being for crying out loud.
Btw, Michigan (where I was born) is full of Democrats, too. But they are also extremely socially conservative compared to where I live now (Denver). Party affiliation doesn't really have anything to do with it.
Yup. You are indeed correct.
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