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Location: RI, MA, VT, WI, IL, CA, IN (that one sucked), KY
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Quote:
Originally Posted by The Dissenter
In that case, there WAS a compatibility difference, on a very critical issue. That ain't throwing away a chance at love, that is trying to avoid an inevitable war down the line.
No, there was not. There was a POTENTIAL compatibility issue. One was undecided.
And falling in love with someone is often, I would say usually, worth the inevitable breakup if you know that is to occur.
This is why I questioned if you have ever fallen in love. It seems you don't really know what really falling in love is like.
Remember this quote: "'Tis better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all." - Alfred Lord
You have to quit thinking that every relationship ends in marriage or children. Go out and have fun. I never wanted children but I've dated women with children. In fact the best ones had children.
I never understood people that think of everyone they go out with as a potential spouse. Sometimes you date to have fun and give no thought to the future. You might go out once, you might have a good couple of months, or maybe you will have a long term relationship. Just go out! Let nature run it's course.
You overthink too much. And from a previous thread quit being a tightwad. You pay.
You have to quit thinking that every relationship ends in marriage or children. Go out and have fun. I never wanted children but I've dated women with children. In fact the best ones had children.
I never understood people that think of everyone they go out with as a potential spouse. Sometimes you date to have fun and give no thought to the future. You might go out once, you might have a good couple of months, or maybe you will have a long term relationship. Just go out! Let nature run it's course.
You overthink too much. And from a previous thread quit being a tightwad. You pay.
Thank you. Dissenter believes there is an easy, mathematical answer to everything. And takes zero risks as a result. Then he gets prickly mad at everyone and starts threads when we don't agree with him. (a.k.a. "screaming")
The sad thing is, he thinks he knows the reason why he can't get dates, but it's not the real reason.
Location: Huntersville/Charlotte, NC and Washington, DC
26,700 posts, read 41,753,896 times
Reputation: 41381
Quote:
Originally Posted by thinkalot
You have to quit thinking that every relationship ends in marriage or children. Go out and have fun. I never wanted children but I've dated women with children. In fact the best ones had children.
I never understood people that think of everyone they go out with as a potential spouse. Sometimes you date to have fun and give no thought to the future. You might go out once, you might have a good couple of months, or maybe you will have a long term relationship. Just go out! Let nature run it's course.
You overthink too much. And from a previous thread quit being a tightwad. You pay.
One, the paying thing has nothing to do with this thread and you definitely have me confused with someone else.
Two, most girls of my age group are starting to think about whether they want marriage and/or kids. They are likely going no to be thinking long-term and less willing to give someone like me who is not interested in children a lot of time. Why even bother with someone who knows for certain wants differently on such a major issue like children?
Location: Huntersville/Charlotte, NC and Washington, DC
26,700 posts, read 41,753,896 times
Reputation: 41381
Quote:
Originally Posted by zentropa
Thank you. Dissenter believes there is an easy, mathematical answer to everything. And takes zero risks as a result. Then he gets prickly mad at everyone and starts threads when we don't agree with him. (a.k.a. "screaming")
The sad thing is, he thinks he knows the reason why he can't get dates, but it's not the real reason.
.
Well, first, math was my 2nd worst subject in school (shocking for someone who works in banking right?). I'm more philosophical than mathematic.
Two, since you are such an expert on me apparently (which is news to me), would you like to enlighten me on the reason why I cannot get dates? I'm dying to know.
Why even bother with someone who knows for certain wants differently on such a major issue like children?
Because they are interesting? Because you need the practice? Because not every single women your age is determined to get married and have kids right now?
Gonna do you a favor Diss and point something out to you about how your mind works and why it is holding you back in almost every human interaction you have. It is all here in this post.
First you say this:
Quote:
Two, most girls of my age group are starting to think about whether they want marriage and/or kids. They are likely going no to be thinking long-term and less willing to give someone like me who is not interested in children a lot of time.
Here you are, making HUGE assumptions about people you don't even know. But pay attention to the highlighted words. Even you, with all your logic, are willing to accept that this is not true for all women, and that their minds are not necessarily made up, and there is room for individual differences.
But in the very next sentence you say this:
Quote:
Why even bother with someone who knows for certain wants differently on such a major issue like children?
See how you leapt straight into the black-or-white, yes-or-no thought process? You contradict yourself by turning those uncertain women in your first sentence into certain women in your second sentence. It is your way of self-defeating. Of making everything so impossible that you won't even try. That is the beauty of black-and-white thinking. It gives the perfect excuse to reject making an effort. It is highly IL-logical.
You went from logical to emotional in the space of a period.
I know that you want a relationship. And you don't want to commit for life. But for some reason, you won't consider a limited-term dating relationship. That is your logic mind and emotion mind getting tangled up again.
I suggest less thinking, ruminating and prognosticating, and more doing. Live in your present moment, it is all you have.
Location: Huntersville/Charlotte, NC and Washington, DC
26,700 posts, read 41,753,896 times
Reputation: 41381
Quote:
Originally Posted by zentropa
Because they are interesting? Because you need the practice? Because not every single women your age is determined to get married and have kids right now?
Gonna do you a favor Diss and point something out to you about how your mind works and why it is holding you back in almost every human interaction you have. It is all here in this post.
First you say this: Here you are, making HUGE assumptions about people you don't even know. But pay attention to the highlighted words. Even you, with all your logic, are willing to accept that this is not true for all women, and that their minds are not necessarily made up, and there is room for individual differences.
But in the very next sentence you say this:
See how you leapt straight into the black-or-white, yes-or-no thought process? You contradict yourself by turning those uncertain women in your first sentence into certain women in your second sentence. It is your way of self-defeating. Of making everything so impossible that you won't even try. That is the beauty of black-and-white thinking. It gives the perfect excuse to reject making an effort. It is highly IL-logical.
You went from logical to emotional in the space of a period.
I know that you want a relationship. And you don't want to commit for life. But for some reason, you won't consider a limited-term dating relationship. That is your logic mind and emotion mind getting tangled up again.
I suggest less thinking, ruminating and prognosticating, and more doing. Live in your present moment, it is all you have.
Yes, I live by a mostly yes or no thought process, but on a big issue like children, that is a very black or white issue and any compromise will likely work to the detriment of one party's wishes. I'm reporting on my interactions with people, more than likely day 70% of the time when I meet a woman for the first time, she will likely be one to mention her relationship goals include having a family at some point and she will not be willing to invest time in someone who DEFINITELY does not want kids. Just my observations from the women I've come across.
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